


The Deep Woods

by Zendelai



Series: The Woods [1]
Category: Mass Effect
Genre: Cerberus you assholes, Coping, Death, F/M, Family, Human/Turian relationship, Leadership, Night Terrors, Occasional tissue warning, Other stuff I don't want to spoil, Romance, Sense of Duty, Suave Garrus, a wee bit of fluff, new relationships
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2014-02-28
Packaged: 2018-01-04 20:35:00
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence, Major Character Death
Chapters: 38
Words: 68,996
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085415
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Zendelai/pseuds/Zendelai
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Cerberus did a lot more than just bring Shepard back from the dead.</p><p>But how will she cope with the changes?</p><p>Part one of The Woods series. AU. Non-canon, Garrus/FemShep, with hints of Tali/Kal, Ashley/James, and Thane/Kasumi. Attempting to update Mon-Wed-Fri.</p><p>COMPLETE.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Prologue

**Author's Note:**

> Death is a controversial topic. 
> 
>  
> 
> It controls our lives. Our actions are made in fear of death, our decisions in life based on the short span of our lives with death looming over it. 
> 
>  
> 
> In a way, this is my study of the effects of death on us. Take that the way you will, for I ensure you this story won't go the way that you expect. It's been a topic that's gripped me ceaselessly for years, and this story has been floating around in my head for a very long time, taking many forms and finally resting where it is.
> 
>  
> 
> It follows the conventional storyline loosely, but it is not canon. It is not perfect, although I daresay nothing in life ever is. 
> 
>  
> 
> Before I begin, I'd like to thank a few of my inspirations. First off, of course, Bioware and everyone who had a hand in Mass Effect for creating a series that is so gripping and emotionally investing that I spend hours writing stories in my head about each of the characters. Secondly, I have two other conceptual inspirations: one is Lost Odyssey, a game with characters almost as compelling as Mass Effect, and the other is Jitterbug Perfume, a Tom Robbins book that changed my view on the world around me. I won't say the topic that unionizes those two for me for risk of spoilers for my own work, but I highly recommend both of them. Thirdly, I'd like to thank this community. AO3 is a fantastic place for fans to meet and exchange their wonderful work, and I've read many beautiful, inspiring pieces on here, so thank you to everyone!
> 
>  
> 
> I’m writing this in the conventional chapter format, but I’m also including what I’m calling ‘intermissions’. These will be small side pieces, not necessary for the meat of the story but they’ll be funny or cute little additions. They won’t be necessary to read, but they’ll be available, and I’ll be posting them in conjunction with chapters. 
> 
>  
> 
> One more note. I am a person who finds a lot of emotion in music and I wanted to transfer that into my writing. As a result, I've put a song at the head of each of my chapters. I'll never force you to listen to them, but I chose them with the aspiration that they would set the mood -- either through the melody or the lyrics -- for each of my chapters. As the reader, you may choose to listen to your music, or nothing at all, but this remains an option for you!
> 
>  
> 
> Now, on to business. I’m aiming for a Monday-Wednesday-Friday update schedule, but please don’t throw tomatoes at me if I don’t follow that! Furthermore, please provide criticism. As a writer, I want to improve! Enjoy.

White Rabbit – Jefferson Airplane

 

\--

 

_The woods are lovely, dark, and deep._

 

_But I have promises to keep._

 

_And miles to go before I sleep._

 

_\--_

 

Hannah Shepard gripped her daughter's shoulders and gazed into the brown pools of her eyes.

 

"Zoey, darling. I'm so proud of your decision." She moved her hand to hold firmly to her younger daughter's left cheek. "Joining the military is difficult. But I know you, and I know you'll succeed."

 

Sadness filled her. This was the second time she was watching a daughter leave her, but she knew Zoey was joining the military for the right reasons. Just like her sister, she wanted to help people. She wanted to save people. She was strong.

 

Zoey brushed moisture away from her eyes. "I'm excited, mom, but..." She leaned in to whisper to into her mother's ear. "I'm really scared."

 

Hannah pulled Zoey into a warm hug. Often, Zoey seemed older than her age, and her mother felt a rush of affection at her naivety. She pulled out of the hug to look back into Zoey's eyes, watching as they darted side to side. "Listen to me, Zoey Shepard. To feel fear is human. Let it direct you, but don't let it overtake you. You may get hurt, you may even die. But you'll be doing it to help others, those who aren't as brave as you. Let your bravery be your salvation." She swallowed. "I never want to think about it happening, but we both must be prepared for the worst. If you die, you'll be a hero. But don't be afraid.

 

"When I was very young, my father showed me a very influential book series. One of the characters said, 'to the well-organized mind, death is but the next great adventure'. Remember that. Write to me often. I love you."

 

She pulled her into another embrace, memorizing the way that she felt. She remembered her own mother bidding her goodbye as she went to basic training thirty years ago. Her mother had wept and begged her to stay, but Hannah would be stronger than that. For Zoey.

 

"One more piece of wisdom from my old books."

 

Zoey raised an eyebrow at her mother in her favourite sarcastic teenager’s expression. "Last one?"

 

"Last one. Also from a wizard. 'Many who live deserve death. And some that die deserve life. Can you give it to them? Then do not be too eager to deal out death in judgment'."

 

"I... I think I like that one."

 

"Then read my old books some time."

 

 

She kissed her daughter’s forehead before watching her board the transport, her arms crossed.

 


	2. Chapter One

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Since this is day one, here's another chapter since only a prologue just seems unfair.

Asleep at the Wheel - Band of Skulls

 

Shepard lifted her head out of cover to momentarily survey her situation. One guard with full shields and a shotgun on her left. Two assault rifle-wielding guards under cover directly in front of her. One sniper on the high ground to her left, with low shields. Three scientists with nothing but pistols running around the battlefield without the faintest idea of what they were doing, and they were doomed to become mincemeat shortly at the hand of Ashley.

 

“Garrus, I want you to use overload on that guard at my 10 o’clock, and then take out the sniper on the high ground at 11 o’clock. Ashley, after Garrus uses overload, pull out your shotgun and take that guard out. I’ll be using singularity on those two in the middle, so after I do, Ash, take them out with your shotgun. Avoid those scientists, I want them alive.”

 

In truth, Shepard couldn’t warrant killing the scientists when they were so defenseless. Don't kill unless they shoot first, that was her motto as a Commander. Regardless, she wanted the chance to offer their lives in exchange for information. 

 

The team worked together with well-practiced precision; they took out the four guards in under a quarter of a minute, and the scientists ran to the back of the room and hid under cover. Shepard tapped her helmet and signaled for Garrus and Ashley to take her flank. Not that she needed to tell them where they needed to go; she had taken the two of them along with her on almost every mission with her for the past three months, and they now portrayed excellent teamwork skills and understanding of each other. Ashley was even beginning to show signs of reform from her xenophobic ways, and Shepard would often see the two of them spar on the ship as they developed a friendship.

 

Shepard stood out in the open and turned to the scientists, speaking very clearly. “My name is Commander Zoey Shepard with the Alliance Navy. I’m not here to hurt you; I’m here to help you. If you surrender, I promise we won’t hurt you.”

 

“I’d listen to the lady,” Ashley called from behind her cover. “She can literally tear you apart with her mind.” Shepard heard Garrus faintly laugh over the comm.

 

One of the scientists, a tall, slight male, popped out of cover and pointed his pistol at her. “We’ll never surrender!” he shouted, both his voice and the pistol shaking violently. He pulled the trigger, but Shepard was quicker than him, pulling up a biotic barrier to repel the shot. She immediately used a heavy biotic throw on the scientist, sending him straight into a concrete wall before he crumpled to the ground and didn't move. Immediately the other two scientists popped up from cover to defend themselves. She turned to the second scientist, used a biotic warp, and lifted the third scientist in the air before pulling out her pistol and summarily executing both of them. 

 

“We could have helped there, you know,” Ashley grumbled over the comm.

 

“Yeah, but then she wouldn't have the chance to show off,” Garrus retorted.

 

“Alright, you two jokers--”

 

“I think you have us confused with our pilot.”

 

“--let’s clear this place out. Only shoot when shot at. Let’s get this data for Udina and get the hell out of here. This place gives me the creeps.”

 

“Shepard,” Ashley began, trotting up to catch up her her CO so she could speak in undertones, “I understand Udina is important and all but… Do we really have to do this? That guy is such an ass.”

 

“Although I agree with you Gunnery Chief, he’s a firm believer that this data is extremely important. He believes it’s related to an experiment that Cerberus is conducting, and we know that we can’t trust Cerberus when it comes to their ‘research projects’.”

 

“True as that may be Commander, doesn't he have anyone else that could do this? We’re supposed to be investigating the Salarian science team on Virmire, not to mention the rogue VI on Luna seemed important to--”

 

“Noted, Williams. But I have a bad feeling about what Cerberus is doing too, and I chose to come here.”

 

Ashley recognized the dismissal and fell back to Shepard’s right flank. Garrus remained quiet, surveying the room through his sniper rifle scope, but Ashley knew he had been listening. She also knew that he was a good subordinate, always trusting the Commander’s judgment.

 

They reached a small room at the rear of the facility, which had about five scientists running around, trying to cover their work with panicked expressions. Shepard forged ahead, her pistol bolstered in an attempt at peace negotiations.

 

“My name is Commander--”

 

Her speech was cut off by two poorly-aimed shots from the nearest scientist, a frantic-looking young woman in a long lab coat with a look of madness in her eyes. “I will destroy you!” she shouted as she continued to attempt to shoot Shepard, missing by a wide margin.

 

Shepard ducked under cover, rolling her eyes at Garrus and Ashley. “There are all scientists in there. Pistols or snipers, head shots please, let’s make this quick work.”

 

Shepard summoned a singularity field in the middle of the scientists, throwing all of them as well as their work into the air. Well-aimed shots came from the 3 of them, quickly taking out the team before they swept the room with their weapons held in front of them. No life forms were found, and they declared the room to be clear.

 

“Do a complete sweep of the room, check for any data or salvages we may be able to find. I’m imagining they've heavily encrypted the important data, so if you find anything, Garrus can decrypt it.”

 

Garrus smiled to himself at the rare compliment from the Commander. He knew that she was taking her new Spectre position seriously, which was why she was no-nonsense and difficult to please, but he could tell with time she was warming up to the crew. She obviously cared about the crew deeply: whenever he would pass by the mess, med bay, or cargo hold, he would see her with a crew member, chatting about their families or their homes. She knew everyone on the ship well, and they all respected her greatly for it.

 

Garrus’s train of thought was interrupted by the sound of a weapon being loaded close behind him. “Stop right there. Turn around, slowly, with your hands above your head where I can see them.”

 

It was a trap. They should have known; they never faced as little as four soldiers and eight untrained scientists.

 

Shepard turned around to face the new threat. It was a blonde woman, a shotgun held confidently in her hand, her barrier up. She had an expression of vengeance on her face.

 

“You have no idea what this research is, do you?” She asked, her barrier pulsing slightly. “Even if you take this to Udina, it will be back with Cerberus within an Earth cycle. Trust me, Shepard, when I say that you do not want to take this research lightly.”

 

“I have to disagree with you there,” Shepard retorted. “I don’t trust Cerberus, I really don’t trust you, and I’m going to take this research data where none of you will be able to reach it.”

 

“Shepard, I have a great amount of respect for you and for your combat skills. I don’t want to fight. But I won’t give this data over willingly. Scientists have dedicated their lives to this work.”

 

“I’m sure your superiors over at Cerberus are very proud of them for their work but this doesn't have to end in bloodshed.”

 

“More bloodshed, you mean?”

 

“You respect my combat skills? I respect your scientific knowledge. I don’t want to let a perfectly good scientific mind go to waste over nothing. Let us go with the data, and I’ll make sure the Alliance protects you from Cerberus.”

 

“This isn't about protection!” She was growing so frustrated the air around her was charged from her biotics. “It’s about the research!”

 

“Then tell me what the research is!”

 

“I… I can’t.”

 

“Then I have to take the data. I’m sorry.”

 

With an assassin’s precision and calm, Shepard rolled forward while pulling her pistol out of its holster, and administered two quick shots to the scientist’s head -- one to take down her barriers, the other to take her down.

 

Garrus mumbled, “Spirits, Shepard.” 

 

“Damn this Spectre Master Gear is good,” Shepard said with a smile on her face as she turned the pistol over in her hands. “I mean, I could have used warp to take down her barriers but using the pistol was just so satisfying.” She laughed and holstered her pistol. “Alright let’s get this data and get the hell out of here. Drinks are on me when we get to the Citadel.”


	3. Chapter Two

Fire - Kasabian

****

“Udina is such an ass!” Ashley grumbled, taking a hearty swig of her beer. “We go through all that work to get the data, and he doesn’t say ‘wow, thank you’, or ‘good work!’. No, he says that we screwed up and ‘the data is incomplete and will have to be subject to analysis’ as if we’re wasting his time. And what does he give us for all our hard work? 10,000 credits. That’s 2% of the cost of one of those nice Spectre Master Gear weapons you said you’d get for me, Commander.”

****

“He’s an ass but we’re stuck with him,” Shepard said, ordering another Elcor lemon soda.

****

“I wish Anderson could take the job.”

****

“I agree with you, Ashley, but I don’t think he’s partial to paperwork. He’d rather shoot than negotiate.” Shepard took a long drink of her soda. She missed having Anderson on the ship with her; he had provided great guidance to her, and without him and Nihlus she sure as hell wouldn’t be where she is now. She made a mental note to visit him during the 72-hour shore leave that she had called for the ship. She knew that the crew needed time to rest, and to restock their supplies and weapons. Although Udina had been cheap in his payout, they had still recovered over 50,000 credits on the research facility, and she had another 600,000 credits in her account that she was planning to use to buy Ashley a new assault rifle and Garrus a new sniper rifle, courtesy of the Spectre requisitions officer. It was the least she could do to thank her team for all their hard work.

****

“Commander, why do you never drink alcohol?”

****

Ashley’s question pulled her away from her thoughts. “It’s unprofessional to drink when I’m on duty.”

****

“You’re not on duty.”

****

“It’s just unprofessional. You’re awfully quiet, Garrus.”

****

The turian had been staring off into the distance, stirring his drink without actually drinking it. “It’s… strange being on the Citadel without having my C-Sec instincts set in. See that table in the corner there?” Shepard followed his gaze to a table with a human and a batarian, sitting and staring in opposite directions, no drinks on the table but a briefcase at their feet. “The turian that left about two minutes ago dropped that case there. They’re trying to avoid suspicion by not leaving at the same time as him, but they’re definitely up to something, and it’s definitely illegal. I’m so used to being a cop I want to bust them now, but… I’m not a cop anymore.”

****

Shepard watched Garrus gazed dolefully into his drink. “Do you miss being a cop?”

****

“Sometimes. Especially right now. I just want to do what’s right. But…” He looked up into Shepard’s eyes, a determined expression on his face. “Taking down Saren is what’s right.”

****

Shepard smiled warmly at him, feeling a rush of affection towards the turian. “Watch this.”

****

She walked over to the table with the human and the batarian, her boots ringing menacingly against the tile floor at Flux. “Excuse me,” she said, the human and batarian looking up at her with mildly interested expressions.

****

“What,” the batarian grumbled.

****

“My name is Commander Shepard, I’m with the Alliance Navy. May I inspect your briefcase? I’ve received a lead that their may be dangerous material inside.”

****

“I’m more dangerous than any material in that briefcase,” the batarian growled laughing harshly, “So I suggest you step away.”

****

“Unfortunately for you, messing with Commander Shepard means messing with not just the Alliance Navy, but with the Citadel Council as well. I can get you kicked off the Citadel so fast that your head will spin. So I suggest that if you want no trouble, you’ll hand over the briefcase, and give me the name of your little turian friend.”

****

The batarian cursed realizing that he had been busted. “His name’s Nareth. Don’t know the last name. Now take the damn thing and get the hell out of here.”

****

Shepard smiled in satisfaction, grabbing the case and walking back over to Garrus and Ashley, who were quietly cheering for her. She passed the case over to Garrus. “Take it to one of your old friends at C-Sec if you want, and tell them it came from a turian named Nareth.” She smiled at him and touched his arm gently. “You can still be a good citizen and do the right thing, even if you’re not with C-Sec anymore. Now finish your drinks and let’s get out of here, no need to linger.”

****

Shepard put a credit chit on the bar for the tab as Ashley and Garrus downed the rest of their drinks and the trio left the bar, noticing the wide berth that the rest of the patrons gave them.

****

\--

****

“Shepard! Do you have a second?”

****

Garrus was leaning on the console in front of the Mako, his talons waving at her as she exited the elevator. She instinctively smiled and made her way over -- her chat with Engineer Adams could wait.

****

“What can I do for you, Vakarian?”

****

“I realized I never had a chance to properly thank you for your help with Doctor Saleon. You’re a very strong person to see someone be tortured that way and still give the torturer the option to survive.”

****

“For a lot of people, incarceration is worse than death.”

****

“But really, Commander. You… you have this way with people. They respect you. Crew and citizens alike. I’ve never seen anything like it. You inspire me.”

****

“Inspire you?” She walked over to lean against the Mako, crossing her arms across her chest. “In what way?”

****

“To do good. To help people. As a Spectre, you don’t have to play by the book, but you still do what’s right.”

****

“Doing what’s right helps me sleep at night.”

****

“A lot of people would choose the easier way. Shoot first, ask questions later. What those scientists were doing for Cerberus wasn’t ethical, but you still gave them the option to save themselves.”

****

“Everyone deserves a second chance, Garrus. No one is perfect. People make decisions rashly because it seems to be what’s right at the time, but as they get further in, they realize it’s not right, but there’s nowhere they can go now. I want to be the person who gives them the option for redemption. I know if I was in their shoes, I’d want the option.”

****

Garrus’s mandibles fluttered in admiration. Shepard had known few turians before him, but she was learning that turians express their emotions through subtle motions and their subvocals. The more time she spent with him, the more she learned about turians and how to read them. In some ways, humans were more difficult; turians rarely lied, as an example. But she knew in turian culture to lie was a great offense against their people.

****

“When we finish with Saren… whatever happens… I’m going to dedicate my life to doing good. What I think is good, not what my father thinks. I want to help others in any way that I can.”

****

Shepard rested her hand on his shoulder, a warm smile on her face. “I’m so happy for you, Garrus. What do you think you’ll do? Go back to Palaven? Rejoin C-Sec?”

****

“I’m done with C-Sec, and--”

****

Engineer Adams’ voice rang across the cargo bay. “Commander! Are you going to tell me what you want to do with these forward thrusters or are you going to flirt with the turian?”

****

Shepard laughed gently. “I’m coming, I’m coming!” She took her hand off of Garrus’s shoulder and smoothed the hem of her pants. “Duty calls, but I’m always here to chat, Garrus.”

****

She turned and briskly walked towards engineering; Garrus was a firm believer that she was always walked with purpose, like wherever she was needed was the most important place to be. Tell her. The voice inside Garrus’s head persisted. Just tell her. “Shepard!”

****

She swung to turn around at him, and the eager look on her face at the sound of his voice stunned him. By human standards, Zoey Shepard wasn’t what you would call the most attractive -- her hair was a mousy brown colour, her eyebrows were thin, she had a large scar running from her forehead down to her cheek, her waist was a bit too small and her hips were a bit too wide -- but to Garrus, she was like a ray of sunshine. It could have been the way that she was always there for you and always wanted to listen to what you had to say. It could be the respect that she commanded among her ground and ship crew. Or it could be because he was a turian, and his concept of beauty was different from a human's. But when she turned to look at him at that moment, she stunned him to absolute silence.

****

“Yes, Garrus?”

****

He felt as if his whole body was tingling with adrenaline, and he realized that he was shaking. Suddenly, all of his military and C-Sec duties seemed less terrifying than talking to his human CO.

****

“Don’t… let Adams get to you. You know you he loves to go on about his engineering.”

****

He cursed to himself at his lame send off as she waved at him and laughed faintly before walking into engineering. Another part of him knew it was most likely for the best; he had barely come to terms with his own feelings, and had no idea what Shepard’s were. She was such a professional she may be completely against fraternization.

****

But everything against Saren was so dangerous, if anything happened to either of them, he didn’t want to spend his time regretting his inaction. However, if he said something, she could be repelled by the suggestion and it could risk their teamwork -- or even worse, she could ask him to leave the ship. He shuddered at the thought before turning back to his terminal and his work.

****

_Get a hold of yourself, Vakarian. She’s your CO. Be professional. Finish the mission. Get your life in order after the mission. That’s your priority._


	4. Chapter Three

 

Drunk on Aluminum - Wintersleep

  


_Vakarian, you are the biggest fool in the history of turian kind._

  


He was staring at his terminal, his mouth open wide in shock. He read the message over and over, hoping he was reading it wrong every time, hoping that there was a mistake, hoping it was another Shepard.

  
  


_Garrus,_

 

_I’m sorry that I have to be the one to break the news to you, but I don’t want you to hear it from anyone else. Shepard has been designated as killed in action. The Normandy was taken down by a ship of unknown origins, and most crew members were saved by Shepard’s brave actions; unfortunately, she didn’t make it. I know that you were very fond of Shepard, and I feel your pain -- she was like a daughter to me. Her body hasn’t be recovered, but we’ll be having a memorial service at the Presidium next Thursday. I hope you can make it. Send me a comm wave to receive a time and coordinates._

 

_Sincerely,_

 

_Captain David Anderson_

  


Shepard was gone now. The greatest Commanding Officer he had ever met, lost on a shakedown mission the Council created to disguise the Reaper threat. He never had the chance to tell her how he felt, to tell her how much he cared. He never had the chance to hold her, to feel her soft skin and to smell her hair. But now she was gone, killed in action, and he’d never have the chance to see her or talk to her again.

  


He let out a feral growl, pain coursing through his body in agonizing waves. He wanted to throw things, to hurt things, to shoot things.

  


He began pacing his small apartment on the Citadel. He would go to the memorial service -- of course he would, it would be a dishonour to Shepard not to go. After the service, he had to change his life. He had to do something to honour her memory and all the wisdom she had passed on to him. He may start his search for his place in the galaxy at the Citadel, but he could not stay here. It bore too many painful memories of his time with Shepard.

  


Covering his face with his taloned hands in an attempt to contain the agony, his thoughts drifted back to happier times two months prior, after Saren had been defeated. The Citadel was in shambles, but after her recovery from her injuries, Shepard insisted the crew meet at Flux so she could thank them properly for all their hard work. He also knew it was the unspoken opportunity to say goodbye.

  


The party, for all intents and purposes, began calmly -- a few tables in the club were filled with the crew members, sipping on their drinks and chatting animatedly among themselves. Even Shepard was drinking, something Garrus hadn’t seen until that day. As the alcohol was consumed in plentiful amounts, the tables were pushed together and stories began to be exchanged.

  


“Hey Shepard! Remember that time when we almost killed each other?” Wrex roared, laughing heartily as he held his drink up for a toast.

  


“The only human to calm down a krogan!” Ashley replied, tapping her glass against Wrex’s and Shepard’s as the three of them finished their drinks.

  


“How about the time when Shepard, Ashley, and Garrus flipped the Mako, and we had to drop down in the shuttle to rescue them?” Tali added, laughing lightly.

  


“I’m officially sending a requisition to the Alliance: send me a new ground transport! I’m never driving that damn Mako again!” Shepard responded, waving to the bartender for another round.

  


“It’s not the Mako’s fault you’re a bad driver!” Garrus chimed in.

  


A hushed ‘ooooh’ of anticipation went through the crowd, and Shepard stood up and jokingly waved her fists at Garrus. He noticed that she was wavering on the spot -- she must have had more to drink than he had originally anticipated.

  


“Let’s do this.” Garrus stood up and beckoned to her with his talon.

  


“I’ll take you on the dance floor, Vakarian.”

  


“This I have to see,” Wrex growled.

  


“Bring it, Shepard. We’ll have the crew be the judges. DJ! Play something fast and loud.”

  


The two of them turned to face each other on the dance floor, intense looks on their faces.

  


As soon as the song started, Shepard started moving so quickly, her limbs reaching so far out, that she was a danger to those around her. Disgusted looks on their faces, the crowd moved to the edges of the floor to avoid her. It was amazing that a woman that was so graceful on the battlefield could have such an absolute lack of grace on the dance floor. Garrus responded by making similar movements, waving his arms, his legs, even his head. He hadn’t the fainted idea what the song was, nor did he much care; he didn’t remember having this much fun in many years. She reached and grabbed his hands and began spinning him wildly in circles, laughing so hard that her whole body was shaking until she fell onto the floor and began laughing even harder. Before he knew it, Garrus was on the ground beside her, his sides in pain from laughing so hard and being unable to stop.

  


When both of them caught their breath, they stood and faced the crew, bowing. Joker held up a sign with a fat “2” on it, Adams a sign with an “8”, and Liara, a sign with a “10”.

  


“Thank you, thank you,” Shepard said, bowing to each of her crew members. “But I think it’s time for all of us to get some rest. Wrex, Tali, Liara, Garrus, you all have big days ahead of you while the rest of us idiots stay on the Normandy chasing false geth leads.” She sat and held up her nearly empty glass. "But first, a toast to those who have sacrificed themselves for us to be here. To Nihlus, to Jenkins, and to Kaiden. May they always be remembered as heroes."

  


With somber expressions on their faces, the crew tapped their glasses together and drank in silence.

  


The crew finished their drinks and began making their way out the door, and Shepard waited for them at the exit to shake their hands and say a few words of thanks. Garrus sat waiting at the table, nursing the last of his drink, not wanting the night to end.

  


When the rest of the crew had left, Shepard sat next to him, pulling his attention away from his thoughts. “Don’t you need to get some rest, Garrus? You have your big meeting with the Executor tomorrow you have to prepare for.”

  


“Yeah, I’m just--” he paused, unsure of how to properly articulate himself. “I’m thrilled there’s even a remote possibility that I could become a Spectre. Having my own ship, finally getting a chance to bend the rules a little bit. But…”

  


He stared down into his drink, his brow plates furrowed. “I’m really going to miss being on the Normandy. I’m going to miss having you as my Commanding Officer!” He looked up into her eyes and laughed gently. “I never thought I’d say that. You spend your whole life wanting to make it to the top, and now that I have the chance, I just want to stay as a subordinate. But you’ve just been the best damn CO I’ve ever worked with.”

  


She smiled at him warmly and placed her hand on his leg. “I’m so proud of how far you’ve come, Garrus. But remember, I’m not dying! I’m still just a comm wave away. I’ll miss you too, Garrus, so I expect daily messages, at minimum.”

  


His moment had arrived. He had to tell her how he felt. He just had to throw his pride out the window and admit it.

  


But she had been drinking, and he was sure she had a lot on her mind. His gut instinct was telling him that it wasn’t the right time. They would reunite when he had his own ship and Spectre status, and he would tell her then. For now, he was just happy to know she wanted to hear from him after she left. “Of course,” he said. “Every day. I’ll need some Spectre advice, you know.”

  


“Get some rest and enjoy your last night on the Normandy. I expect to see you up at 0700 to send us off.”

  


Garrus wasn’t surprised to find that while lost in his memories his feet had carried him to a shooting range down in the wards. He pulled out his HMWSR VII and channeled his pain and his anger through his shots, imagining that every target was the invisible enemy that had taken down Zoey Shepard.

  
  
His Shepard.


	5. Chapter Four

Rain Song - Led Zeppelin

 

She inhaled deeply and felt the salty air enter her lungs. The wind rustled through her hair like a tender touch, and beneath her feet she felt hard, slightly damp rock. She slowly opened her eyes, a gentle smile lighting up her face at the realization that she was at the ocean.

 

Before her were endlessly stretched miles upon miles of sweet blue-grey water. It was dawn; the sky was a stunning painting with layers of orange, red, and yellow. She was standing on a pier, far away from land, and when she looked down she saw that she was wearing a white dress; it lapped around her bare feet, akin to the water lapping at the rocks.

 

She stood watching the painting before her for what felt like hours, and although the light burned her eyes she couldn't look away from it. She had spent so many years on ships with artificial lighting that she had forgotten how sublime a real sunrise was.

 

Her curiosity finally took the better of her and she turned around, expecting to see an expanse of trees and sand. To her great surprise, her whole ground crew from the SR-1, even Kaiden, stood before her. So this wasn't real; but that didn't mean she wasn't going to enjoy every second of it.

 

Each of her teammates shouted her name in excitement, tears filling the eyes of those who could cry.

 

“We're so proud of you,” Ashley said tenderly, breaking the silence.

 

“Best damn Commander I've ever had,” Wrex grumbled, his voice alive with a surprising amount of emotion. “You've done good work, I'm proud to have served under you.”

 

“Shepard,” Kaiden mumbled. “I--”

 

“I'm so sorry, Kaiden!” She burst out. “I'm sorry for what happened. I wanted to--”

 

“No, Commander. You did the right thing. I had the privilege of dying under a great Commander serving for the Alliance. Nothing would make me happier.”

 

Words of encouragement and thanks came from each of them, and Shepard gazed at them tenderly like a mother watching over her children, pride swelling inside of her.

 

Tali walked up to her to embrace her, whispering in her ear, her grip tight around her Commander's waist. “You have made my people so proud of me, Shepard, and I can't thank you enough for that. You've changed my life for the better. You've accomplished amazing feats for the quarian people, and for the whole galaxy.”

  


As Tali stepped aside, Liara smiled at Shepard gently. “I'm going to go on to do great things because of you, Shepard. You not only stopped Saren, but you stopped the Reapers.” Liara threw her arms around Shepard's shoulders, her body shaking with emotion. The human and the asari held each other until Wrex tapped Liara's shoulder, indicating that it was his turn.

 

“Shepard,” he grumbled in a low voice.

 

“Wrex,” she grumbled back, laughing lightly.

 

“I'm not one for hugging, or saying thanks, but in this case, I can make an exception. You saved the krogan people from a fate worse than genocide. You're always an honorary krogan in my books.” He enveloped her in a crushing hug. Shepard realized that as each of the crew members said their thanks, they faded away, waving gently with smiles on their faces; but it felt as if they weren't saying goodbye, but rather I'll see you soon.

 

Kaiden was next, tears in his eyes. “I may have died, Shepard, but I know it was for the best. I died so many could live. I died with honour, and valour.” He gave her a brief hug before pulling away, kissing her forehead gently. “I am with God now, and my ancestors. Thank you.”

 

Kaiden backed away slowly, a warm smile on his face, before he faded away as well.

 

“Skipper,” Ashley said softly, her eyes gleaming. “I have to let you in on a little secret.”

 

“What's that, Ash?”

 

“I have a couple of secrets, actually. One, you saved a lot of lives when your ship went down there, mine included, and I'm forever in your debt for that. Two...” Shepard watched as Ashley stared off into the ocean, and Shepard turned to watch it again herself. She observed the frothy tips of the waves, and she laughed gently as she watched dolphins frolic in the water without a care in the world. Seagulls had begun to wake up and herald the day, their loud cries filling the air. The shared moment felt timeless.

  


“Two,” Ashley continued, “is that the galaxy is still going to need you, Shepard. This here, this is bliss. But the galaxy is going to drag you back, back into its pain and suffering. Humanity needs you, even if it's just to take away a little bit of their pain and suffering. But I know you, Skipper, and I know that you'll make everything right. There are good things waiting for you on the other side, so embrace it.” Ashley uncharacteristically gave Shepard swift kisses on both her cheeks. “I'll see you soon.”

  


Ashley gave one last fleeting look at the ocean before turning around and fading. Only Garrus remained, and he had the most peculiar look on his face, as if he had no idea what to say.

  


“Zoey,” he said gently. She felt something stir deep inside of her; it had been many years since anyone other than her family had called her by her first name. “The galaxy needs you. I need you.” He stepped forward swiftly but gracefully. He tentatively reached his hand up and brushed his thumb in circles on the side of her face, their eyes locked. In his eyes she saw pain and suffering, but deep down there was hope. Garrus closed his eyes and touched his forehead to hers in the most affectionate gesture she had ever felt. She closed her eyes, their breathing becoming synchronized. They both relaxed, emptying their minds of any emotion, the only feeling at that moment an intense need for each other.

 

Shepard didn't have the faintest idea how long the two of them had been standing there, every second stretching to eternity and yet feeling too short. If she had a choice, she never would have left that moment.

  


When she opened her eyes, she had three shocking realizations: one was that it was dusk; the second was that Garrus was fading away; and the third was that a woman's harsh voice was screaming in her ear to wake up.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy holidays everyone! I will be on holidays until the second of January, I'll be putting a couple of scheduled posts up over the holidays but don't expect the regular posting schedule to return until late next week. Thank you for reading and have a Merry Christmas/Happy Hanukkah/Happy New Year!


	6. Chapter Five

Desecration Smile – Red Hot Chili Peppers

 

Shepard awoke from the rolling blackout of oblivion, clutching her chest as she gasped for air, taking a moment to analyze her situation.

 

She was on an operating table in a sterile room. She was alone, but there was a woman over the loudspeaker; Shepard was aware of her speaking but could not comprehend the words, hearing them as if from the end of a long tunnel. There were gunshots resonating from an adjacent room.

 

Military instinct kicked in and she dove down from the bed, taking cover behind the operating table as she scanned the room quickly with her Omni-Tool, searching for weapons and armour. Her tool pinged to indicate to her that they were in a locker to her right, and after lifting her head out of cover briefly to ensure no one had joined her in the room, she dove to the locker and installed the foreign equipment before diving back into cover to re-analyze.

 

“Shepard!” the woman commanded as she regained use of her hearing. “We need to get you out of there. There are mechs overrunning the facility, you'll need to fight your way out.”

 

Shepard took several slow, steady breaths, trying to calm the panic rising in her chest. She had no idea where she was, how she got there, or what the hell was going on, but she knew now was not the time to ask questions.

 

She systematically eliminated the hostile mechs, her mind barely in the battle but the mechs proving to be about as difficult to take down as house cats compared to the countless geth prime that she defeated in the past. Her focus wavered in and out of battle until she encountered the first human in the cursed facility.

 

Diving into cover beside him to assist him with taking out a small group of mechs, she glanced at his armour, becoming startled when she realized that he was working for... Cerberus?

 

Although both her parents and the Alliance had engrained into her that remaining calm was a virtue, she felt her patience waver as she growled to the man, “What the hell is going on?” She summoned a biotic throw, much more powerful than any she had been able to summon in the past, and threw the last mech into the wall, watching as his head exploded like a firework.

 

“Didn't expect to see you up and about, Commander,” he said, giving her a quick salute.

 

“Explain,” she growled, his politeness and demure manner failing to calm her.

 

He informed her that the facility was under attack and they didn't have much time, but he knew that at a minimum she deserved a briefing. Reaching his hand out to shake hers, he introduced himself as Jacob Taylor, and briefly explained Project Lazarus: the two-year project funded by Cerberus to bring her back from the dead after she had been spaced.

 

Shepard closed her eyes and shook her head in disbelief as images of her death swarmed before her eyes. She remembered the attack on her ship and her crew members escaping in the pods. She remembered Ashley escaping, which was a small relief in the day which had so far proven to be excruciatingly confusing. With a shiver racking through her whole body, she recalled Joker's stubbornness to 'go down with his ship', and how his persistence resulted in her being spaced with the last blast to the ship. The feeling of agony came back to her with memories of her gasping for air, her lungs scorching, her every cell begging for oxygen before she died. Her memory after that was black with the exception of her odd dream.

 

Jacob persisted that they had to get out of the facility to meet with the woman over the loudspeaker, Miranda, who would explain everything further. Wiping the image of being spaced out of her head, Shepard lead the way.

 

The Cerberus operative had a fair shot and some biotic ability, but Shepard was an entirely different soldier than she had been before her death. Although her shot with a pistol had always been far above average, she was landing every shot and her biotics smashed through everything in her way. Not a single enemy shot made it further than her shields. Sheer will and conviction brought them through room after room, eliminating every mech with ease. She barely paid attention as they encountered another injured Cerberus employee, Wilson, feeling something similar to the Krogan bloodrage running through her veins. She had no trust and even less faith in the Cerberus operatives, so she would send them to flank her in cover to keep them out of danger while keeping an eye on them so she wouldn't get shot in the back.

 

She felt unusual in ways that she could barely describe; but she knew that she was merciless in a way that her compassion had forbidden before. She worked with incredible daring, never wearing down and dodging every shot as she weaved across the battlefield, working with a precision and cunning she attributed to either something Cerberus had done with her or the God-like feeling that was associated with being resurrected.

 

They reached Miranda, and Zoey was so caught up in her thoughts she barely acknowledged Miranda shooting Wilson, only feeling grateful that another Cerberus idiot was out of their ranks.

 

“Shepard, I'm sure you have many questions...”

 

“Take me to your boss.” Shepard held her head high, looking down at Miranda. As her adrenaline came down with the thrill of combat leaving her, she lamely added, “Please.”

 

“Of course, right this way.”

 

\--

 

Jacob, Miranda, and Shepard were on a shuttle on their way to the Cerberus head's office, to see the man only referred to as “The Illusive Man”, which Shepard found to be incredibly crass. Jacob and Miranda questioned her about her activities before her death as though her memory was lost; but everything felt perfectly clear to Shepard, like the two years of her reconstruction were simply her taking a nap.

 

“Do you remember who you nominated for the position of human Council member?”

 

“Of course. It was Ambassador Udina.”

 

“And which crew member did you lose on Virmire, when you took down Saren's krogan breeding facility?”

 

“Kaiden Alenko,” she responded, looking down at the floor of the ship in sadness as his name left her lips. “May he rest in peace." She looked up at the two operatives. “Do we really need to bring up such painful memories? I'd appreciate having some time to think all this new information over.”

 

“Of course, Shepard,” Jacob responded, silencing Miranda with a glare when she opened her mouth. “We'll be at the facility shortly.”

 

Shepard leaned forward, resting her elbows on her knees and staring at her hands while losing herself in her thoughts. Two entire years had passed in blackness. Where were her team members? Why had Cerberus funded this mad project? What had happened to the Reaper threat in the past two years? What technology had Cerberus put in her to bring her back? Was her family still alive?

 

She followed Miranda and Jacob out of the shuttle and into the pristine facility. She stopped when they passed by a reflective surface, her jaw dropping in shock. Her scar from her battle at Elysium that ran from her cheek to her forehead was gone, and her entire appearance was different; her hair and eyebrows were thicker, they had made her nose slightly smaller, brought her eyes millimetres closer together, and filled in her normally thin lips. 

 

“Miranda,” she whispered, pointing to the mirror. “What the hell is this?”

 

“We used our discretion to make some minor modifications to your appearance during Lazarus. We wanted to make you more marketable.”

 

Shepard narrowed her eyes at her. “Marketable? What am I to you, a product?”

 

“Not exactly, but we performed a study among humans, and over 75% of them found your appearance during the fight against Saren to be too... aggressive. So for the sake of your current mission, we softened some of your features, and made a few minor improvements.” Miranda smiled slyly, her hand on her hip. Shepard had barely noticed how perfectly proportionate and symmetrical Operative Lawson was. Although Shepard was never one to focus on her looks, she realized immediately the weight that Miranda put on hers, and with her directing the project, she wasn't surprised that Miranda wanted to 'improve' her. 

 

Nonetheless, Shepard felt the moral ambiguity in changing her without her consent. She felt disgusted, violated. “You had no right,” she snarled. “I am who I am. You have no right to... change me... to what suits you.”

 

“You were dead, you had no say. Now let's go, The Illusive Man doesn't like to be kept waiting.”

 

\--

 

The Illusive Man sat at his armchair, a wide smile on his face. The time had finally come. Shepard was back.

 

He intended for her to find out everything on her own, but he was thrilled that humanity's vessel for salvation was finally alive. He took a long drag from his cigarette and laughed lightly when he heard Shepard growl a greeting at him.

 

“Shepard! The fate of the galaxy is in your hands again.”

 

Although he had explained it countless times, he took his time with Shepard, explaining the disappearing human colonies throughout the Terminus systems.

 

Shepard gazed at him, her brow slightly furrowed, absorbing every bit of knowledge that he sent to her. She wasn't surprised to realize that the Council was as complacent about humanity's problems as before, and she realized that in order to help these colonists she had no choice but to team up with Cerberus.

 

“Illusive Man, when I was eighteen and joined the Systems Alliance, I said to myself: 'Zoey, you're going to spend all of your time, from now until retirement, saving as many lives as you can'. I plan to keep that vow. But remember, I work for humanity, not for you.”

 

“Excellent. I'm glad humanity's best interests are such a priority for you.”

 

“Any lives, Illusive Man. Asari, turian, salarian, hanar, krogan, elcor, volus, quarian, and human alike.”

 

“As you wish, Shepard. As long as humanity's--”

 

Shepard wanted to change the subject quickly, tiring of his pro-human tendancies. “Where is my old crew?”

 

“Most of your Alliance crew members escaped when your ship went down. I have a few who have agreed to serve with you again, you'll reunite with them shortly.”

 

“And my non-Alliance crew members?”

 

“Spread across the galaxy. I have been unable to contact most of them.”

 

“My family?”

 

“Your parents and brother are alive and well. Your parents are currently serving aboard the MSV Yerevan.”

 

“Good,” Shepard responded. She made a mental note of the ship name so she could get in contact with them as soon as she could. “Now Illusive Man, you've mentioned these... upgrades, that have been done to me.”

 

“Yes, Shepard.”

 

“What sort of upgrades have been done?”

 

“We aren't controlling you in any way, if that's what you're thinking,” The Illusive Man took a long drink of his scotch. “Operative Lawson wanted to control you, but I wanted to keep you exactly the way you were when you took down Saren.”

 

“Then why the hell did you let her change my appearance?”

 

The Illusive Man laughed openly at this. “Well, Shepard, you're the face of the fight against the Collectors. We wanted a face that people felt compelled to follow.”

 

She ignored the clear dig at her natural appearance. “What else have you done?”

 

“We've improved your biotics, and your combat reaction times.” The Illusive Man turned his chair so that he was facing the planet before him. “We need to focus on the mission. I want you to investigate the colony of Freedom's Progress and then come back and report back to me.”

 

He bid her a curt goodbye before cutting the comm. He rose from his chair and climbed on top of the attractive model lying in his bed, a wicked smile on his face.

 

Wilson had performed perfectly. It was a necessary pity that Miranda had to kill him. Everything was falling into place.


	7. Chapter Six

Midnight in a Perfect World - DJ Shadow

 

Tali’Zorah sat cross-legged at her desk aboard the Rayya, her mission report from Freedom’s Progress blurring before her eyes as her mind travelled across space and time through her memories.

 

Freedom’s Progress had felt like her waking from a slumber that had started with Shepard’s funeral two years ago. Although Tali was always loyal to the Migrant Fleet and had been overjoyed by their impressed responses upon her return from her Pilgrimage, she always felt a deep longing in her heart for the Normandy. Hearing about its -- and Shepard’s -- demise two years ago had been a life-changing experience.

 

Seeing Shepard just a few hours prior felt like to having a bucket of cold water splashed on your face during your deepest rest. She was so shocked at the time she barely knew what to say, but now her heart ached with the pain of not joining Shepard and the Normandy, where she knew she belonged.

 

Of course, her heart belonged with the flotilla, but her spirit? Ever since Shepard rescued her from the Shadow Broker, her spirit belonged with the human commander.

 

She rested her mask into her gloved hands and closed her eyes, visions of her past flashing in her mind. Visions of Saren; countless geth; the Thorian creature; Matriarch Benezia; the tattered results of Cerberus experiments; Kaiden, Ashley, Wrex, Liara, Garrus; Shepard. Shepard rallying those around her, Shepard in the engine room with her, Shepard embracing her before Tali left for the Flotilla, and Shepard’s coffin at her funeral.

 

Tali’s breathing became more deep as the memory of Shepard’s funeral played into the back of her eyelids like a vid.

 

_“Tali,” Liara gasped, running forward to embrace her quarian friend. “How sorry I am that we had to meet again under circumstances such as this.”_

 

_Tali pulled back from the hug and held onto Liara’s forearms, looking deep into the asari’s blue eyes that were swimming with tears. “I can’t believe it. I can’t believe Shepard is gone. She… she meant so much to me.”_

 

_“She meant so much to all of us. Her death is a loss to the galaxy. Please, have a seat with me.”_

 

_The two women walked through the aisles at the small, formal room that was being used for Shepard’s funeral. Although only those very close to her had been invited, hundreds were gathered just outside, wanting to pay their respects to the fallen Commander. They had her casket, albeit empty, positioned at the front of the room draped with the Alliance flag and surrounded by delicate white flowers. An early picture of Shepard, possibly from her recruitment, was watching over everyone in the room, a stern and dutiful expression painted on her face. Tali felt that Shepard’s eyes followed her as she side-stepped into an row._

 

_Tears began to burn in Tali’s eyes as she observed the grief-stricken faces surrounding her. She saw Joker holding a weeping Doctor Chakwas, Ashley and Wrex sitting together in a silent vigil, and Garrus sitting alone in the farthest corner of the room, his expression unreadable. Tali glanced downwards, tears forcing their way down her face. She watched Liara reach out to hold her hand, desperate for a source of comfort._

 

_“She would always talk to me, Tali, just to check up on me, after every mission.” Tears were flowing freely down Liara’s face as well. “I will never meet anyone as caring as the Commander.”_

 

_Tali was at a lost for words. The Commander had meant more to her than she could express, guiding her and helping her in every way that she could through the most important part of her life: her Pilgrimage. Regret and shame stung as she realized that she had never properly given her a thank you._

 

_Admiral Hackett stood from a front pew and took his place behind the podium. Silence filled the room as he addressed the audience. His speech was formal and contrite; he began by listing Shepard’s achievements in the Alliance, naming her family members who were mourning her loss, and reciting an Alliance poem dedicated to those who lost their lives during servitude. Not once did his voice waver or betray his grief; he was a solider, through and through._

 

_After his speech,  Ashley Williams stood and saluted Hackett before replacing him at the podium. She stood to face the crowd, her brow furrowed and her eyes wet with unshed tears._

 

_"By some odd chance, the Admiral has permitted me to say a few words dedicated to Shepard. So your cooperation during this trying speech is greatly appreciated._

 

_"There will never be another like Commander Shepard.  She was able to take down one of the greatest threats to our galaxy, both with style and grace. She always made time for every single one of her crew members. I will never forget how many times I would be walking through the Normandy to see her sitting and chatting with one of the thrust capacitor engineers, or the pilot, or even the requisitions officer. No matter how pressing each mission was, she always made time for anything that could make people happy.The way she treated her ground crew far exceeded any expections. She was an exemplary leader, inspiring everyone around her and earning both respect and love from those lucky enough to work with her._

 

_"When I started on the ship, I was what Shepard lovingly called a 'xenophobe'. But because of Shepard's unstoppable kindness towards every living creature, regardless of race or origin, I now consider several aliens to be my best friends." Ashley flashed a warm smile at Wrex, who nodded back at her. "In my time serving under her, she has shown the resilience and fighting spirit of a krogan, the resourcefullness and mechanical prowess of a quarian, the dedication to her people and her duty of a turian, and the wisdom and kindness of an asari. I think I'm speaking for my crew mates when I say that she has an honorary place among all the races of the galaxy." Ashley's gaze finally fell on Tali when she concluded her speech with, "I'm going to use a quarian quote that I heard once, that I find to be very suitable for the occasion. 'After time adrift among open stars, along tides of light and through shoals of dust, I will return to where I began'. Keelah Se'Lai, Shepard."_

 

_Strangled noises escaped from Tali's throat at the beauty of Ashley's words, and she muttered "thank you" so quietly that only Liara could hear her._

 

_Slowly the guests began to rise from their seats and greet each other, exchanging words of condolences. Shepard's parents and brother stood at the front of the room, all in Alliance uniform, muttering gentle words of thanks._

 

_Tali knew this would be the last time she would see many of those that she had begun to view as her second family, so she made sure to make her rounds and say her painful goodbyes._

 

_"Thank you for the beautiful speech, Ashley.  I'm absolutely  honoured that you chose a quote so important to the quarian people. You will always be Ashley vas Normandy to me."_

 

_The two woman embraced each other before Wrex enveloped both of them in a hug, nearly choking Tali. "I'll miss you two pyjaks so damn much," he grumbled. "But not as damn much as I'll miss the Commander."_

 

_"What will you both do now?" Tali asked, grateful to be able to breathe again as Wrex released them from the hug._

 

_"I'm staying on with the Alliance, hoping to make the Commander proud and do some good for humanity."_

 

_"Tuchanka for me. Time for me to make a difference for the krogan."_

 

_"I'll be back with the Migrant Fleet. Send me a comm wave any time."_

 

_Ashley and Wrex made their way out the door,  the crowd outside parting for Wrex's expression as much as his size._

 

_"Tali," Liara said gently from behind her. "It is time for me to part as well. But I have faith that by the Goddess we'll see each other soon. I promise you, Tali. I'll find Shepard's body. I'll find her." They held each other's forearms briefly before the asari followed Wrex and Ashley out the door. Tali noticed that Liara held herself differently; she was no longer as timid as before, and she seemed to have a newfound determination in the way that she moved. Tali wasn't sure where Liara was going, but she did know that wherever it was, she was going to make a difference._

 

_A quick scan of the room revealed that few scragglers were left, and most had left to persue their grief alone. Garrus, however, sat alone, his forearms resting on his knees, his gaze at his gloved talons. Tali approached him slowly, not wanting to disturb his thoughts._

 

_"Garrus?"_

 

_He took a moment to look around the room, his mouth slightly open. When his gaze met hers, she nearly let out a gasp at how lost  and afraid he looked._

 

_"Tali..." his voice sounded dry and hoarse from disuse. "What do I do?"_

 

_Absolute agony. She had never seen the normally composed turian in such a state of confusion and disrepair._

 

_"Something to honour Shepard's memory. Something that will make a difference in the galaxy. Be with your people."_

 

_His gaze bore into her. "My people aren't Shepard."_

 

_"Shepard would be disappointed to see you in such a state over her. She would want you to go somewhere in the galaxy that's just as broken as you are now and fix it, and fix yourself in the process."_

 

_He nodded slowly before returning to stare at his talons. "I should have been there. I should have been with her." He growled in frustration. "I told her I'd always be there to watch her six, and I left, and now she's dead. I should have been there."_

 

_He held his head in his taloned hands and uttered a low howl of agony. Tali reached over to rest her hand on his leathery shoulder, comfort emanating from her touch._

 

_"Don't spend all of your time regretting that which you can't change. Use this as an opportunity to grow as a turian. You're amazing, Garrus, and you can't spend all of your energy focusing on regret. Channel your emotions into something else."_

 

_"You're right," he growled, standing up quickly. "I need to do something good. Something to help people." His mandibles fluttered into a smile. "My shot is too good to waste. Thank you, Tali."_

 

_He gripped her forearms in a gesture of friendship, his sharp talons digging briefly into her arms before walking briskly out the door, a new determination in his step._

 

_"Bosh'tet," Tali muttered, laughing to herself before she bid farewell to Joker and Doctor Chakwas._

 

_It was time for her to go home._

 

She snapped back to reality at the realization that someone had been watching her. She spun around in her chair to face a familiar mask.

 

"Good to see you, Kal," she said, her smile wide beneath her mask. "What can I do for you?"

 

"I've received a report from the Admiralty Board, ma'am. I'll be accompanying you for protection on your trip to Haestrom."

 

Tali didn't miss him standing up a little straighter and tucking his hands behind his back when he said that he'd be accompanying her.

 

"Good to hear, Kal. I'll be glad to have someone I trust there. When are we expected to arrive?"

 

"We'll be taking the Caselli and we're expected to be leaving in two cycle's time. It's a three day trip from here."

 

"Excellent. I must finish my Freedom's Progress mission report. You're dismissed."

 

Kal gave her a firm nod before leaving her cabin. Tali turned back to her mission report, a faint smile on her face.

 

Freedom's Progress may have been a disaster, but at least she had something to look forward to.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello lovely readers! I hope everyone had a great holiday. Updates may still be a little off because unfortunately my significant other's mother is in the hospital, but I will do my very best. Thank you very much to those who have left comments and kudos, your love is very appreciated.


	8. Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This is the first of my brief intermissions. They're not essential to the story, just something to add to my little universe. I hope you all enjoy!

Hannah Shepard was aboard the MSV Yerevan in the process of a repairing the idler pulley on their Kodiak. She cursed loudly as she realized that one of the screws was stripped, and as she was reaching down into her bag to look for the correct attachment for her ratchet her omni-tool pinged. Captain Papadakos was calling for her.

 

“Captain,” she said, standing straight and saluting to his hologram dutifully.

 

“Shepard, I need you up in the communications room. There’s an incoming message marked urgent for you.”

 

Hannah returned her ratchet to its case and briskly made her way up the three flights of stairs to the communications room. She ran up the last of stairs in panic, her mind laden with concern for her on-duty husband.

 

When she reached the door, she took a deep breath before it opened before her, revealing her brightly smiling Captain.

 

“Someone wants to talk to you, Shepard. Someone you haven't seen in a while.”

 

Hannah rounded the corner, her knees buckling when she realized she was facing the holo of her daughter.

 

“Zoey!” she cried, running forward to get as close to the holo as possible, tears springing into her eyes. “Oh, Zoey.”

 

Hannah saw Zoey's lip tremble with emotion as she gazed fondly at her mother. Papadakos left the room quietly, the door closing behind him.

 

“Zoey, I've missed you so, but we were told you were dead! What happened? Where are you? When can I see you?”

 

Despite the thrill coursing through her, Hannah felt an eerie chill at the slight changes in her daughter's face. It was akin to speaking to a poor impression of her. But her voice, her expression, the way she faintly scrunched her noise before smiling, it was all Zoey.

 

Her daughter blinked hard to hold back tears. “They brought me back, mom. Brought me back from the dead. I was spaced.” Hannah could see pain in her daughter's eyes. “I don't know how to feel about this, mom. This seems against the laws of nature. I'm not complaining but... we die for a reason right? We're not meant to come back from the dead. They spent billions on me. It's so much pressure, I...”

 

“Zoey,” Hannah said in a stern voice. “I'm so proud of everything you've accomplished. But there's a force in the universe that knows that they need your talents again. This is just a sign for you. A sign that you need to cherish every second you have, because you are more aware than ever that those seconds can be cut short at any moment. Cherish your time with those you love, those you care about.”

 

“I love and care about you, mom. I want to see you and dad as soon as I can.”

 

“Next time we're on shore leave at Rayingri, I'll send you a comm wave. I just hope you'll be able to meet us there.”

 

“I'll make sure that I can. I love you, mom.”

 

“I love you, Zoey.”

 

The comm link closed, and Hannah broke down on the floor, weeping tears of joy.


	9. Chapter Seven

The Noose - A Perfect Circle

 

"Miranda! What the hell is going on?"

 

Miranda jumped at the voice of her commander, eager to please.

 

"We've taken down the mech, Commander. No other troops visible, but there could be snipers. I'd recommend performing a sweep--"

 

"Just get over here, Lawson, now." Shepard sounded impatient. "Taylor, sweep the area. Notify when clear. Shutting off outgoing comm channel."

 

Concerned at her commander's forceful tone of voice, Miranda jogged over to where the she was in cover. Shepard removed her helmet quickly; sweat was sticking her hair to her head, and her eyes were bulging out of their sockets in surprise.

 

"Explain!" Shepard shouted, pointing at her uncovered hand.

 

"I apologize that I was unable to cover you better Commander, it was a clean shot and we're lucky it just brushed your--"

 

"Not the fact that I was shot. Watch the wound!"

 

Miranda took a moment to gaze at the injury, disconcerted at the condescending tone her commander was using. Although Miranda was a firm believer that she would always be a better leader than a follower, The Illusive Man told her that she had to follow Shepard regardless of the cost. So she did her best to keep her mouth shut and follow, even though Shepard and she had already disagreed on several occasions.

 

The Cerberus Operative let out a loud gasp when she watched the flesh at the wound start to crawl inwards as if it was--

 

But that was impossible.

 

How could the wound be healing itself?

 

"What did you do to me when you had me on your table, Miranda? Some sort of experimental regeneration? First you change my appearance, and now this? I'm not ok with this being done without my approval."

 

"I assure you, Commander, I'm just as surprised as you are right now."

 

Jacob's voice crackled onto the comm channel. "All clear. Everything alright over there, Commander?"

 

Miranda watched Shepard click her outgoing comm channel back on. Although she had only known the Commander for a few days, she had never seen her so angry. "It would be if your fellow operative started being honest with me. You know anything about any regeneration experiments, Jacob?"

 

"No, ma'am. Only resurrection."

 

Miranda smiled gently at a glimpse of the Jacob she was so enamored with years ago, before his sense of duty took over his sense of humour. Although she was thrilled to have a friendly face on the Normandy with her, Jacob had become a thoroughly boring, duty-oriented soldier, one who she damn sure wasn't in a rush to have off-duty chit-chat with. There was a reason she had turned to the extranet dating services instead of thinking of giving him a second chance with her fine ass.

 

"So Jacob, no idea why my wound is healing itself?"

 

Brief comm silence. "Can't say I have an idea, no."

 

Shepard turned back to Miranda, a clear scowl on her face. "So, Miranda, it seems a little odd to me that the project leader for Lazarus isn't aware of such a major change in my genetic structure."

 

"Have to agree with you there, Shepard."

 

Miranda truly was clueless what the hell was going on with the Commander. She was told to make Shepard as close to the original as possible with no changes, which was what she did. But this? This was new. She knew that she needed to see The Illusive Man right away and get some answers.

 

"We need to get back to the Normandy and call The Illusive Man. He's bound to have a better idea of what's going on than I do."

 

"Let's see if we can help Veetor and then high tail it out of here."

 

\--

 

Miranda and Shepard stood side-by-side in the communications room facing The Illusive Man. The two women at that moment couldn't look any different: Shepard's sweat-covered hair was standing in every direction, she was still in her blood-soaked armour, and her face was etched into a clearly defined scowl. Miranda on the other hand was the picture of composition: her hair and armour were immaculate, her hands were tied behind her back and her face was dutifully neutral.

 

"Good work Shepard and Lawson. We have confirmed the Collector presence now. We need to start building a team so we can prepare to --"

 

"Wait a fucking second, Illusive Man." Shepard was pointing at him with fury in her eyes. "Before I agree to move on with any of this I need some answers. When we were on Freedom's Progress, I was hit. But the wound regenerated, healing itself. Lawson is handing me a cock-and-bull story about how she has no idea, but I don't believe it for one second and this is my body so I have every right to know what the hell is going on."

 

"Miranda's not lying, Shepard. She doesn't know what's going on. Only I do."

 

Miranda narrowed her eyes at The Illusive Man. "I thought you trusted me."

 

The Illusive Man turned away from the women and took a long sip of his scotch. His constant drinking and smoking was starting to irritate Miranda, who treated her body like a temple. "I do, Miranda. But there are some things you can trust no one with. And Shepard, I'm not the one who should be explaining it to you. The salarian scientist Mordin Solus should be explaining it. I'm forwarding you the dossier for him, as well as three other recruits for your team. I urge you to put Solus as your top priority.

 

"We all have a lot of work to do. Let's get to it."

 

Shepard watched him reach to close the channel. "Don't you dare shut me off without answering my--"

 

With that, he closed the comm connection.

 

"--Questions," she finished lamely. Shepard let out a loud growl and turned to Miranda, her face slowly softening from frustration to determination. "He can be an asshole sometimes. I'm impressed you dealt with him for so long."

 

Miranda laughed lightly. "I'm not too impressed with him hiding something so important from me, but he's still my boss, and I'll respect him."

 

"And I'll respect that!" Shepard smiled faintly at Miranda. She was starting to see what made Shepard such a great commander: at the best of times, she had a way with people. "I noticed we have a little combat area in the cargo bay. Want to tape The Illusive Man's face to some of the dummies and beat the crap out of them with me?"

 

This brought out a loud laugh from the normally stoic Miranda. For once, the two had something to agree on. "I'd like that."

 

The two women exited the communications room, spending the remainder of the evening discussing the farce that was men.


	10. Chapter Eight

Dark - Seasick Steve

 

Garrus's hand trembled violently as he input his father's comm code. He hadn't spoken to any of his family members in two years, and he doubted they would forgive him for his abandonment of them. But given his current situation, he felt that he owed them one last chance to hear from him.

 

To put it in layman’s terms, he was fucked. He had been cornered for two days now, living off of rations and adrenaline. No sleep, barely anything to eat or drink. Although every one of his shots still landed -- he never missed -- he was growing tired and the mercs weren't stopping any time soon. They were pausing now -- no doubt to either regroup or plan another radical method of attack -- so he took the brief pause to throw the last of his water down his throat, choke down some of that disgusting nutrient paste, and call his family to apologize.

 

He heard a click as his father answered his comm wave, followed by a hesitant: "Raius Vakarian."

 

"Dad," Garrus whispered.

 

A long pause succeeded the fateful word. "Son?"

 

"Yeah it's... it's me."

 

"Where the hell are you, son? We -- we haven't heard from you in so long -- we didn't know if you were still alive..."

 

"I'm in a jam, dad, and I don't know if I'll be able to get out of it. I've pissed off a lot of people in the name of justice, but they're fighting back, and I'm cornered and alone. I'm sorry for waiting for so long to get in contact with you, but it hasn't been an easy two years for me."

 

"You think it's been an easy two years for me, Garrus?" He shrunk when he heard his father's anger. "You think it's been easy for me, working all day and taking care of your mother and sister all night? Your mother's hospital bills are so high that we haven't been eating more than rations for six months. Six months, Garrus. We've sold almost every possession."

 

Garrus's voice betrayed him and he let out a low howl of pain. "It's not much, but I'll forward to you what I have left in my bank account. I still have a few thousand credits in my pension fund from C-Sec."

 

"It's not just the money, Garrus; it's the stress on the family of constantly not knowing where you are. Your mother has fewer and fewer days of remembering _who_ you are."

 

He took in a deep breath, his heart aching at the thought of his loving mother losing all of her precious memories. At that moment, he wanted nothing more than to feel his mother's forehead resting against his own, and to hear her comforting words telling him that he would be ok. "That's why I'm calling to apologize, dad. I've been a terrible son and brother. I don't think that there's a way I'll be able to make amends --"

 

"Damn straight there isn't!"

 

"But unless the Spirits save me, this is the end. Between you and I, dad, I want you to know that I went out fighting evil and helping the good. I may never be the model turian you wanted me to be, but at least you can rest knowing that I did something good for the world."

 

Raius let out a long sigh. "Thank you for getting in touch with me, son. I'll never forgive you for leaving C-Sec, and I'll definitely never forgive you for abandoning us for two years, but I appreciate you giving the smallest effort to make amends."

 

His words stung, but Garrus knew he deserved it. "Can I... Can I talk to mom? I won't tell her about my current situation but... I... want to hear her voice."

 

"That's your choice. Give me a moment."

 

The line was silent for a few seconds, so Garrus took the opportunity to take out his rifle and scope the area. He took out one scout, but the area was otherwise clear, so he dipped back into cover.

 

"Tallia Vakarian speaking."

 

"Mom? It's your son, Garrus."

 

Garrus heard silence on the line. "My son? What son? I don't have a son. Raius, take the comm back please, it must be one of those prank callers. He's saying he's my son... really... it's--"

 

Garrus cut the comm, letting out a quiet but agonizing howl.

 

_I don't have a son._

 

_I don't have a son._

 

_I don't have a son._

 

Those words would haunt him for the rest of his life.

 

He slipped further into cover, holding his helmet-covered face in his taloned hands. He closed his eyes, feeling his whole body ache with the emotional pain. Unlike humans, he didn't have tears to release him from the pain building inside of him, so instead he released low, primal howls of pain. He understood at that moment the desire for death. To no longer have any want to grace this galaxy, knowing there was no one there for him.

 

He swallowed back his pain and loaded his rifle. Although he had accepted that he was nearing the end, he was going to take out as many goddamn merc criminals as he could on the way.

 

\--

 

"Alright, Jacob, Miranda, let's assess the situation. We have two team members on Omega to recruit: Archangel and Doctor Solus. We're going to have to try and make our way into the quarantine zone to access Mordin, and we're going to run into a lot of Blue Suns, so Miranda, I'll want you with me to take down their shields. That being said, Mordin doesn't appear to be in any immediate danger, although we need him for maximum lab time on the ship.

 

"On the other hand, we have Archangel, who's currently holed up with endless waves of mercs being sent to kill him. I'm going to want Zaeed on my mission, what better way to infiltrate a group of mercs than with a merc? Although I'm sure that Archangel will prove to be an invaluable asset to the team, we don't need his skills as badly as we need Mordin's research. But he's no good to me dead if the mercs manage to take him down before we get there.

 

"As my team, I value your opinion. Who should we get first?"

 

Jacob shared a significant glance with Miranda. The last thing they expected was their commander not only asking for their opinion, but saying that she valued it. Between being in the Alliance and working for Cerberus, Jacob had spent so many years being a yes man that he had entirely forgotten how it felt to have someone want to hear what you have to say.

 

"If Archangel is as good of a fighter as his dossier says, I think he can hold his own for a few more hours," Miranda said. "We need to start researching the Collectors as soon as we can and learn our enemy."

 

"I'm going to have to disagree with you on that one, Miranda," Jacob countered. "I'm sure Archangel is more than capable, but I think that research can wait a few more hours. Besides, it's not like we're going to be hitting the Collector base tomorrow."

 

"Alright Operatives, let's go back to the ship and pick up Zaeed. Jacob, you'll be coming with me. Miranda, I want you to use this chance to see if you can get us any more information on this quarantine and see if you can find a way to get us into that quarantine zone.

  
"Let's get Archangel."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Garrus's mother having Corpalis was something that always hit close to home for me because my grandfather suffered from dementia. He spent the last of his years in a retirement home, and we would visit him often but it was haunting the way he'd smile when he saw us even though he couldn't remember who we were. This was a hard one to write for that reason.


	11. Chapter Nine

Numb - Gary Clark Jr.

 

_Damn, this guy has a good shot. He's definitely going to be a good addition._

 

From the sidelines, Jacob was observing Archangel’s shooting. Whoever he was, he was clearly a highly trained sniper: every shot he fired landed either on the forehead or between the eyes, and the untrained mercs were dropping like flies.

 

No wonder these guys were so desperate to get recruits. He must have taken hundreds of guys down already.

 

"Are we gonna get in there or what?" Zaeed growled to Jacob as they kept watch while the Commander sabotaged the merc's gunship. "I have an itch to kill some of these guddamn idiots."

 

"I feel you, Massani. But the Commander is right: sabotaging their gunship is going to help us a helluva lot."

 

Zaeed patted his assault rifle affectionately. "I prefer this to playing with any toys." 

 

"Alright men, let's get out there. We have a turian to save."

 

Shepard jumped over the blockade. She took a few jogging steps before launching into what Jacob called 'combat mode', where she dove into cover and directed her men and her own biotic moves with perfect choreography. Jacob had never met a more skilled commander with such a natural sense of the battlefield. He sat behind cover and observed her dance: she stood out of cover, threw a singularity into the middle of three mercs, jumped over that cover, ran forward to take the helpless men out with well-aimed pistol headshots, used a biotic throw on a fourth merc to send him over the edge of the walkway, and rolled into an advanced cover.

 

Jacob jumped when he felt a bullet whizz past his head and a merc directly beside him dropped to the ground.

 

"Get your head out of your ass and watch my six!" Zaeed growled as he ran forward to meet up with the commander.

 

Jacob cursed his lack of attention and used a biotic pull to launch the last merc helplessly in the air before one of Archangel's perfect headshots took him out.

 

They ran forward into Archangel's small base, weapons out, scanning the room for any potential threats. Jacob called the room out as clear, and Shepard collected a medi-gel packet before jogging up the stairs. She had come out of 'combat mode' now, and he saw a surprising eagerness to her expression beneath her helmet.

 

Jacob jogged behind Shepard down the hallway, passing untouched bins of medi-gel and ammo. She stopped and watched the sniper take out one last merc before crossing her arms and lifting her chin. "Archangel?"

 

He turned to face them, sitting and resting his feet on a crate with his rifle beside him before removing his helmet.

 

As soon as he did, Shepard removed her helmet and her face completely lit up, changing from his hard-as-nails Commander to the happiest woman he had ever seen.

 

"Garrus!" she cried out, at the same time as Archangel breathed out, "Shepard."

 

Archangel -- or Garrus, Jacob supposed -- stood and the two jogged towards each other. Abandoning all notions of professionalism, Shepard threw her arms around the turian, pulling him into a tight embrace.

 

"Am I dreaming? Or am I dead?" he whispered into her hair, his subharmonics purring. He took a moment to enjoy the hug before pulling away. "I thought _you_ were dead, I went to your funeral."

 

"I take it you two know each other?" Zaeed mumbled in the background.

 

"I was, but Cerberus brought me back. Long story," she said, responding to his quizzical expression. "I didn't know where you were either; I was so worried that you could have been dead..."

 

"This is a real sweet reunion," Zaeed interrupted, "but don't we have to find a way to get the hell out of here?"

 

"Right." Shepard nodded firmly, her face returning to its normally stoic expression. "Just like old times, eh Garrus?"

 

The turian laughed. "Let's get to work."

 

\--

 

Time slowed to an agonizing pace.

 

Shepard watched, helplessly, as the gunship's rocket made a clean shot at Garrus, directly at the right side of his face.

 

She immediately dove out of cover, making a beeline to him. Panic seized her lungs, making it difficult to breathe.

 

When she reached him, his head was surrounded by a pool of blue blood. She quickly swiped her omni-tool over him; vital signs were detected, but they were weak.

 

"I hate to interrupt, Commander, but this damn gunship is still shooting at us!"

 

"Then take that bastard down!" She shouted to Jacob. She leaned down to whisper into Garrus's ear, "I'm going to get revenge for you, Garrus, so I need you to hold on just a little longer. The world needs you. I need you." The last words came almost compulsively, and she felt that she faintly recognized them but she wasn't sure from where. But they made sense; humanity needed someone like Garrus to help take down the Collectors, and she knew that she needed her unofficial second-in-command on her ship. There had been emptiness in her life and on the ship since she had been brought back by Cerberus, but the second she saw Garrus that emptiness left her. He was her advisor, her best soldier, and her best friend. It only made sense for them to jump into the fire together.

 

A renewed sense of conviction flowed through her veins. Shepard always worked best when she was angry.

 

She pulled out her grenade launcher to fire a shot at the gunship, hitting it directly on the glass before it flew out of her line of sight. When it returned, it dropped off a small group of mercs before flying to cover again.

 

"Jacob, switch to incendiary ammo and then use pull on the merc at your 2 o'clock. Zaeed, concussive shot on that leader. I'm going to use shockwave in the middle of the group, so prepare to hit any of the stragglers."

 

Although Jacob stumbled and missed his biotic pull, he hit another merc directly in the face with his shotgun. Zaeed was proving to have an excellent shot and was absolutely ruthless. Their styles were very different, but Shepard was pleased to find them working well together.

 

Not as well as Ashley, Garrus and herself, of course.

 

The gunship came back for another piece, so Shepard sent two more grenades its way before switching to her pistol. "Jacob, hit that gunship as much as you can, I need your incendiary ammo. Zaeed, work on taking out any ground troops."

 

Within minutes, the gunship and all troops had been taken down, and Shepard was back by Garrus's side, radioing Joker. "I need a pickup fast as a racehorse, Joker, Garrus is Archangel and he's hurt."

 

"Garrus?! I... right away, Commander."

 

Shepard took hold of the armour covering Garrus's cowl and lowered her forehead onto his chest. She could hear that each breath was laboured. "Don't worry Garrus, just a few more minutes... Hang in there. We need you on the team; I need you as my advisor, just hang in a little longer. We even have Doctor Chakwas, so you know she'll take the best care of you, you'll be up and running in no time..."

 

Although he was unconscious and couldn't hear her, Shepard's constant flow of words was more of a comfort to her than to him.

 

"We can do this, Garrus. You'll be ok. You have to be ok."


	12. Chapter Ten

Everlasting Light - The Black Keys

 

Shepard stood at a silent vigil in the corner of the medbay, her eyes never leaving Garrus. She kept wondering to herself: could she have watched him better? Kept a better eye on his six? Could she have saved him if she had done a better job of sabotaging the gunship? Or if she had arrived earlier?

 

She began pacing on the spot, her heavy boots loud on the ship's hard floor. She was still wearing her complete armour, Garrus's blood strewn across it as a reminder of her failure as a leader.

 

"Commander." Doctor Chakwas's soothing voice interrupted her pacing. "Although I'm thrilled you care so much about your team, I need my medbay to work. Do you mind..."

 

Shepard acquiesced to leaving the medbay, shooting a last furtive glance at Garrus. As soon as the doors shut behind her, she leaned her back against the wall nearest to the door and closed her eyes.

 

She could smell Jacob's cologne before she heard his voice notifying her of his presence. Clearly showering had been his highest priority after finishing the mission. "Commander?"

 

"Yes, Taylor."

 

"May I suggest staying in the briefing room? I can come get you when we have news. Doctor Chakwas has requested my assistance with the procedure in the meantime." He flashed a sparkling white smile at her. "Besides, there’s lots of room to pace in there."

 

She waved him off with a blood-covered hand, accepting her medical dismissal.

 

"Just get me as soon as you have news," she said, walking towards the elevator.

 

As the doors to the elevator closed, she slipped down the wall and held her face in her hands, her scream of frustration muted by her gloves.

 

\--

 

Garrus dreamed. Although his dreams were mostly bright shapes and colours moving without a distinct pattern, a few of his dreams were as clear as waking.

 

One of the dreams was a memory. It was back on the original Normandy, after Noveria. Shepard and he were inside the Mako, and Shepard was completely taking apart the dashboard to change the heater core, which had blown at the very end of the mission due to the planet's sub-zero temperatures.

 

Shepard's upper body disappeared as she climbed under the dashboard, only her legs and one of her hands sticking out. "Pass me a 15mm wrench. It's in the bigger tool box."

 

Garrus dutifully handed her the wrench and continued to watch her work. Although he was an expert at anything to do with calibrations or engine computers, Shepard had an unbeatable knowledge of any vehicle's mechanical components.

 

"How did you become so proficient with mechanics?" Garrus asked as he took the wrench from her and handed her an impact gun.

 

"Do you want the long story or the short story?"

 

"Give me the long story. I'm not going anywhere any time soon."

 

"Hand me a towel then, and the spray bottle of lubricant in the small bag."

 

He did as she requested, and she sprayed the lubricant over the seized bolts and used the towel to wipe off the grease that splashed back onto her face.

 

"Put the 17mm socket on the impact gun, would you?" She quickly removed two of the bolts before beginning her story. "It began when I was a kid. Did you know I grew up almost entirely on spaceships?" Garrus shook his head. Feeling foolish at the realization that she couldn't see him, he said, "No. But, between growing up on ships and being a mechanic, you're basically a honourary quarian."

 

She laughed lightly. "Haven't heard that one before, but I suppose it's true. Anyways, from the age of about six on I had a constant routine with my family. I'd wake up at oh-six-hundred hours, have a shower, and have my breakfast with my parents and brother."

 

"You have a brother?"

 

"Yes, Malcolm. He's five years younger than me. I had an older sister as well but... that's a story for another time. Can you pass me a pair of vice grips?"

 

Garrus obliged, and Shepard continued with her story. "After breakfast, I'd spend my mornings with my mother. We'd do my lessons -- geometry, calculus, physics, chemistry, English, French, that sort of thing -- for the first two hours or so of my day--"

 

"You speak other human languages?"

 

"Just one. Please take these vice grips and hand me the needle nose pliers. Not those ones, the ones with the blue handle." She emitted a grunt of effort. "My mother grew up in France, so in spite of universal translators she found it important for me to learn French. So after my lessons, my mother would have to make her rounds around whichever ship we were on at the time, inspecting everything mechanical to make sure that it was sound. I'd follow her on the rounds and she would teach me everything that she was inspecting and working on at the time.  She was a very hands-on teacher, so by the time I was eleven or twelve and more dexterous, she had me taking over a lot of the basic work like oil changes and changing belts. By the time I was seventeen, she had me doing everything and she would just supervise. It may seem lackadaisical of her, but it taught me so much that I'm eternally grateful. Take this old core away and pass me that new one, as well as that impact gun with the 17mm socket again.

 

"Afternoons were spent with my father. He taught me history, not just of the humans but of all the races,  and everything related to ships and space travel. He also taught me how to harness my latent biotic abilities and how to shoot a pistol. After my time with my father, which was until about fifteen hundred hours, I would have my exercise time. When I was quite young it usually meant running around the ship pestering various occupants, but as I grew older it became hand-to-hand combat against training mechs and a lot of running on a treadmill. By the time I had enlisted and joined basic, they'd try to make me run and do push-ups for punishment but I considered it the most fun part of the day."

 

"How often did you change ship assignments?"

 

"We bounced between ships frequently, every six months or so. My mother's mechanical expertise was a hot commodity. My dad had a great shot, so they'd often send him on ground missions or use him for training new recruits, but my mom was the reason we were so in demand. They'd give her a shuttle that three other mechanics tried to fix, she'd look underneath it, and in five minutes she knew what was wrong. She's a real genius. I only have half of her natural ability."

 

"You mentioned that your biotic abilities are latent. You don't have implants?"

 

"Eezo exposure in the womb. They had to send my mother onto the ground to fix a broken transport once, she didn't know she was pregnant at the time and they were only about 500 metres away from raw eezo. I'm lucky I'm even here. 15mm torque wrench please. The big one. Enough about me, though, what's your story?"

 

"My family has always been well known on Palaven, and my father..."

 

The dream started to fade out, replaced again by odd shapes and colours. He could faintly hear far-off voices speaking about scars and grafts, but nothing was distinguishable.

 

He found himself in another dream, not a memory but just as clear. He was standing on a rocky pier, facing a vast blue ocean touched by the colours of the sunrise. Shepard was standing on the edge of the pier, both her hair and her flowing white dress dancing in the wind. She was gazing off into the water, the sunrise illuminating her outline.

 

Garrus approached her and she turned around to face him. She looked up into his blue eyes with her light brown ones, and she smiled so faintly before she closed her eyes. Garrus leaned down, touching his forehead to hers before he closed his eyes as well.

 

"Come back to me, Garrus. I need you."

 

When Garrus opened his eyes, he was no longer at the ocean; he was at the operating table, and Doctor Chakwas was looking down at him, smiling. "Welcome back. Good to see you, Garrus."

 

Garrus sat up slowly. His whole head hurt and he felt extremely numb and disconnected from his body.

 

"Easy, Garrus," Chakwas said, putting her hand on his shoulder to try and ease him back on the bed. "You've been through a lot and you need your rest."

 

"I need to see Shepard," he said, swinging his long legs over the side of the bed, using extra caution with his sensitive spurs. "I'll rest after."

 

"I can just page her, she'll be--"

 

"Don't worry about me, Doctor." He stood up slowly, feeling everything spinning around him. He was determined to go upstairs and see Shepard, so he flashed the doctor a confident smile. "I'll be right back."

 

He strolled out the door, walking with as much confidence as possible before he realized that he had no idea where he was going. "Doctor, where is our good Commander?"

 

Karin laughed gently. "Up the elevator to the second floor, left out the elevator, left into the armoury, another left, and the briefing room will be on your right."

 

"Second floor, left, left, left, right. Got it. By the way... thank you, Doctor."

 

Garrus turned and headed towards the elevator, his mandibles fluttering into a smile at the thought of the expression on Shepard's face when she saw him walking around the ship already.

 

\--

 

Garrus heard Jacob speaking to Shepard as he approached the briefing room. "We did what we could for him, but it was a bad hit. There will be permanent scarring..."

 

The door opened before Garrus, revealing the meticulously clean briefing room with its pristine oak table, holographic model of the Normandy, and two humans with very surprised expressions.

 

"Tough bastard, didn't think he'd be up yet." Jacob crossed his arms and looked up at Garrus with an expression of approval.

 

"How bad is it?" Garrus asked, facing Shepard. "No one will give me a mirror."

 

"Hell, Garrus, you were always ugly. Slap some face paint on there and no one’ll even notice."

 

Garrus laughed, cringing immediately at the wave of pain it sent through his face. "Women like scars. Mind you, most of these women are krogan." _Or hopefully human..._

 

"Jacob, do you mind giving us a couple minutes?" Shepard asked.

 

As soon as Jacob left the room, she ran up to embrace Garrus in a tight hug, setting his heart ablaze. Her voice muffled by his cowl, she said, "It's so good to have you back, Garrus. I'm so glad you're ok."

 

"What's the story, Shepard? Two years ago you were doing shakedown missions for the Alliance, then you die, and now you're here? I went to your funeral, Shepard. I'm glad to see you but I'd like to know what's going on."

 

"I did die, Garrus. Cerberus spent billions to bring me back. The Collectors are abducting entire human colonies and they wanted to bring me back to find out why." Shepard let out a sad sigh. "It's all been so confusing, Garrus. I remember dying, I remember strange dreams, and when I woke up I was in a Cerberus medical facility that was under attack. Miranda and Jacob... they're good people, but I don't trust them. I don't trust Cerberus."

 

She turned away from him. "There's more, Garrus. EDI?"

 

"Yes, Commander Shepard?"

 

"Privacy level Alpha in the briefing room. I mean it. I'll give you back to the Illusive Man in pieces if anyone other than Garrus and me hear this conversation."

 

"Understood, Commander. Logging you out."

 

"Ship VI?" Garrus asked, crossing his arms.

 

"AI, actually."

 

"After everything we went through fighting Saren you trust an AI?"

 

She turned to walk. "Trust is a strong word. But I don't have much of a choice, it came with the ship."

 

_At least she doesn't call it she._

 

Shepard was on the opposite side of the table now, her weight on her hands that were pressed into the oak.

 

"Listen, Garrus. The whole place is bugged so they'll hear us anyways and I know you're exhausted but... I've really needed someone to talk to about this and you're one of the few people in this galaxy that I trust."

 

She let out a long sigh, her brow furrowed. Human facial expressions were incredibly exaggerated and easy to read compared to turians. Right now, he could tell that she was fighting to hold something back, and it was frustrating her.

 

"They've changed you," he muttered, walking closer to her so he could scrutinize her face. "Your scar is gone. Your nose, eyes, and lips are different. Why did they change you?"

 

"To make me more 'marketable'. Apparently the face I was born with wasn't good enough for them." She laughed harshly and turned around so her lower back was leaning against the table, crossing her arms across her chest. "That's not all," she said in a low voice. "We went to a colony by the name of Freedom's Progress a few days back. Tali was there, but she wouldn't come with me. We got in a few fights, and I got grazed in the hand at one point. After the fight, I looked at my hand to judge how much medi-gel to administer, and the skin was _regenerating._ "

 

"Regenerating? What do you mean?"

 

"I don't know exactly, Garrus, but the wound was healing itself. I still felt the pain from receiving the wound, but within minutes, I was watching it heal. I confronted The Illusive Man--"

 

"The who?"

 

"Mysterious head of Cerberus. I confronted Miranda first, since she was the head of the project to bring me back, but she had no idea. So when we got back to the ship, I spoke to The Illusive Man, and all he told me was that I had to recruit the salarian scientist Mordin Solus and he'd explain everything to me."

 

"So? What did Solus say?"

 

"I haven't been to see him yet."

 

"Why did you get me first?"

 

Shepard smirked. "I thought my timing was pretty spot on."

 

"Don't think I'm ungrateful," Garrus said, holding his hands up defensively. "I'm very, very glad you came to get me. Not that I wouldn't have been able to hold my own for a little while longer. But weren't you curious about what's going on?"

 

"Of course I am. But when I analyzed the situation, even before I knew who you were, I knew you were in more immediate danger and I knew I'd rather have you alive than have information right away. So here we are." She smiled warmly at him.

 

"Here we are." His voice became soft and his subharmonics purred. He could read her vitals on his visor, and saw her breathing and heart rate increase. He wasn't as knowledgeable of human physical reactions, but he took it as a good one.

 

"So what happened to you in the last two years, Garrus?"

 

"I'll tell you... but not now. Doctor Chakwas is going to force me to rest if I don't go on my own. I'm going to check out the ship, see if I can find a quiet place to keep my things.

 

"When are we going to get Mordin?"

 

"Considering the fact that you just took a rocket to the face, and Mordin is currently in a quarantine zone for a highly infectious virus that affects turians but not humans, I think you should sit this one out. Get some rest, I'll need you for the other two dossiers."

 

"I look forward to working with you again, Shepard. Well, as much as you can look forward to a suicide mission."

 

Shepard leaned forward and laughed lightly. "Me too, Garrus. Me too."

  
He made his way back to the medbay, a little extra spring in his step. For a man who had wanted to be dead a few hours earlier, he felt very alive.


	13. Chapter Eleven

Collapse the Light into Earth - Porcupine Tree

 

_Scientific Log of Doctor Mordin Solus_

 

_Entry 15,438 -- Normandy time 1545 hours July 18, 2185_

 

_Cured virus on Omega. Saved many lives. Disappointing lack of moral gratification. Met Commander Shepard. Strong-willed, and excellent soldier. Was recruited onto Normandy vessel. Cerberus scientific facilities impressive. Looking forward to studying Collectors. Current data limited. Will write extensive paper upon mission completion. Solus out._

 

Mordin heard the door opening to his lab as he finished his log entry. He wasn't surprised to see that it was Shepard.

 

"Shepard, what can I do for you?"

 

"EDI? Privacy level Alpha. Same threat as before: returned to Illusive Man in pieces."

 

"Understood, Commander. Logging you out."

 

Shepard approached Mordin's desk, his gaze never leaving his console. "I can't trust Cerberus," she said, her voice low, "but I desperately need your help with some research so I'm going to have to risk them overhearing us."

 

"But Collector research remains top priority?" Mordin inquired, his fingers flying over his keyboard.

 

"This will be for the moment. But with your abilities, it shouldn't take you long. I do need to be sure that everything that happens in this lab is strictly confidential between you and me."

 

"Patient-doctor confidentiality, Shepard. Won't tell a soul."

 

"Good. As you may or may not know, Cerberus reconstructed me after my death."

 

"I'm aware. Very impressive work."

 

"Well when they had me on the verge of life and death they made some... changes. They improved my biotics and combat skills, and changed some of my facial features." She lowered her voice even further. "But when we were out on our first mission, I was hit. Grazed with a bullet on the hand. When I looked at the wound it was... regenerating."

 

Mordin's looked up from his computer, his expression changing to one of surprise while his hand flew to his chin. "Regeneration? Impossible. Many failed attempts in past. Desire to replicate krogan redundant nervous system. Resulted in patient death. May I test it?"

 

"Do what you need to do, Doctor."

 

"Have a seat," he said, gesturing to the examination table in the far corner of the lab. He dug for a syringe and small scalpel. "Was pain experienced on impact?"

 

"Everything felt normal until it started healing itself."

 

"Good." He stood in front of Shepard, pulling her forearm straight. "Injection will numb area. Will make small incision with scalpel, then record results with omni-tool."

 

Shepard watched her arm with an expression of apprehension as he first numbed the area, waited a few seconds, and then made the incision. It was small, but she bled slightly. When he wiped away the blood with a small piece of gauze, the wound had disappeared.

 

Mordin stepped back, his hand on his forehead. He stared at her arm for a minute in silence before returning to his desk to pull out more tools. "Don't want to be morbid, but must conduct further testing. Needs more damage."

 

He turned to face the commander, his pistol in his hand. "May I shoot you?"

 

She laughed lightly. "Never thought someone would be asking my permission, but of course."

 

He approached her again with a larger needle, which numbed her entire arm. She lifted her arm and dropped it back onto the table, feeling like the entire limb had disappeared. Satisfied that it would be painless, she said, "Shoot away."

 

Mordin waved his omni-tool at the doors to ensure that they were locked and sound-proof before cocking his gun and aiming it at his Commander's outstretched arm.

 

"Excellent first impression of Shepard. Shooting her for science."

 

Mordin's aim was true, and Shepard jumped when she heard the shot but did not feel it enter her arm. Mordin approached her and held her arm in his long-fingered hands while he studied the wound. It remained still for a moment before the skin began to crawl inwards towards the centre of the wound, and within a minute the gunshot wound was completely invisible.

 

"Incredible," Mordin muttered. "Absolutely incredible. DNA samples required for further analysis. May I?" Shepard nodded and Mordin ran to his desk, taking out an empty syringe and taking a small amount of blood from her arm.

 

"Will need a day to run tests. Comm wave will be sent on completion."

 

"Thank you, Mordin. Your help is greatly appreciated. We're going to set our course for Purgatory to recruit our next team member. If your research here is completed I'd like you on my ground team."

 

"Excellent. I'll get to work. Speak with you then."

 

Shepard exited the lab and made her way to the bridge to notify Joker of their course.

 

\--

 

_Scientific Log of Doctor Mordin Solus_

 

_Entry 15,440 -- Normandy time 0250 hours  July 19, 2185_

 

_Cerberus discovery is phenomenal. Astronomical. Must speak to Shepard immediately. Her body. Deserves to know. Solus out._

 

"Shepard. Please wake up. Mordin Solus is requesting to speak with you immediately, he says it's a matter of the utmost importance."

 

Shepard groaned as the lights in her cabin turned on, temporarily blinding her. "What time is it, EDI?"

 

"0324 hours, commander."

 

"Don't salarians sleep?"

 

"For only about an hour a day, Shepard."

 

She sighed and pulled herself into a sitting position, wiping the sleep out of her eyes. "Tell him I'll be there in ten minutes." She saw her omni-tool was flashing, notifying her of 24 messages from Mordin. She wiped her eyes again before standing up and making her way to the bathroom.

 

Glancing in the mirror revealed that she looked exhausted, her eyes red with large bags underneath. She had been up until 0100 hours catching up with her mother and father, and although she was grateful to have an opportunity to speak with them she wished now that she had cut the conversation off earlier. As she brushed her teeth her stomach rumbled loudly, and she vowed to visit the mess on her way to the lab.

 

She considered taking a shower to wake herself up, but with Mordin's impatience the news must be of dire importance. Instead, she changed into her Cerberus civvies and made her way down to the mess, closing her eyes and almost falling asleep on the elevator.

 

The mess was blissfully empty due to being in the middle of the night shift, and Shepard walked like a zombie towards the fridge. She was disappointed by the lack of selection, and made a mental note to procure better rations with so many biotics on the ship. She settled for a chicken salad sandwich and a glass of orange juice.

 

The narrowing light from the refrigerator fell in the direction of the main battery as she closed the door, and she raised an eyebrow in curiosity. "EDI, is Officer Vakarian currently in the main battery?"

 

"Yes, Commander."

 

"Is he awake?"

 

"No, Commander."

 

She pondered a moment before deciding that it was best to leave him sleeping and discuss Mordin's discovery in the morning; she had no desire to invoke the wrath of a sleeping turian.

 

She made her way back to the elevator, taking a bite out of her sandwich as she did. Although the bread was stale and the chicken salad soggy, as the elevator slowly climbed to the second floor she found both her energy and her curiosity returning.

 

The lab door slid open, and Shepard saw that Mordin was restlessly pacing across the lab. His left arm was draped across his midsection, propping up his right arm with his hand at his mouth muting his muttering. A scientific genius at work.

 

"Shepard! Glad you're here. Much to discuss. Come to my desk."

 

He walked so quickly Shepard had to jog to keep up with him before he turned on his microscope. He gestured for her to look into the scope.

 

"This is sample of cells in your bloodstream. As you know, there are two types of blood cells found in humans: red and white. Red carries oxygen, white heals and protects." Shepard could feel Mordin buzzing with excitement. "Observe."

 

He took a small needle to poke into the petri dish and stirred it around. Several of the cells in the petri dish appeared broken from the process. Almost immediately after the disturbance, hundreds of cells, smaller than either the white or red blood cells, repaired all of the cells which were damaged before disappearing.

 

"This is a new type of cell. More efficient at repairs than white blood cell. Moves incredibly quickly and reproduces through cellular mitosis at an unusually rapid rate. These new cells have been programmed to repair damaged cells of any other type."

 

She looked away from the microscope to see that Mordin was pacing again. He looked thrilled, but slightly agitated. "I've run hundreds of simulations. Regardless of degree of damage, and regardless of how vital the organ is, the cells _will_ repair. They reproduce so quickly the body is never short of these cells."

 

His pacing ceased. "But there's more."

 

Shepard could tell that this was the reason he woke her at 3 in the morning. "The new type of cells repair damaged cells, cells affected by bacteria or virus, and aging cells."

 

Shepard's brow furrowed. She could see what direction he was heading, but she was waiting for his grand conclusion.

 

"In layman's terms, Shepard, you can't die from injury, disease, or age."

 

Shepard's eyes went wide with disbelief, and she felt her whole body become so light that she collapsed weakly onto the ground. Her heart was pounding in her chest and her lungs were begging for air to keep up with her heart.

 

Her mind began racing. She couldn't begin to fathom the implications of this discovery. She rested her head in her hands as she felt the weight of the knowledge bear down on her.

 

She gazed up at Mordin, her mouth gaping, and the two of them exchanged wide-eyed glances.

 

"What do we do, Mordin?" she said softly after several minutes of contemplation. "The ramifications--"

 

"--are astronomical," he finished. "We need to find out how Cerberus obtained this tech."

 

"I don't even know where to begin to think I'm so shocked."

 

"Take some time. Decide where we go from here. I'm right behind you, Shepard. But more tests need to be run. More simulations. Come see me tomorrow."

 

Shepard stood slowly and made her way to the door, her body changing from feeling incredibly light to incredibly heavy.

  
_What the fuck do I do now?_


	14. Chapter Twelve

Voodoo Chile - Jimi Hendrix

 

_"You are weak. You are helpless."_

 

_Sovereign loomed before her, his voice so loud and deep that her entire body shook. She was stripped of all armour and weapons and stood helpless and alone before him._

 

_"We are the vessel of your destruction. We will destroy everything that you love."_

 

_The enormous Reaper lifted one of its arms and effortlessly flicked it upwards, sending an incredibly destructive beam to Shepard's left. She heard a blood curdling scream and ran towards it, fear and adrenaline pumping through her. She found Kaiden's dead body at the source of the scream. She picked him up in her arms, her entire body shaking with fear, holding him tight to her._

 

_"I'm sorry, Kaiden..." she muttered into his hair.”I'm sorry I couldn't save you..."_

 

_"This is just the beginning," Sovereign interrupted, the volume of its voice causing her to jump and almost drop Kaiden. Sovereign was looming closer, his shadow casting over the form of the commander and her dead crew member. "You tried to stop us. You cannot stop us." She stood, still holding Kaiden's limp form in her arms, and began to run away from the massive form of the Reaper as it glided closer and closer. "We will take away everything you love."_

 

Shepard gasped and sat up quickly from her bed, her sheets soaked in sweat. She threw the sheets carelessly off of her body and swung her legs over the side of her bed, holding her head between her legs with her hands behind her neck as she gasped for air, the fear from the night terror seizing her body.

 

"Kaiden..." she whispered to her knees.”I'm so sorry."

 

Zoey Shepard never cried. Crying was a sign of weakness, and she was the commander of a ship on a vital mission. To her crew she could never show weakness, only strength. Although grief attempted to overtake her, she closed her eyes and took a series of deep breaths to keep her from succumbing to tears.

 

After several minutes of attempting to clear her mind and body of the pain that was caused by the night terror, she grumbled at EDI, "What time is it?"

 

"0742 hours, Commander."

 

She let out an exasperated sigh. This morning had been one of the strangest in recent memory. After waking early for Mordin's news, she had retreated to her quarters for some time to think Mordin's discovery over. Exhaustion had won, however, and she had fallen asleep before being rudely woken by the vision of Sovereign.

 

To her frustration her stomach grumbled again, and she found herself longing for a session with her treadmill. So she threw her sheets into her laundry chute, sent a message to Kelly Chambers requesting fresh sheets, changed into sweat-proof workout civvies, splashed her face with water, brushed her teeth, and headed into the elevator.

 

The fridge in the mess was once again frustratingly empty, so she settled on a frozen nutrient-fortified meal of a 'sausage and egg breakfast sandwich' with 'hashbrowns', although she knew everything in the meal had been prepared in a lab. She made small talk with a few members of the navigational crew as she devoured the meal, washing down the sickening aftertaste with a glass of vegetable juice while bidding goodbye to the crew.

 

When she reached the cargo bay, she was surprised to see Jacob on the treadmill, distracted by a vid playing on the large screen in front of him. "Taylor," she said, nodding to him as she took a seat on the mats.

 

"Commander, surprised to see you down here so early in the day."

 

"No rest for the wicked. I hope you don't mind if I listen to music."

 

"Not at all, Commander, I'm almost finished here."

 

She slipped in her ear buds and browsed through her music collection, settling on Jimi Hendrix before beginning her stretches.

 

Her eyes wandered over to Jacob as she began her sit-ups, her glance immediately jerking away when she saw that he was returning her gaze. She realized that he had been sizing her up. Was he evaluating her strength? Or, even more bizarre, checking her out?

 

She hoped at that moment that he would leave shortly. The last thing she needed was scrutiny from one of her ground crew.

 

After completing her sit-ups she began her push-ups, her breath moving in rhythm with her up-and-down motions. She was beginning to feel her mind slip into her music when she watched Jacob's running slow down, and he... removed his shirt?!

 

Shepard gulped, sending her gaze quickly to a point at the mat directly between her hands. She heard him bid her good night in the distance, but she acted as if she couldn't hear him over the music and she simply continued working.

 

She pondered to herself how strange his actions were as she sat for a moment, sending a message to Miranda to request for her to join her. Shepard had spent her whole life respecting strict rules against fraternization, knowing that it could negatively impact the crew and the mission. She had also grown used to being one of the least attractive women on the ship, so men had often been as interested in her as they were in last week's tuna sandwich. Regardless of whether Jacob had been sizing her up out of mission or romantic interest, rarely had a man looked at her that way before.

 

Frankly, she wasn't sure if she liked it or not.

 

Romance was never her primary goal. Friendship and a supportive crew had proven to be all that she needed, not a clingy boyfriend or girlfriend who would demand her attention and who would never understand her absolute focus on her missions.

 

Often when she was with a group of crew members or friends, relationships or sex lives would come up in conversation. Not wanting to appear to be an outcast, when the question of her love life came up she would mutter about 'one-night stands' and 'men at home'. The truth was, there _was_ no one. Sex had happened on a few unmemorable shore leaves,  but Zoey Shepard never had a relationship.

 

Not that she would admit that to anyone. Relationships, she found, were a point of pride among groups. She was more proud of her kill count, or an impressive mechanical repair. Her personal life had never been a source of pride, and never would be.

 

She had been jogging for about ten minutes, her attention absorbed in her thoughts and her music, when Miranda stepped in front of her.

 

Now that was a woman with pride.

 

"Shepard," she said, smiling softly and cocking her hip. "You wanted company?"

 

Shepard paused her music on her omni-tool and pulled out her earbuds. "I'd love some. I was hoping that we'd have a chance to speak in private, actually."

 

Miranda took a seat at the stationary bike next to Shepard. "Of course, Shepard. What do you need?"

 

"I'll cut to the point, Miranda. Neither you or I are the type to beat around the bush."

 

"I can appreciate that." Miranda set a program into the bike and began pedaling.

 

"Is the bike the secret to your glutes?"

 

Miranda threw back her head and laughed. "The bike helps, and plenty of squats. But I'm sure we aren't here to discuss my workout routine."

 

"No, we're not," Shepard conceded with a sigh. "It's about our discussion with the Illusive Man a couple of days ago. I wanted to check with you that you're absolutely certain that you had no idea what was going on with this regeneration matter."

 

"As I'm sure you can understand, Commander, the Illusive Man is very influential. So when he told me that there was a portion of the project that he wished to oversee personally, I didn't argue. When he insisted that I didn't get involved or ask questions, once again I didn't argue. I respect him and I know that he was just doing what he believed to be best."

 

"So he told you there was a portion of the project he wished to personally oversee, but you had no idea what it was or how it affected my development?"

 

"Exactly. I had an idea it was something programmed into your implants, but when it's the Illusive Man, you don't ask questions."

 

The two women remained in a comfortable silence, and the only sounds in the cargo bay were Shepard's heavy footfalls and Miranda's laboured breathing.

 

"Miranda, there's something you need to know. I'm telling you this out of respect, but I'm also trusting you with some information of an extremely sensitive nature."

 

"You can trust me, Shepard."

 

"I'll have no hesitations about sending you back to the Illusive Man in pieces if word of this gets out without my consent."

 

"Operative Lawson," EDI interrupted, "Shepard has expressed the same threat to me on several occasions. I would recommend cooperating."

 

Miranda and Shepard laughed, the somber situation momentarily forgotten. "In all seriousness, Miranda, this is very important to me and I'll be personally offended if word of it gets out."

 

"If it's important to you, it's important to me."

 

"Good. After we picked up Mordin, I had him run a few tests on me. Whatever the Illusive Man did, it's created a new type of cell that can repair any cell that is damaged, infected, or aging."

 

Miranda's eyes went wide as the implications hit her. Shepard heard her let out an uncharacteristic curse.

 

"I'm glad you understand the gravity of the situation."

 

Miranda covered her mouth with her hand, shock expressed in her eyes. "God, Shepard, this is... this is huge. How did he hide it from me? And why?"

 

"I don't know, Miranda, but I'm going to speak to him tomorrow. I just wanted to speak to you first, see if you can give me more information before I confront him."

 

"I wish I could do more, Commander, but I've already told you everything I know."

 

Once again the room lapsed into a comfortable silence, both of them lost in their own thoughts. Shepard had a great urge to listen to music again, but she didn't want to be rude to her XO.

 

"I'm going to leave you to think this one over, Shepard. But any time you need someone to talk to about this, you know where to find me. I assure you this will remain strictly confidential between you and me."

 

"...And Mordin."

 

Miranda stood and cocked her hip at Shepard, a sly smile on her face. "Well now I don't feel special anymore." She laughed lightly, giving the Commander a breezy wave as she walked towards the elevator. "Don't work yourself too hard, you'll need your energy when we pick up that krogan."

 

"You haven't dealt with as many krogans as I have, Miranda. I'm well aware of the energy required to deal with them."

 

\--

 

Shepard stood in the comm room, her arms crossed over her chest. Anticipation filled her at the thought of having her questions finally answered.

 

The Illusive Man accepted her comm wave and she stepped into the holographic imager. Now instead of facing the Normandy's communications room, she was in the Illusive Man's unfamiliar territory. His dark form was silhouetted against a blazing planet, the only distinguishable feature being a white trail of smoke emitting from the cigarette in his hand. There was a flash as he closed the computer in front of him and he turned to face Shepard, his expression masked in shadow.

 

"To what do I owe you the pleasure, Commander?"

 

"You owe me an explanation."

 

He laughed harshly. "I owe you nothing. But go on."

 

"Mordin performed tests on me." At this, the Illusive Man let out a soft 'ahh'. "He has informed me that there is a new type of blood cell in my body. A type of cell that can repair any damaged cell." She cocked her head to the side, exasperation clear in her tone. "Care to explain?"

 

He turned away from her, facing the planet again. "So you've discovered Pluvia. Mordin is a smart man."

 

"Can't argue with that."

 

"I didn't think he'd figure everything out so quickly."

 

"You're avoiding my question."

 

He stood and began slowly pacing around the room, taking a sip of his amber liquid. He stepped out of the shadows, analyzing her with his eerily blue cybernetic eyes. "Do you really think we would have spent billions to bring you back to life without ensuring that we kept you that way?"

 

"But this cell... It can be a gift! We can re-engineer it for all the alien races, this can be the end of the Collector threat and the Reaper threat, it--"

 

He held his hand up to silence her. "This is only for you, Shepard."

 

She took an affronted step back, her eyes growing wide with shock. "Excuse me?"

 

"You're the only one who won't be dying."

 

Shock was replaced with disgust. "Why?"

 

He faced the planet and held his arms wide. "Do you really think any of these people are important? Do you think anyone other than you and I will be humanity's salvation? You're the only one who matters, Shepard, the populus are lemmings following your lead. The only thing we need to save humanity is you, alive. We brought you back knowing that humanity needs you. We're keeping you alive knowing that you're the only one who can save them."

 

"But if we have this technology, why can't we mass produce it? You won't need me if people can stay alive of their own accord."

 

He turned to face her, his eyes blazing fiercely. "You think these pathetic lemmings can stand for themselves? Of course they can't. Can you even fathom what the world would turn into if every being -- every single one -- would be incapable of dying? It would be utter chaos!"

 

The two of them stared each other down. "Besides," the Illusive Man continued. "This technology is part of your implants. Implants which required billions of credits and for you to be dead. It would be impossible to mass produce this technology, unless you suggest killing every human one-by-one and bringing them back from the dead just like we did with you.

 

"So for one second, Shepard, instead of complaining that Cerberus didn't do enough for the galaxy, be grateful that we did more than enough for you."

 

She leaned forward so she could be as close to him as possible. "Then why the secrecy? Why hide it from Miranda?"

 

"You really think I trust her with something this important? You're so naive, Shepard. The only person you can trust is yourself."

 

"My mother once told me that I should not be quick to judge if someone deserves life or death. What gives you the right to change the course of the rest of my life?"

 

He walked up to her hologram, his face almost rabid with anger. "This isn't about you, this is about humanity!"

 

Shepard saw that his breathing was heavy from exertion and he walked over to his chair, resuming his normal position. "I thought you'd be here to thank me, Commander. If you aren't going to do that, get out of my sight."

 

"I'll gladly oblige to that."

 

Fuming, she stepped out of the holographic imager.

 

This mission just got a lot more interesting.


	15. Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm in the process of making some major edits on my next two chapters, so although I will do my best to get them up on time I apologize if they are not. In the meantime, here's an intermission!

"EDI, I'm unavailable for the rest of the night. Unless it's someone from Priority level Alpha, tell them that I'm busy wrestling a krogan."

 

"Commander, I've scheduled krogan wrestling in from 2100 to 2300 hours. You will not be interrupted unless it is Admiral Hackett, Captain Anderson, a Council member, your parents, or Officer Vakarian."

 

"Thank you, EDI. Lock my cabin door and dim the lights."

 

Shepard leaned back into her pillows, grateful that she had a few free hours in the evening to herself. Garrus, Miranda and she had just returned from recruiting Grunt and they were on their way to the Citadel for her dreaded meeting with the Council. She was certain the words of Tavos, Valern, and Sparatus would do nothing but frustrate her as they had with Saren.

 

Pulling a tray with sweet tea and high-calorie biscuits towards her midriff, Shepard licked her lips hungrily. The tea was overly processed and the biscuits possessed a similar taste and consistency to cardboard, but she was content to simply have a snack in bed. Desperate for something mindless, she smiled faintly as she pulled up Blasto 3 on her omni-tool.

 

Halfway through the movie, her eyelids were becoming heavy and the vid was beginning to blur. She put aside her tray and closed her eyes, deciding to mercifully give in to a restful night's sleep.

 

"Shepard, I have a request for communication."

 

Refusing to open her eyes, she let out a loud grumble. "Remember that Priority Level Alpha thing we discussed less than half an hour ago?"

 

"You may wish to make an exception. The request is from a Malcolm Shepard."

 

Zoey's eyes shot open, surprise flooding through her body. She jumped out of bed and nearly ran to her terminal.

 

_Malcolm. I can't believe it._

 

She threw her hair quickly into a bun. "EDI, patch him through."

 

Her younger brother's face popped up on the screen in front of her and she had to withhold a gasp. He was in full Alliance regalia, his hands behind his back and his head held high.

 

He saluted her, and she returned the gesture, a proud smile on her face.

 

"Commander Shepard," he said.

 

"Private Shepard."

 

"Officer, actually. I got the news earlier today. I thought you might want to know."

 

She laughed faintly. "At ease. Although, I have to admit I never thought I'd say that to my terror of a little brother. I had no idea you had even joined the Alliance!"

 

"I asked mom not to tell you so I could give you the news myself. You... inspired me to join, Zoey. After everything that happened with Saren and then your death, I wanted to follow in your footsteps. I'm planning on applying for the N1 program next year."

 

"I couldn't be more proud of you, Mal. Blue's your colour."

 

"I have to admit, Zo, red's not yours."

 

Her hand wandered to her chest where the Cerberus emblem was emblazoned on her uniform. "It's been strange being back, Mal. A lot has changed. There are things... Things I want to tell you in person. They tell me these channels are secure, but I know that they're keeping watch of my every movement. What system are you in?"

 

"I'm aboard the SSV Vimy Ridge en route to the Horsehead Nebula to investigate reports of illegal Cerberus activity." He cocked an eyebrow at her. "You wouldn't happen to know anything about that, would you?"

 

"I should have known you'd be using me for my insider info, Mal." She laughed gently. "But that's not us, we're on our way to the Citadel. No chance you're docking there in the next couple days, is there?"

 

"Not for a while, sis."

 

"Well I'd really love to see you. Our course is pretty uncertain right now, but just send me a quick wave any time you're on shore leave and I’ll see if we’ll be in the same system.”

 

"You still have all your old crew with you? I saw them at your funeral, and I have to say, that quarian had quite the body--"

 

Shepard held her hands up in disgust. "You are not hitting on my crew! Keep in touch, Mal. Shepard out."

  
She returned to bed and fell asleep almost immediately, a contented smile on her face.


	16. Chapter Thirteen

Great Gig in the Sky - Pink Floyd

 

Guilt was consuming her.

 

Why did the galaxy determine that she would defy nature, that she would be unable to die while so many were unable to live? That while the galaxy was wrought with disease and murder, she was to sit above it? She felt an unbidden sense of foreboding.

 

She appreciated what the Illusive Man was trying to do. Truly, she did. If he believed that she was what was needed to stop the Reaper invasion, she agreed with his decision. She should be absolutely ecstatic after all; she no longer had to fear life's greatest unknown, death. But she could not comprehend why she had to be the one who no longer feared it, while the entirety of the galaxy still did.

 

What would happen to her now? Would she live forever, watching all those that she loved died? Would guilt force her to serve humanity for the rest of her days? If she married, she'd watch her husband die. If she had children, she'd watch them die.

 

It felt wrong. The desire for normalcy consumed her. The desire to take down the Reapers, quit her life as a soldier, meet the man of her dreams, marry him, bear his children, and grow old together. She was being denied any chance for that.

 

Life never works in the order that we plan it. Perhaps, she thought to herself, she could have the implants removed when she was ready. It wasn't the most dignified way to go, but it was an option.

 

What she suddenly couldn't comprehend was why her thoughts were resting on life after the military. Her life until now had been entirely career focused, why was she suddenly thinking of family? This... this 'Pluvia', as the Illusive Man had called it, was an ideal career move. But she was suddenly so hung up on the idea of a family -- the idea of a husband.

 

Why?

 

She rubbed her eyes hard in frustration. Clearly, the lack of sleep and the burden of the news was affecting her.

 

Or was someone affecting her?

 

\--

 

Shepard was exhausted from her long day but sleep was still eluding her. Her mind would not rest, spinning in constant circles with no release. When she realized that it had been several hours since she had first laid in bed, she gave up on sleep and decided to have something to eat.

 

The fridge was barren when she reached the mess; Grunt must have discovered it. She pushed aside an undesirable-looking plate of noodles to find a paper bag filled with cha siu bau, causing her mouth to water in excitement. Although she was sure something so delicious had to belong to another crew member... She was the Commander, dammit! She deserved a good meal on occasion.

 

Her appetite was through the roof since she had been revived. In the beginning, she assumed it was from the implants, but now she was beginning to wonder if Pluvia played a factor.

 

Once again, when she closed the fridge a narrow beam of light fell on the main battery. Her steps quiet, she approached the door, feeling relieved when she heard consistent gentle clicking indicating that Garrus was awake and working at his console.

 

She took in a deep breath before knocking on the door of the main battery. Garrus opened it for her right away, dressed in his civvies with his visor on. She swore that he slept in that damn thing.

 

"Good evening, Commander." Was it possible that he was even more suave when he was tired? "To what do I owe the pleasure of this visit in the small hours of the night?" He flashed a groggy, sideways smile at her that sent her heart fluttering in ways she hadn't expected.

 

"Garrus, I'm sorry for bothering you at such an unusual hour, but I wouldn't do it if it wasn't something important."

 

"You're welcome at any time, Commander," he said, gesturing her inside. "Just expect me in my civvies if it's between 2300 and 0500 hours."

 

"I like you in your civvies," she said, leaning against the railing beside his console. "Reminds me that you're more than a hardened soldier."

 

"Technically, I'm not a soldier since I'm not enlisted. I'm more of a hardened vigilante."

 

"You're part of my army against the Collectors."

 

"Someone's modest, having a personal army." He pointed to the food in her hand that she was about to take a bite out of. "What do you have there?"

 

"Cha siu bau."

 

He tapped his ear. "Sorry, translator must have glitched. What was that?"

 

"No glitch, my Cantonese is just so terrible it's indistinguishable. It's barbeque pork in a sweet bun."

 

"Sounds... interesting." He took a seat on his small cot, leaning against the wall. "But I'm going to go ahead and assume you didn't come to visit me at 0030 hours to discuss food and clothes."

 

She looked down at her food, her expression morose. "No, I didn't. I have something I've been hoping to discuss with you, actually. Mordin ran some tests."

 

"How bad is it?" Garrus asked gently. He patted the cot next to him, and she gratefully accepted his invitation to sit next to him. "Did they detect traces of turian DNA? Are you actually a VI with a bomb inside of you sent to destroy us all?"

 

She laughed harshly. "It's not bad, per se. It's just a lot to take in, and I'm having a hard time wrapping my head around it." She took another bite of her cha siu bau, chewing slowly.

 

"Well you're doing a great job with the cliffhangers."

 

"I'm still coming to terms with everything so be patient." She explained Mordin's testing process to Garrus, laughter spurting from him at her description of the salarian shooting her. "EDI woke me at 0300 in the morning, saying that Mordin needed to urgently see me. So in his lab he brought me to his microscope, showing me a random sample of my cells. He damaged a few of the cells, and what he's classified as a new type of cell appeared and repaired the damaged cells.

 

"He further explained to me that this new type of cell will repair any other cell which is damaged, infected, or aging, regardless of the extent of the damage. In other words, I can't die."

 

The two sat in silence, both contemplating what she had said. After several minutes, Garrus broke the silence. "That's a doozy."

 

"You're telling me." She began to play with a loose thread on his thin bed sheets. "It gets more interesting. I spoke to The Illusive Man, and in short, he told me that the technology is part of the implants Cerberus put in me to bring me back. Which means that it can't be duplicated."

 

"But that could have stopped the Collectors, and the Reapers!"

 

"It could have been the end of disease, of suffering, of death! But now that I know it's limited to me, I feel nothing but guilt."

 

"Shepard, you can't feel guilty for something that's out of your control. Besides, think of how this would have upset the natural balance of the galaxy. We would become ludicrously overpopulated; our criminal justice system would be overthrown..." He trailed off, but she could hear the longing in his subvocals. His thoughts were of his mother: what he would give for a cure for her incurable condition.

 

They lapsed into silence, lost in their individual thoughts. Desperate to take her mind off of Pluvia, Shepard changed the subject. "Do you remember that brother I told you about a long time ago?"

 

Garrus shook his head briefly to regain composure. "Malcolm, right?"

 

"Did I tell you much about him?"

 

"Not really, no."

 

She leaned back against the wall and crossed her arms. "Well, do you have any siblings?"

 

"Yes, a younger sister."

 

"And did she ever cause trouble?"

 

Inwardly grateful of the change in subject, he emitted a mock exasperated sigh. "No, she was a saint. She made me look bad, most of the time."

 

She chuckled. "You were a trouble child?"

 

"At times. Weren't we all? But, back to your brother."

 

"Yes, my brother. My brother and I, we were the opposite of your sister and you. I was always the 'golden child'. I did extraordinarily well in my lessons, I showed a lot of promise in my shooting and biotics early in life, and most importantly, I followed the rules.

 

"For reasons I'm unsure of, potentially jealousy due to a lack of attention from my parents, my brother rebelled. It started with small things -- hiding in the vents to avoid lessons, running away when we went on planet, stealing food to sneak it onto the ship -- harmless things. But as he grew older, and as I left to go to basic, things worsened. He started smuggling illegal materials on and off ships. When he was sixteen, he was caught with red sand. And not by my parents, but by the authorities.

 

"My parents were devastated, of course. I was in the middle of my N6 training, but I took leave to be there for his trial. He was very lucky that my father had such influential tendencies, since he ended up with only a fine and a slap on the wrist. My parents kept him under a strict watch after that, and when he was eighteen, they sent him to boot camp. I haven't seen him since, since I started chasing Saren shortly afterwards.

 

"Well, last night he sent me a comm wave. He's joined the Alliance, and has been promoted to Officer. He said..." Her eyes, lit up with pride, met Garrus's. "He said I inspired him. Watching him take a downward spiral and then come to this point... I can't even describe how good that feels."

 

"I can understand. My sister was promoted through her ranks so quickly; I went to every one of her ceremonies. Each time, my parents looked happier and happier."

 

"Look at us, proud older siblings," she muttered. Another thing to add to her list of what Garrus and she had in common.

 

Once again they lapsed into comfortable silence, and Garrus yawned faintly. "Thank you, Garrus, I feel better now. I'll let you get your rest."

 

"Hey, I'm just glad you want me here for my mind and not just my body."

 

She punched his arm gently, a scowl on her face. "You know you're much more than any old soldier to me!"

 

His mandibles fluttered into a smile and he leaned closer to her, his subharmonics purring. "What am I to you, then?"

 

Shepard leaned back, her eyes wide from being caught off guard. He laughed at her response, and a wide smile broke out on her face. "You're my best soldier, and my best friend."

 

He smiled back. "I'll accept that." He stood up and opened the door for her in a gentlemanly gesture.

 

"Sleep well, Garrus." She pulled him in for a quick hug before leaving.

 

As the door closed behind her, Garrus flopped onto the bed, covering his face with his hands.

 

  
That night, he was the one who was unable to sleep.


	17. Chapter Fourteen

While my Guitar Gently Weeps - Peter Frampton

 

"Shepard. Need me for something?"

 

"Do you have a minute?"

 

"Of course, just finishing up some calibrations. What can I do for you?"

 

When Garrus turned to face Shepard, she marveled at his height. She was tall herself -- just shy of six feet -- but she estimated the turian to be over seven feet and as a result he towered over her. She could understand how someone who didn't know his kind heart could find him intimidating between his height and scarred visage. "We're landing on the Citadel in a few hours and I'd like you there with me."

 

He expressed skepticism. "Didn't think you'd need me to intimidate the Council, you seem to do pretty well yourself."

 

"I'm hoping if they see the loyalty of my old team members they'll empathize with my cause. Your rugged and manly presence won't hurt, either."

 

"Damn, Shepard, you sure know how to make a turian blush. I'd be honoured to be by your side, as always."

 

"Good, we're expected to dock at around 1300 hours. We'll be meeting with Anderson at 1330 hours, and we're presenting to the council at 1430. Mordin will be traveling with us; I'm hoping they'll give us the chance to present his evidence."

 

"I'll make sure to choose my toughest-looking armour for the occasion."

 

"Wish me luck, Garrus. You know how damn stubborn the Council can be."

 

\--

 

Jacob began jogging on the treadmill, a news vid playing before him. He wasn't surprised to find that neither Freedom's Progress nor any of the other missing colonists were being acknowledged.

 

All things considered, he was happy with his time served on the Normandy thus far. Shepard was fair with the crew, always making sure everyone had ground time and anything else they may need. He wasn't happy that the Illusive Man distrusted her so greatly that there were cameras and surveillance covering every inch of the ship, but he had to accept it. She was his commander, but the Illusive Man was his boss.

 

At that moment the commander herself walked into the cargo bay, dressed in sweat proof civvies.

 

"Taylor." She nodded at him. "Glad I found you here. Mind if I use the stationary bike?"

 

"Not at all!" he said with a grin. He couldn't deny that Shepard's body was like a work of art, and he had great amounts of respect for how hard she exercised. "How are things?"

 

"Strange, honestly. I'm going to cut to the chase, Taylor, because I know you're a straightforward person. You remember the strange regeneration I experienced at Freedom's Progress?"

 

"How could I forget?"

 

"Well, I finally got some answers from your lovely boss. My implants are creating cells that repair any other cells which are damaged, infected, or aging. In lay man’s terms, I can't die." She paused. "Strangely enough, it doesn't feel any more real each time I say it."

 

Taylor couldn't help but laugh. Of course the immortal Shepard was actually immortal, and of course Cerberus would be the ones to do it. It would all be too real otherwise. His thoughts turned to Miranda's anticipated frustration at The Illusive Man for keeping such a large portion of her own project from her, and his laughter continued. He also immediately found the twisted humour in the fact that they had chosen to use the technology in the implants so that they couldn't be replicated, and began laughing even harder. As soon as he started to laugh he couldn't stop, and laughter overtook him so much that he had to stop running so he could bend over and hold onto his sides.

 

"You know, Jacob, you have to be the first one reacting this way."

 

Gasping for breath, he spit out as much as he could. "It's just... it's you... and... Cerberus... and... implants..." Shepard began to crack up too, and before they could help it the two of them were feeding off of each other, the laughter continuous.

 

"You're right, Jacob," Shepard said as she wiped tears from her eyes. "This is absolutely ridiculous. Thank you for helping me see that side of this."

 

"Any time, Shepard. I'm always here if you need someone to talk to." He pulled off his shirt and wiped his face down with it to rid himself of the sweat and tears of laughter. "See you around."

 

Fending off residual giggles, Shepard started pedaling again. In spite of everything, she couldn't help but feel blissfully lighthearted.

 

\--

 

"Damn, Shepard. This is a hell of a lot to take in."

 

Garrus and Mordin stood near the door of Anderson's office, observing Shepard explaining her resurrection, the Collectors, and the news of her being indestructible to the Captain who had become one of the most important figures in her lifetime.

 

Wanting to be as respectful as possible, Garrus hung back, trying and failing not to listen in on their conversation. Before him were two highly compelling people, and if they couldn't convince the Council of the Collector presence, no one could.

 

The Citadel had changed a great deal since his last sojourn here. The corruption ran deep. Those who profited were exploiting the weak, preying on the fear that had developed from Saren's attack. C-Sec was flourishing, closing off many areas of the Citadel so that even Shepard's access was limited. He remained quiet about how ruffled the experience left him; he wanted to show Shepard that the C-Sec days were long behind him, although he had the underlying desire to make a difference at the place that was falling from greatness.

 

"Do I tell the Council about the extent of Cerberus's work?"

 

"I think so. They need to know what they're capable of, and they need to be able to trust you."

 

Shepard leaned away from the railing and checked her omni-tool for the time. "My meeting is in fifteen. I'd rather be early than late. Will you be joining me to watch?"

 

"Wouldn't miss it, Shepard."

 

\--

 

"Commander Shepard, do you really think that we're going to believe that you were truly dead for two years, and then Cerberus, a rogue human organization, brought you back from the dead to fight an enemy whom we have no solid scientific evidence of their existence? To add to the madness, you're telling us that Cerberus has developed a completely regenerative cell, with which we have no basis on where the technology came from? Do you see how preposterous this sounds?"

 

Shepard curled her lip at Valern's snide remarks. "I've shown you video evidence of the Collectors, and I can present Mordin's scientific evidence to you --"

 

"--All of which could be easily fabricated!" Tavos sighed.

 

Sparatus had been quiet for the majority of the presentation, and when he quietly spoke up doubt riddled his words. "We're all happy to see our galactic hero back in action, Shepard, but we won't provide assistance with the Collectors until we see more concrete evidence from an organization that has a better reputation than Cerberus. I vote to have your Spectre status reinstated for the good of the galaxy, however, none of your claims today will be supported."

 

Garrus heard Shepard curse under her breath as Tavos, Valern, and Udina supported the motion. The meeting had not gone as planned.

 

Shepard turned from the Council and briskly walked out of the chambers, her expression one of deep frustration. "Let's go to Dark Star and get a couple fucking drinks in us. I'm done with politicians."

 

Mordin and Garrus exchanged glances of surprise before Garrus shrugged and they followed their Commander, not wanting to incur her wrath.

 

Crowds parted as Shepard walked through them with a sense of purpose so strong it induced fear in by passers. She was walking so quickly Mordin's short stride fell behind and he had to jog to keep up.

 

As soon as they reached the club Shepard sat brusquely at the bar, tapping twice to attract the attention of the bartender and taking a swig of a blue liquid he placed in front of her. Mordin and Garrus sat on either side of her and ordered drinks of their own; Garrus, a large amber drink, and Mordin, a small flute filled with a purple liquid. The turian and salarian remained quiet as Shepard fumed.

 

"I'm so sick of politicians! They didn't listen to me with Saren, and what happened? The Citadel was attacked and I had to risk the lives of many loyal Alliance personnel to save their sorry asses. What do I get as repayment? Sent on a sorry excuse for a shakedown mission to search for geth so they could use it as a cover story to avoid the real threat, the Reapers. All they care about is staying in their Council positions, and they know that if they reveal the Reaper threat we'll need a stronger, more unified rule. I thought that recommending Udina would be a step in the right direction, but clearly I was mistaken." She tapped on the bar again for another drink. "He's worse than the other three! All he's concerned about is doing what they say to secure his position. We need a galactic senate. Not a galaxy run by three blind mice. I say three, because Udina is just a yes man who agrees to whatever the hell the other three want."

 

Her brow furrowing and her eyes changing from frustration to sorrow, she ordered another drink.

 

"The people need to know the truth. The Council believes that they're keeping them safe by lying to them, but the truth will prepare them for what is coming and save them all."

 

Garrus knew he wouldn't want to be in her shoes at that moment. Here was a woman who had accomplished incredible feats, and yet was learning the true definition of being held back by red tape. She could have accomplished so much more -- fuck, she could have saved the galaxy by now -- if her superiors would have just listened to her.

 

Her omni-tool beeped, indicating a message. No rest for those like Shepard. Sipping at his drink, he watched as she read the message, her expression changing again from one of sorrow to one of confusion with a small bit of hope. His visor read a brief spike in her heart rate before it returned to normal.

 

She input a few commands into her omni-tool before she said, "48 hour shore leave for the whole crew.

 

"Garrus, meet me in the main battery tomorrow at 1800 hours. Wear the finest non-armour that you own." And with that, she quickly paid the tab, stood up, and left the club.


	18. Chapter Fifteen

Elephant - Tame Impala

 

_Incoming message - Marked Highly Confidential_

 

_Commander Shepard,_

 

_For both of our sakes', I'm requesting that this sensitive information is kept on a need-to-know basis._

 

_I'm highly interested in what you had to say at your presentation today, although as I'm sure you can understand I do not wish to aggravate the rest of the Council which is why I'm contacting you directly._

 

_There will be a very exclusive, turian-and-guests only party at my loft on the Presidium tomorrow evening. I'm formally inviting Garrus Vakarian, due to his family's rank in the hierarchy, as well as yourself as his guest. This is a black tie affair; as a soldier, your wardrobe may be lacking in such attire, so I'm sending 5,000 credits to your account to purchase something suitable for yourself and Garrus, if necessary._

 

_When you arrive at the party, my servant Mr. Buxton will give you further directives._

 

_I've attached coordinates for my loft. I'll see you at 1830 hours. Food and drink will be provided._

 

_Councilor Sparatus_

 

Shepard withheld a laugh as she read the message. _Typical politician. He believed what I had to say, but was so concerned about what everyone else would think that he had to investigate it in secret. Well, at least someone is willing to listen to me. And I get a dress out of it._

 

Shepard was far from a feminine woman. Her personal funds had often been spent on tools, weapons, and armour, not on fancy clothing and makeup. But a thrill went through her at the thought of transforming herself for a date with Garrus.

 

She stopped walking so abruptly that a volus almost walked into her, murmuring his discontent as he passed. Did she just think of this as a date with Garrus? And did she just think to herself that she was looking forward to it?

 

That was strange.

 

That was very strange.

 

She resumed walking, and made her way back to the ship so she could change into her civvies and grab a female to assist with her shopping. But she felt bothered at the thoughts which had intruded into her mind. On her list of priorities, romance had consistently been at the bottom. Yet here she was, excited to dress up and go to a fancy turian party with Garrus.

 

Why Garrus, of all people? It was undeniable that he was who she considered to be her best friend, and she explicitly trusted him. But he was a _turian_ , and a high ranking one according to Sparatus. She had no place among his affections, and no time to even ponder it with such an important mission as her priority.

 

Didn't mean she couldn't find him cute. It was just something she would have to keep to herself. Something she could investigate more after the days of the Reapers and the Collectors.

 

Reaching the ship, she entered the elevator and went upstairs, sending a quick message to Miranda requesting that they meet at the docks in fifteen. She had settled on Miranda as a good shopping companion, knowing that a day with no one but Kelly Chambers would drive her mad. She yearned for the companionship of her old friends Tali and Liara, but had accepted that their lives had to take separate directions.

 

Shepard changed quickly, released her hair from its normally restricting bun, and headed to the docks to wait for Miranda. She was early, so she took the moment to shoot a message to Garrus.

 

_G,_

_Forgot to ask if you even have anything formal. If you don't, let me know, I'll send some funds your way._

 

_Zoey_

 

Moments later, her omni-tool pinged in response.

 

_Shepard,_

_I think I have something hidden in the back of my closet. Wouldn't want to show up better dressed than you, anyways. What is it exactly we're going to?_

_G._

_P.S. Is this the official start of me calling you Zoey?_

 

Although it was just a message, she felt a butterfly stir at the pit of her stomach at the thought of him calling her Zoey. For years, the only people who referenced her by her first name were her direct family members, and even her father had taken to calling her commander.

 

_G,_

_Only in private. I need to maintain a semblance of respect to the crew._

_I'll let you in on what we're up to tomorrow. Top secret business. Think James Bond._

_Z._

 

His second response came quickly again.

 

_Zoey,_

_You think the crew respects you after seeing those dance moves two years ago?_

_By the way, who's James Bond and is he as dashingly handsome as I?_

_G._

 

_G,_

_You have a new project before tomorrow: research James Bond on the extranet, and watch The Spy Who Loved Me and Goldfinger._

_I'm off to shop with Miranda. Wish me luck._

_Z._

 

_Z,_

_You give us shore leave and then tell me to stay inside and watch vids?_

_Good luck, Zoey._

_Bond._

 

She was laughing at her omni-tool when Miranda arrived.

 

"Shepard, what can I do for you?"

 

"I have a fun assignment for you."

 

Miranda cocked her hip and rested her partially gloved hand on it. "Assignment? I thought we were on shore leave?"

 

Shepard raised an eyebrow in response. "Well, if you don't want to go shopping..."

 

"Shopping?" she asked, clearly surprised. "I didn't take you as the shopping type."

 

"I'm not, which is why I need your help."

 

"What do we need?"

 

"Black tie. And maybe..." she paused. Was she ready to open this bag of worms? "Maybe something a little slinky. I have a lot of people to impress."

 

Miranda linked her arm with Zoey's. "You've made the right choice for a shopping companion, then. Let's go!"

 

To her surprise, Miranda _was_ a great companion. The trip proved to be a moment of bonding between the two, as they avoided the topic of the Collectors and instead discussed their families, growing up, and their careers.

 

"I have to admit, Miranda, I thought you'd be more curious about why we're doing this trip." Shepard knew Miranda was the sort of woman who didn't like secrets being kept from her.

 

Miranda let out a sad sigh, rolling a silky dress over her fingers and admiring the feel of the fabric. "You're my Commander, first and foremost, Shepard. But I like the idea of having someone who can just be my friend sometimes. I often incite jealousy among other women, it makes friendships difficult."

 

Shepard snorted. "You know Miranda, I have every reason to hate you but I still like you. Besides, I spent years growing up on ships, having a few people I considered to be my friend for a few months, but then we'd bounce to the next ship. Commanding a ship has been an amazing opportunity and one of the main reasons why is because of the lifelong friendships I've been able to develop. I hope ours will turn out to be one of them."

 

"That makes two of us, Shepard."

 

\--

 

Garrus was pacing the main battery.

 

He was wearing, for the first time in a decade, his family formal attire. It was over-the-top: a tight-fitting top, blue with a white stripe down the middle with a high, dark blue neck and pants which buckled along the side, paired with black boots and what his sister called a cape. Shepard was expected to meet him any minute now, and he hadn't the faintest idea what the two of them were going to be doing. All he knew was that it required fancy attire, and food and drink would be provided. Which he was eternally grateful for, since nutrient bars and paste had become very boring very quickly.

 

He jumped when the door to the main battery opened, and his heart leaped into his throat when he saw Shepard standing before him.

 

Was it Shepard? Zoey Shepard? She looked like an entirely different -- but magnificent -- person. Although he had found her most compelling when she was covered in engine grease or sweat after a long battle, she had undergone a complete transformation. And she was stunning.

 

"Spirits, Zoey," he muttered.

 

Her hair had been pulled into a knot at the back of her head, but several pieces had fallen out and framed her face in wavy strands. She had painted her face in the human fashion, with deep colours on her eyelids and longer eyelashes to accentuate her eyes. She had dashes of pink on her cheeks and her lips were a deep red. On her chest rested a blue-jeweled pendant, drawing his eyes to the sweetheart neckline of her strapless black dress, which gripped her curves and trailed almost to the floor with a slit halfway up her left thigh. She was wearing red heels to match her lips. He shook his head and felt extremely foolish when he realized that his mouth had been open while he took in her stunning form.

 

She rested her left foot on his cot and pulled the fabric aside to reveal a hidden holster high up on her thigh, packed with her trusty pistol. His heart rate increased when he took in her milky skin, and he fought hard to resist the urge to reach out and touch it, to feel how soft it was.

 

"Mr. Bond," she said quietly, interrupting his blissful reverie. "The name's Agent XXX. Are you ready to be briefed on this evening's mission?"

 

_Be suave, Vakarian. Be suave._

 

He raised a brow plate at her. "Pleasure to meet you, XXX. What's the mission?"

 

She continued in a velvety voice. "Councilor Sparatus has invited you to a very private party in his loft. I am to be your guest. Details will be given to me upon arrival, but it sounds like Sparatus was interested in what I had to say yesterday and wants more details."

 

He held his elbow out for her to grab. "Shall we, then?"

 

She grabbed it and smiled up at him. His arm burned where she held it. With her heels, she was nearing his height, her eyes just below the level of his own as they met.

 

The two of them must have been a sight walking through the ship dressed to the nines. But his eyes were only on one person -- Zoey Shepard.

 

He knew the moment he met her that she was special. She was compelling in an absolute way, and he knew that he would follow her to the ends of the earth if she asked him to. By the time that he had followed her through several missions and observed the grace which she crossed the battlefield and the compassion which she showed her enemies, he was fascinated. When he watched her fix machinery with a second nature, listen to each of her crew members, and single-handedly talk Saren into suicide, he was enamored.

 

Over the years after Shepard's death, Garrus had spent much of his time contemplating his feelings for her. To pacify himself, he had equated them to pure admiration for the Commander and her abilities. But after the relief he felt upon seeing her again, and considering the way she made him feel now that she was back, he knew there was more to his feelings. And the best part was that he would never have to lose her again.

 

But how would he have any idea if she felt the same? She had never expressed any romanticism to him, although she had made it clear that she trusted him. With their incompatible biologies, human-turian relationships were highly unusual. He also knew that humans often found turian traits to be unattractive and vice versa. But when Garrus looked for a partner, it wasn't about looks. It was about spirit, and Shepard had more spirit than anyone he had met before.

 

They left the ship and walked through the Citadel, remaining arm-in-arm for the duration of their walk. The night cycle was approaching, and the Citadel was bathed in red and orange. They blended in, for many well-dressed people were on their way to parties and dinners of their own. Garrus found he was so nervous he had difficulty sparking conversation, but Shepard appeared comfortable in the silence.

 

"Are you ready, Mr. Bond?"

 

Garrus hadn't realized they had already arrived at the loft. She knocked and a turian servant answered, a tray laden with clear liquids in his other hand. Garrus didn't fail to acknowledge that he was barefaced as he bowed curtly to them and showed them into the loft.

 

It was absolutely stunning, though nothing less could be expected of a Councilor. It was wide and spacious, but functional and very angular in the turian architectural fashion. Grey was a standard colour in various shades throughout the area, and most of the portraits were of landscapes. To their left was a small dining area, with a lavish pine table with matching chairs, and to their right was the kitchen, the marble countertops sparkling. Before them a glass spiral staircase lead to the next level.

 

"Remind me when the Reaper war is over to become the turian Councilor," Garrus whispered into Shepard's ear.

 

"Commander Shepard," Mr. Buxton drawled. "Councilor Sparatus has requested your presence in the dining area. You will find levo food and drink there."

 

"Garrus, do you want to go to the --"

 

Shepard stopped when she saw the expression on Garrus's face. His mouth was wide, his mandibles consistently fluttering, fear and shock in his eyes. She touched his arm gently, and he didn't react. "Garrus, are you ok?"

 

He was silent for a few more moments, his gaze completely drawn to a group of turians in the kitchen. One turian in particular, actually -- a male with similar blue markings to Garrus.

 

Garrus finally found the courage to speak, and muttered so quietly that Shepard could barely hear him.

 

"Dad?"


	19. Intermission

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Here's another intermission! I hope everyone has a great weekend and I'll see you on Monday with another chapter.

"What's your normal skin care routine?"

 

Shepard shot Miranda a skeptical look over the back of her chair. "I wash it?"

 

"That's a start. What face wash do you use?"

 

"The soap kind."

 

Miranda let out an exasperated sigh and ran her fingers through Shepard's hair. "Let's make this easier. Go through your morning routine with me."

 

"Wake up, dress, brush teeth, eat, fight."

 

"And your shower routine?"

 

"Shampoo hair -- I’ll apply conditioner if I feel fancy -- then I use a non-scented soap for my body and face, and rinse."

 

"You use those harsh soaps on your face? No wonder your skin is so dry!" Miranda rustled around in the cabinet behind them. "Don't worry, Shepard, I have you covered. By the time I'm done with you, you'll be unrecognizable."

 

Shepard had no idea what half the products that Miranda used were, but she could tell that Miranda thought they were _very_ important.

 

"So we're going to start with your basic AHA exfoliation, which will give us a fresh plate to start with. I think want to use a hot cloth steam to open up your pores, followed by a mud mask to brighten your skin. We can then move on to a cream for dry skin, let it sit while we put rollers in your hair, and then we can begin your makeup!"

 

"This sounds like it will take hours."

 

"Only about two, but don't worry, it will be worth it."

 

Shepard didn't argue. Growing up, her mother had never been the type to fawn over herself and Zoey had taken after her. "There are more important things to do with your time and money than make yourself look pretty," she had always said.

 

But Zoey had to admit, it felt nice to have someone take care of you.

 

That was, until Miranda pulled out the evil tweezers.

 

"Why are you attacking me with those?" Zoey growled, after letting out a string of profanities. "I already have thin eyebrows."

 

"Just giving them a little bit of shape," Miranda responded as she nearly sat on Zoey's lap to best attack her eyebrows.

 

"Miranda? I wanted to come take a lot at that encrypted fi--"

 

Shepard's eyes fell to Jacob who was standing at the door way with his mouth ajar, staring at Miranda who was straddling his commander's lap with her chest surprisingly close to Shepard's face.

 

"I should go," he muttered, backing out the door slowly, his gaze remaining on the women.

 

"Don't listen to him," Miranda growled when she heard the door close. "He was taking mental pictures the whole time. When we were together he wouldn't stop asking about 'watching me with another woman'." The two women laughed heartily. "Alright, let's finish making you beautiful."


	20. Chapter Sixteen

Lazy Eye - Silversun Pickups

 

Garrus continued to stare open-mouthed at his father, his mind reeling as he contemplated everything that needed be said.

 

"Shepard," he muttered under his breath, finding it difficult to speak with his mouth dry and his stomach in his throat. "Go meet with Sparatus. I'll find you in a bit."

 

Shepard paused, reaching out to touch his arm in condolences but changing her mind at the last moment and turning to leave him.

 

As the door to the dining area closed behind Shepard, Raius looked up at the source of the noise and his eyes met with Garrus's, steely blue finding steely blue. He immediately excused himself from the group and approached Garrus, a weak smile growing on his face.

 

"Garrus, my son." His subvocals reflected happiness mixed with confusion. He gripped Garrus's forearms and their foreheads met. "It's a surprise to see you here."

 

"Same to you, dad. I thought you'd be home with mom."

 

Raius took a step back from Garrus, analyzing him momentarily, his eyes lingering on the scarred side of Garrus's face. "Solana is watching her while I attend to family duties. She misses you; I wish you would write to her."

 

Garrus growled faintly. "Duties which are more important than your wife's health?"

 

His father responded with a barking laugh. "You're criticizing me about caring for my loved ones when you abandoned us years ago? That's rich."

 

Garrus's anger nearly boiled over. He wasn't proud about putting aside his family for himself, but saving the galaxy had to take precedent. And with all the enemies he had developed over his two years on Omega, hiding his family's existence was the safest thing he could do for his parents and his sister.

 

"Regardless, Garrus, I'm glad to see that you're alive and that you've come to your senses. I admit I was concerned after our last phone call." His father paused, his gaze flitting around the room. "It's good to see you back on the Citadel where you belong instead of on that human ship with that human Commander, chasing children's old scary stories." Garrus didn't fail to notice the disgust in Raius's subvocals.

 

The turian who had opened the door for Garrus and Shepard walked past them with a tray laden with drinks in his hand, one of which Garrus grabbed and threw down his throat. "Actually, dad, I'm here with Commander Shepard."

 

Raius was silenced by that, and took a drink for himself. Garrus would never deny that he was a lucky turian -- he was born into a wealthy and powerful family in the hierarchy, and both his parents cared for him. But as he grew older and began having career aspirations, his relationship with his father became gradually more strained. From his father picking all of his classes in school, to choosing his basic training regiment, to refusing his Spectre training, Garrus always felt that his father was choosing his life for him because it was the 'turian way'.

 

"When will you stop chasing those fantasies and start doing your duty, son? Your place is with the turians, protecting and helping the people."

 

"You think I'm not trying to protect and help the people now?" Garrus's voice was beginning to rise in frustration.

 

"You're trying to protect them from something that doesn't exist."

 

"Saren and the geth threat was real, father, and Commander Shepard lead her crew, including myself, to take him down! The Reapers are real too, I've seen the threat first hand, but everyone is so concerned with maintaining their blissfully ignorant world that they're ignoring what Commander Shepard is saying and risking their people because of it!"

 

Raius's brow furrowed and he placed his hand on Garrus's shoulder in an attempt to placate his son. "Garrus, what Saren said about the Reapers is a lie. I can understand a human like Shepard falling for his lies, but I'm disappointed in you, son. You're too strong for this."

 

Garrus pulled away sharply, his father's taloned hand falling meekly from his shoulder. "The threat is real, father, whether you want to believe it or not. Don't risk your family just to prove that it's right."

 

"I am not risking my family!"

 

The room fell silent at Raius's raised voice. The turian son and father faced each other, their faces nearly touching, both fuming in anger and frustration. Garrus felt a strong hand on his shoulder and a steady voice spoke in his ear, "Let's go, Officer Vakarian, don't want to cause any trouble now."

 

Garrus's face fell into agony and he gave his father one last fleeting look before turning away and following the steady voice out of the apartment. As soon as they began walking away, the background murmuring of the other party guests returned.

 

When they had stepped out, he saw it was Mr. Buxton, the barefaced turian who had answered the door, who had lead him out of it. "I can't let you back in, Officer Vakarian. Can't cause any trouble. Why don't you head back to your ship now." He turned away and headed back into the loft, picking up a drink tray near the door before closing it on Garrus.

 

Instead of heading back to the ship, he took a seat at a nearby bench to wait for Shepard, playing the scene from earlier over and over in his head while holding his carapace in his hands.

 

Garrus loved his mother. He loved his sister. But he would never love his father.

 

\--

 

Crab, lobster, steak, mashed potatoes, green beans, broccoli, asparagus, pasta, salmon, chicken breast, turkey, fresh bread... and sushi.

 

Shepard glanced around the room to see that she was alone and dove to the levo table, taking a plate with one of everything. She closed her eyes, threw her head back and let out a quiet moan at the taste of sushi in her mouth for the first time in almost ten years.

 

The food was incredible, everything fresh and cooked by a real chef. She hadn't eaten that well in years and gorged herself, nonplussed about her unprofessional appearance.

 

"Commander Shepard, I see you found the levo buffet." She turned around to see Sparatus chuckling, an asari dressed in medical robes beside him.

 

She saluted him respectfully, and when she spoke her words were slightly muffled by mashed potatoes. "It's amazing, Councilor, thank you for your hospitality."

 

"Of course, Shepard, I'm glad you could make it. Have a seat." He sat at a nearby bar stool and indicated for her to have a seat next to him. "I'm glad we're getting the chance to talk. I'm speaking for the entire Council when I say how much I appreciate all the work you put in to take down Saren and the geth threat. You'll always have an honoured place among the Spectres. Do you mind if Dr. Altheira takes a blood sample?"

 

She swallowed a lump of rice down her throat. "I suppose not."  Her response was rewarded with a wide grin from the Councilor. "So, you're ready to discuss the Collectors?"

 

"I'd like to start with discussing Cerberus." He opened a data pad and took a few brief notes while Shepard took another few bites of food. "I'm grateful, of course, that they brought you back, I'm just curious as to _why_. The regeneration seems extreme, but it also appears to be a massive scientific breakthrough."

 

Shepard let in a sharp intake of breath when the asari surprised her by jabbing a large needle into her arm and quickly drawing blood. "A warning would have been nice," she growled to the asari before turning back to the turian Councilor. "When my scientist discovered the cell, I believed that it would have been an absolute priority to have it reengineered for the other species and then mass produced. However, I've been informed that it was part of the implants which were developed for my recovery, and they can only be replicated with vast amounts of credits and only under reconstructive circumstances."

 

The Councilor took a moment to type on his data pad, a faint smile on his face. "You're quite loquacious, Commander, you should consider politics after your military career." He finished typing and looked at her over the data pad. "So, you're under the impression that you're the only one that has received this treatment?"

 

"That's correct. I believe that Cerberus wants me to stay alive to successfully take down the Collectors."

 

"I'm sure. Do you have any information on any of the scientists involved in the development?"

 

With a fork full of salmon only an inch from her mouth, Shepard paused and lowered it slowly back onto her plate. "Councilor, I think that we should spend some of our limited time discussing the Collector and Reaper threats."

 

He cocked his head gently to the side, a condescending smile on his face. "Now Shepard, we all know that the Reaper threat is a delusion created from the Prothean cipher on Eden Prime, it's not your fault--"

 

She stood up abruptly. "There is a respectable turian in the next room who saw Sovereign on Virmire just like I did!"

 

Sparatus stood up and towered over her. "A facility on Virmire which you chose to destroy."

 

"Saren was breeding krogan! Would you truly have expected me to keep the facility in tact?"

 

"We could have used the research, Shepard."

 

"Just like you're using the research that Cerberus created to bring me back?"

 

The two stared each other down, neither willing to be the first to look away.

 

"Councilor, sir?" Both of their gazes were drawn to Mr. Buxton, who stood at the doorway to the kitchen, his voice faint. "You're needed in the dining area."

 

"I trust you can find your way out, Shepard." His subvocals were dripping with malice.

 

Without another word Sparatus left Mr. Buxton and Shepard alone. Shepard took a moment to allow her breathing to slow down before turning to the turian. "Could you be so kind as to inform Officer Vakarian that we're leaving?"

 

"He's already left, ma'am."

 

Her brow furrowed. "Why?"

 

"He was in an argument, I requested for him to leave before it escalated."

 

Typical Shepard and Vakarian. You could dress them up and take them to parties, but they both just wanted to start fights.

 

"Thank you, Mr. Buxton. It was a pleasure meeting you today, please thank your host for his generous hospitality." She turned on her heel and left the kitchen and then the loft.

 

\--

 

Garrus looked up when he saw the door to the loft open, and was surprised to see an angry looking Shepard emerge.

 

"That was quick," he said, standing up to walk over to her. "Sparatus didn't have much to say?"

 

"Nothing worthwhile," she said, rummaging in her handbag. "I should have known he only wanted me there to take a blood sample and find more about Cerberus bringing me back. At least I'm more prepared for people taking advantage of me from here on in." To his surprise, she pulled a napkin filled with sushi rolls out of her purse and popped one in her mouth. "How did things go with your dad?"

 

Garrus sighed. His usual reaction to a difficult situation was to brush it off with humour, but at this moment he wanted nothing more than to scream and break things. "I love my family, Shepard. But _Spirits_ my father is a selfish bastard."

 

She gave his shoulder a quick squeeze. "Care to elaborate?"

 

"Some day, Shepard, but not today."

 

"I guess we're just not party people, Garrus." She looped their elbows together. "We're too good at causing trouble."

 

"Maybe trouble just finds us, Zoey."

 

Lost in their thoughts, the pair returned to the ship in silence.


	21. Chapter Seventeen

When the Night Comes - Dan Auerbach

 

She sat alone in the cockpit, her legs pulled up to her chest and a mug of hot tea in her hands. They were in orbit around Illium and she was admiring the view of the sun rising over the planet, bringing light to one half of the it while submitting the other half to darkness.

 

It hadn't been an easy few days for her. After the disaster that was Sparatus's party, they had picked up the thief, Kasumi, and the biotic, Jack, before receiving an urgent wave that they had to travel to Horizon in the wake of a Collector attack. To her chagrin, Ashley had been there, and she made it very clear that she didn't trust Shepard.

 

After months of them working so closely together fighting Saren and considering Ashley to be a good friend, Shepard was hurt. Upon first seeing the former Gunnery Chief, she had a brief spark of hope that Ashley would want to be back on the Normandy, right at Shepard's side, but she was so wrong. Now, every night she had been plagued with the same night terror about facing Sovereign, who killed Ashley and continuously reminded her that he would destroy everything that she loved. As a result, she would wake up at the small hours bathed in sweat and she couldn't return to sleep as the images from the dreams were burned into the back of her eyelids.

 

It had been a great relief seeing Liara on Illium, and to feel the warm embrace of a trusting friend. But Liara had her own life now, and her own duties; Shepard understood that she couldn't just leave to go back to chasing bad guys on the Normandy. At the same time, Shepard was growing desperate for someone to talk to, because Garrus had turned into a stonewall figure. Every time she went to speak with him over the past three days, the result was always the same.

 

"Shepard, need me for something?"

 

"Do you have a minute?"

 

He would then pause, glance at his console, and point his thumb towards it. "Can it wait? I'm in the middle of some calibrations."

 

But she would never push it, knowing that he was recovering from a difficult encounter with his father and needed time. She took him off the ground team for a couple of missions, acknowledging that time off can be good for a person, but he just spent all of his free time calibrating, not accepting the time for resting.

 

Giving him time off had other positive results, though. She took Jacob to complete a mission for Zaeed and saved a group of innocent civilians, and she had a chance to test Jack and Grunt out on the ground at Horizon and both had performed admirably. The transport on the way to Horizon had been the perfect chance for her to speak to the two as well.

 

_"Jack, Grunt, we're on our way to our first ground mission together, so there's something you both should know. Jack, you're not the only one Cerberus has put a lot of work into modifying. When they brought me back, they used implants on me. The implants improved my biotic and combat skills, but they also release a cell that repairs any cells damaged in any way. As a result, in the battlefield, you may see me regenerate from wounds. I also can't die."_

 

_"You say that so calmly, Shepard," Jack scoffed._

 

_Shepard raised an eyebrow at her in response. "You tell people you're a biotic prodigy with the same degree of calm."_

 

_Jack laughed at that. "True. Guess we're both Cerberus freaks, then. Too bad they didn't torture you and pit you against others like yourself, or you'd be just like me."_

 

_"We'll get revenge on them, Jack, don't you worry." Her gaze fell to the krogan. "You've been quiet, Grunt."_

 

_"I don't understand what it means to not die. Okeer taught me that dying in battle is honourable. Where is the honour if you cannot die in battle?"_

 

_"We're fighting the Collectors, Grunt." Shepard stood up, holding on to a handle in the transport as it swayed while landing. "There is no honour, only saving the innocent. Now let's get down there and do just that!"_

 

"Commander? I think you're in my chair."

 

Joker interrupted her reminiscing, causing her to jump a bit before flashing a wide smile at him. "Technically Joker, my ship, my seat."

 

"You're gonna make the cripple stand? Besides, I'd like to see you fly this thing half as well as I do."

 

"Alright, have your damn seat back. I know you just like it because you get to be so close to EDI."

 

He rolled his eyes dramatically as he took his seat back. "I think I'd rather have Saren as a copilot than that thing."

 

EDI popped up immediately at that comment. "Jeff, are you upset at my comment yesterday regarding your restroom break?"

 

"Yes, EDI, I'm frankly a bit disturbed that you've been tracking my bathroom time!"

 

"I just found it unusual you spent 37.3 minutes in the restroom during your shift, when the average human restroom time is approximately 4.4 minutes."

 

"Do we really need to discuss this in front of the Commander? I was reading Pilots Today and lost track of time!"

 

"Logging you out, Jeff."

 

Joker turned back to Shepard, making another dramatic eye roll. "AIs these days. Anyways, Shepard, where are we off to next?"

 

"Well, we have a lot of options. We can either stay here to recruit Thane and Samara and help Miranda look for her sister, or we could travel; to Aeia to look into Jacob's father's ship, to Bekenstein to help out Kasumi, to Tuchanka to help out Mordin, to Pragia to help Jack, or to Haestrom to recruit Tali."

 

"My vote's for a friendly face, Shepard, but doesn't it make more sense for us to save ourselves a few hours' travel and stay here?"

 

She rubbed her eyes with her fists. "Good point, Joker. I'll take Miranda and Jack with me, everyone else can go on shore leave."

 

"Are you just taking those two together to start a cat fight? Because I'd really prefer to see them fight on the ship. In a mud pit. In bikinis."

 

"I'll get right on that, Joker. Land at the port in Nos Astra and notify the crew of 24 hour shore leave while we get these missions done."

 

"Aye aye, Commander."

 

\--

 

Miranda was alone in her office when her omni-tool pinged with a message from Shepard.

 

_Miranda,_

_We're landing on Illium. Going to take a look into Orianna today and I'd also like you to come along with me to recruit Samara and Thane. Your skills are always appreciated on the ground._

_Shepard._

 

She let out a huff when she glanced at the mission reports showing that Jack would be on the ground team with her. _That will be a joy._

 

Her door pinged with an entry request, and her monitor read the ID of Kelly Chambers. Her brow furrowed in confusion, but she accepted the request.

 

"Thank you for seeing me, Miranda, I hope now is a good time."

 

"Now is fine, thanks, but we are expected to land in half an hour."

 

"I only need a few minutes of your time."

 

"Go ahead."

 

The yeoman took a seat across from Miranda, crossed her legs, and braided her fingers. "When I joined this crew, you requested that I notify you of any unusual behaviour among crew members. I've had some concerns about two of our crew members, and I've been doing some research with EDI."

 

Miranda leaned back in her chair. "Go on."

 

"First, I'm concerned about Shepard. EDI has been reporting that she's been having difficulty sleeping, only getting about 4 to 5 hours per night. She's also been spending excess of two hours daily in the cargo bay's exercise area. I'm concerned that the stress could be too great, due to her showing signs of potential PTSD."

 

Miranda covered her mouth with her hand in thought. It was undeniable that the Commander was either seen in the exercise area, training area, or the mess the majority of the time. She had attributed it to her dedication, but she could be using it as a distraction.  "Thank you, Chambers, I'll be monitoring her closely. Who's the second crew member?"

 

"It's Garrus Vakarian, ma'am. We took shore leave on the Citadel last week, and he's been exceedingly reclusive since then. He calibrates almost ten hours a day, and the rest of his free time is either spent in the mess or at the shooting range. It seems unusual."

 

"Excellent observation, Chambers. I'll be assigning him to various tasks around the ship to gauge his response. Everyone else seems well?"

 

"Yes, the rest of the crew is well and functioning normally."

 

"Thank you, Kelly. You're dismissed."

 

Kelly left, and Miranda pondered over Shepard. Could the Illusive Man be putting too much pressure on her? She imagined herself in Shepard's position: being told to take care of a constantly growing crew, all while dealing with the emotional ramifications of her changes after Miranda brought her back. And what happened with her and Garrus at the Citadel that had been putting so much pressure on the both of them that they never rested?

 

One thing was for certain: the whole crew needed a chance to relax, and soon. Otherwise, the whole mission could go downhill quickly.

 

\--

 

Recruiting Samara and Thane went off without a hitch, other than Miranda and Jack nearly killing each other every time they had to stay in an elevator together. However, Miranda was thrilled to watch her sister transfer into safety, and the mood on the Normandy was on the increase. That was with the exception of Garrus remaining emotionally blank, and the ominous feeling at the pit of Shepard's heart that she couldn't yet identify.

 

She blamed it on many possible things: the weight of the regenerating cells, the pressure to help so many of her ground crew, the knowledge of the Reaper IFF... She felt that she had to be in many places at once, helping many people.

 

But the one person she was most desperate to help was as responsive as a dead fish and she couldn't deny her frustration.

 

She would have given anything to see Garrus's mandibles flutter in excitement at seeing her again. To sit with him and eat in the mess. To train together. To fight on the ground together. To have his advice on where they should go and who they should help next. But whenever she tried to talk to him, she received emotionless blue eyes and an excuse about calibrations.

 

How many calibrations can a turian really do?!

 

"Shepard! Watch your left flank."

 

Samara's voice dragged her back into reality. Shepard brought her and Thane onto a shakedown mission investigating a Blood Pack base in the Xe Cha system to analyze how well they worked together. They were proving to be two seasoned fighters with excellent concepts of the layout of the battlefield, leaving her thoroughly impressed with both of them. However, the three biotics together left them in desperate need of a tech expert. One like Garrus.

 

A need to finish the mission and get back on the ship filled her, and Shepard went into 'combat mode'. She dove behind cover, and shot down the merc at her left flank; Samara jumped out of cover to shoot a powerful throw at an unarmoured vorcha, and Thane flanked a krogan that Shepard charged, lifting him helplessly into the air before Thane finished him with a headshot.

 

"Good work, team. Let's make sure we clear out this facility."

 

Thane jogged up beside her while they searched the area. "You move like water, Shepard. You have the body of an assassin and the soul of a leader."

 

Shots rang out from their right, which Samara silenced with a throw. "You'll have to tell me more about that religion of yours some time, Thane. But for now, watch my six and let's take these guys out."

 

The three worked as a team, biotics flying across the field. Thane used warp on an enemy vanguard, which Shepard took down with two clean pistol shots to the head. Samara jumped out of cover and sprayed down two vorcha with her SMG that she had rendered helpless with pull, and Shepard focused on their team leader, picking at his shields before Thane executed him with a deadly headshot.

 

The poor mercs never stood a chance.

 

"Clear," Samara called.

 

"Let's get out of here," Shepard said, calling Joker. "I'm tired of looking at vorcha."

 

\--

 

Shepard was fuming. Zaeed, Miranda, and she had just returned from the Collector ship, and she had just let the Illusive Man have it for setting them up and risking the lives of two of her crew members at the hands of the Collectors. She was desperate to run upstairs to change before heading to the cargo bay to beat the shit out of a punching bag that she would tape the Illusive Man's face to.

 

She was absolutely sick and tired of the way that he operated. Everything was secretive, and she had a feeling he had a bigger scheme up his sleeve that she knew would come out before the end of all of this. Although she wanted to trust the Cerberus crew on her ship, she had difficulty trusting anyone who would be willing to work under someone like him.

 

Chambers waved her over while she waited for the elevator, causing her to roll her eyes while out of her line of vision.

 

"Garrus wishes to speak to you, Commander. He has a certain fire in his eyes."

 

Shepard's eyes lit up and she immediately headed down to the main battery without changing into her civvies. This must be important.

 

When she arrived in the battery, Garrus was pacing and looked exceedingly concerned.

 

"Shepard, I'm going to be upfront with you." Honesty was good. "I'm not sure if the Normandy is the best place for me right now."

 

Shepard's heart fell to the pit of her stomach. "Why?" she whispered, unable to form any other words.

 

"I have a lead on Sidonis, Shepard. I need to track him. I need the closure from my team on Omega."

 

"Garrus, I'll follow you to the end of the galaxy, and tracking Sidonis is included with that."

 

"It's not just that, Shepard!" he stopped pacing and threw his arms up. "It's... I don't even know where to begin, Shepard."

 

"Start from the beginning."

 

He was clearly agitated as he resumed pacing. "Shepard, my father is a difficult man. I've told you before about how he prevented me from beginning Spectre training."

 

"I remember."

 

"Well..." he sighed.”Shepard, you'll have to bear with me, because this is exceedingly difficult for me to talk about.

 

"My family is very high ranking in the turian hierarchy. As a result, my father has always put a great weight on the success of Solana and myself so that we can maintain the Vakarian name. So you can imagine his disappointment when I left C-Sec to chase a rogue Spectre under a human Commander while my sister continued to make her way through the military ranks. He made it very clear that he had aspirations for me to make it to C-Sec command and would be disappointed with any other result. Even as a child, he chose my life path for me, which left me with a lot of confusing questions as I grew older about what would have been right for me.

 

"After I had been with C-Sec for a few years, my mother sent me a message. She had been having difficulty with her memory, so she went to a well-established Salarian doctor on Palaven." He met her eyes briefly, his filled with sorrow, before his gaze returned to the floor. "She has Corpalis Syndrome. Brain degeneration. No known cure. It starts with memories, and grows worse with time until she forgets what happened thirty seconds ago. Eventually her motor functions will go and it will kill her."

 

"Garrus, I..."

 

He put his hand up to silence her. "I've already come to terms with it, Shepard. Right before you found me on Omega, I thought I was done. So I called my parents. My father was his usually disappointed self and my mother..." She heard his voice catch in his throat. "She didn't remember me. She didn't even remember that she had a son."

 

Shepard touched his arm tenderly, but he remained silent, trying to rein in his emotion. When he continued, his voice was soft. "Seeing my father at Sparatus's was hard. It meant that he had given up on my mom, leaving her in Solana's care. He also said that I'm a disappointment for following you, that I should be in C-Sec where I belong, not chasing imaginary enemies."

 

"The Reapers are not imaginary!"

 

He sighed. "Regardless of whether he's right or wrong about where I should be, I need to bring justice to Sidonis. After that, I need to make amends to my sister and my mother. They need me. The turian people need me. You haven't had me on your ground team in six missions, Shepard, so you clearly don't need me."

 

She grabbed his upper arms and gazed into his eyes intensely. "The Reapers and Collectors are real. If we don't fight them, there won't be a galaxy for your sister and your mother. There won't be doctors to treat your mother. The galaxy needs you." She paused before whispering, "I need you."

 

He pulled away. "If you needed me, you would bring me on the ground missions."

 

"You think I only need you for the ground missions? To me, you're a lot more than just a great shot. Since the first day that you were on the Normandy, you've been a source of guidance, support, and inspiration for me. You've kept me from drowning on many occasions."

 

"I can't swim, Shepard."

 

"It's a metaphor, Garrus. It means that sometimes when I have a hard time keeping up what I'm doing, you're there to inspire me to keep doing it. I wouldn't have been able to take down Saren without you, and I'm damn sure that I won't be able to take down the Collectors without you. So listen to me now, Vakarian." She put her finger on his chest to emphasize her point. "We're going to set our course for the Citadel so that we can take down Sidonis together. After that, we're going to get Tali, because I know both of us need her on the ship. Then we're going to take down those Collector bastards and get you to Palaven so you can be with your family. That's a command. Are we clear, soldier?"

 

Garrus's mouth opened and closed several times as he looked to make an argument but found none. "Yes, Commander."

 

"Good.” She spoke to the intercom. “Joker? Set a course for the Citadel."

 

Shepard left the room, and Garrus felt a surge of pride in his heart that he was able to work under such a great Commander. He reached under his cot to pull out the box containing his gift for her. He opened it and gazed at the contents, tenderly running a talon over it before putting it back under his cot.

 

The time to give it to her was soon. Not now, but soon.

 


	22. Chapter Eighteen

Homesick - The Vines

 

"Grunt, would you be so kind as to give Shepard and I a moment alone?"

 

The krogan gave the turian and the human a confused glance before exiting the shuttle to head for the showers.

 

Garrus was looking into Shepard's eyes the whole time, his gaze steady and cold. "Would you care to explain what the _hell_ just happened?"

 

Shepard was an exceedingly brave woman. In her lifetime, she had fought countless enemies of every size and race. But she had never seen a turian this angry, and she had to admit, she was scared.

 

"Garrus." Her voice was shaking. "I didn't want you to make a decision you'd regret."

 

"The only thing I regret is not being able to kill the son of a bitch who murdered my entire goddamn team."

 

"You didn't hear what he had to say, Garrus. He's wrought by guilt after what happened."

 

"I'm wrought by guilt and you didn't give me any mercy! If you truly valued me, Shepard, you would have let me do what I wanted to instead of holding me back."

 

"You would have been wrought with guilt just like he is for the rest of your life if I didn't stop you!"

 

"I have those ten lives hanging over my head for the rest of my life now knowing that I lost the chance to seek revenge for them! Why does he deserve to live when he deemed that they deserved to die?"

 

"You think I don't understand what it's like to want revenge for someone that I care about?" She stood up and looked down on him. "Garrus, it's not up to you to decide if someone deserves to die or not. Decisions in life aren't that easy. I've dedicated my life to preserving as many lives as I can, whether the people are evil or not. The ones that I shoot are the ones that shoot me first."

 

"Don't be so puritanical, Shepard. He stabbed me in the back; it's the same as him shooting me first."

 

"Stop being such a stubborn bastard, Garrus!" Now Shepard was the one who was terrifyingly angry. "I've been in your boots before. I've been in a situation where someone I loved dearly died when she shouldn't have. I sought my revenge. But to this day I still feel guilty for the way that I slaughtered those people.

 

"To the wicked, Garrus, a life in prison is often worse than death; because it means that they're kept alive to sit and fester in their own guilt until it utterly destroys them. That's the life Sidonis will get."

 

Garrus stood up and they stared each other down for what felt like an eternity. Eventually, he was the one who backed down, and he turned away to exit the shuttle. "Take someone else on your ground crew to get Tali. I need to be alone."

 

"I'm your Commander; you're on the ground crew if I say that you are!"

 

Shepard watched him leave and slam the door behind him, leaving her sitting alone in the shuttle. She cursed loudly before slamming herself down into a seat, her face in her hands. Her emotions were clouding her judgment as a commander, and she was losing a crew member as a result.

 

She needed an old friend. Someone she could trust. Someone she could be entirely honest with, and who could provide her with guidance as a Commander, as well as in her personal matters.

 

She needed Tali.

 

\--

 

Although he argued, Shepard directed Kal'Reegar to stay back and provide supporting fire. There was something in his tone of voice that betrayed his emotions, and Shepard knew that his feelings were more than just respect for Tali. The thought made her smile; he seemed like a good man, a strong man, just what her Tali needed; and because of that she wouldn't let him risk his life.

 

She pulled her ground team aside momentarily. "Zaeed, Kasumi. What do you think is the best route to that Colossus?"

 

"I've seen you fight, Shepard," Zaeed growled. "You do best jumping through cover, regardless of how many guddamn enemies are in front of you. Take the direct attack, take the middle route."

 

She nodded at him. "Good idea, Massani. I'm going to take the most direct; I want you two to watch my six. Kasumi, anything you see with shields, use overload on it immediately. Zaeed, anything gets too close behind me, use concussive shot. Don't even think about touching that Colossus until we're right up its ass. Got it?"

 

"Yes, ma'am!" Kasumi made a mock salute before loading her pistol.

 

"Move out!"

 

Shepard ran forward, immediately taking out two geth troopers with her Tempest. Geth started to flow in from her left and right, so she directed Zaeed and Kasumi to aim at their respective directions. She threw supporting biotics into the groups of geth and switched to her Carnifex to shoot down anything in front of her, staying in cover as frequently as she could to avoid the shots from the Colossus.

 

Kasumi was getting swarmed, so Shepard dove out to cover to her right, sending a biotic Singularity to trap four geth so she could summarily execute them with headshots. Turning around she saw a Geth Hunter invisible behind Zaeed, so she used pull to send him helplessly into the air and directed Zaeed to use a concussive shot on him, sending him flying from the battlefield.

 

The commander and her crew slowly advanced through the waves of geth, Zaeed hanging back slightly to snipe. When they finally reached the Colossus, Shepard pulled out her particle rifle to pick away at its shields and armour while she directed Kasumi and Zaeed to focus on the geth troops that surrounded it. She couldn't help but let out a quiet 'yes' when the Colossus finally fell.

 

Seeing Tali sent a wave of relief through her. Her friend was alive and well, and willing to come back on the Normandy with her. When Kal arrived, alive but injured, Shepard knew that Tali felt a similar sense of relief.

 

"Listen, Tali, I'm ecstatic to get back on the Normandy with you, but I think you should... brief Kal before we go." Shepard winked at her. "We'll be waiting outside to make sure no geth are still floating around."

 

Shepard turned back briefly before leaving to catch a beautiful image. Tali and Kal were facing each other, holding each others' hands with their helmets touched as they exchanged whispers.

 

Maybe her adversity to love was misguided. Caring about another being that much looked beautiful and fulfilling.

 

A long sigh escaped her lips. She cared about Garrus that much. But right now, he didn't even want to be on her ground team, never mind feeling the same way about her.

 

\--

 

Tali and Shepard stayed up talking until the small hours of the morning. Everything that had happened up until that point was discussed; Shepard's regeneration on Freedom's Progress and the resulting revelation of the cell (resulting in a loud Keelah! from Tali), the threat of the Collectors, building the team, and the absolute pressure Shepard felt from the whole situation.

 

Tali also filled Shepard in on her life since the SR-1. She explained her warm welcome back onto the flotilla (the Admiralty Board thrilled with her contributions from her Pilgrimage), her continual search for geth parts to send to her father to assist in his research, and finally her missions to Freedom's Progress and Haestrom.

 

"Tell me, Shepard... how did you know... about Kal?"

 

Shepard smiled wryly. "I could hear in his voice that his feelings for you ran deeper than respect. I'm happy for you, Tali." Her smile changed from wry to warm. "But you have to give me the whole story."

 

"Two years is a long time, Shepard. Since my Pilgrimage, I grew up and found myself desiring companionship beyond my family and friends. Kal came into my life organically: he was assigned to my ship when we were on a salvage run. He impressed me with his skills on the field, and with the way he carried himself." She laughed faintly. "I guess I impressed him too."

 

"How could you not?"

 

Tali blushed under her helmet. "On the way to Haestrom we... joined suits. I was sick for the first three days on the planet, but it was so worth it. Then the geth started to take out his whole team, and he worked incredibly hard to protect me. I was so relieved to see him alive, Shepard. He understands that me being on the Normandy is more important than anything, and he has his own duties to the flotilla, but we'll see each other soon.

 

"What about you, Shepard? Surrounded by all sorts of good looking men on this ship, one of them must stand out to you."

 

Shepard laughed at how straight forward her friend was. "I've never had much of a love life, Tali."

 

"What do you mean, you bosh'tet? Suitors must be lining up out the door for a woman like you."

 

"I've always been more focused on my career."

 

"I can understand that, Shepard, and what a career that you have! But don't you wish at the end of a long day that you could curl up into someone's arms and forget about your worries?"

 

Shepard took a pregnant pause. An image of her and Garrus lying together on her bed, sleeping peacefully without any nightmares of Sovereign taking her friends away from her, invaded her mind. "Yes," she whispered. "I do. For the first time in my life, I do. With one person." She swallowed. "One person who is currently so mad at me he requested not to be on my ground team to get you."

 

"Keelah!" Tali cried, her fingers covering the bottom of her mask. "It's Garrus!"

 

Shepard flashed a wide-eyed look. "How did you know?"

 

"I know you, Shepard. You'd only care that much about someone you trust. And from what you've told me, he's the only one on the ship that you trust completely."

 

The relief at finally having someone in on her secret felt incredible. "Tali, I feel like I've been holding a torch for him ever since we picked him up on Omega. He's been keeping me steady through this entire storm. After every mission, he's been the one I've been able to go and talk to. He's my best friend. But I stopped him from killing Sidonis, and he resents me for it."

 

"Shepard... Listen. Life's not short for you, not anymore, but that doesn't mean life isn't short for him. We're on a suicide mission. There's a chance he couldn't make it out of this. Do you want to live the rest of your days with regret at your inaction? You need to talk to him and let him know how you feel. What's the worst that could happen? He could be a complete bosh'tet and not realize what an amazing woman you are, and you remain friends. But at least the air would be clear! Otherwise, how will you ever know if he feels the same?"

 

Shepard laughed. "Do you always give such inspirational speeches?"

 

"I gave one to Garrus at your funeral. I've never seen him as lost as he looked that day. But you being back in action with him at your side, it gives him purpose. I can see it in his face. You need each other."

 

Shepard stood up, feeling a renewed sense of vigor. "You're right Tali. You're absolutely right. I need to talk to him. Now."

 

Tali gently put her hand on Shepard's shoulder and eased her back into her seat. "If it wasn't 0215 hours, I'd agree with you that it's the best thing to do. But for now, I have a plan, and I think things will turn out even better."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I just wanted to tell a brief Mass Effect-related story, since we're all Mass Effect fans here.
> 
> I started my second trilogy playthrough (I've played ME1 ~6 times, but only through ME2 and ME3 once. Blasphemy, I know) in September and last night I finished ME3. Playing through the ending again (saying goodbye to Garrus; Wrex's words of inspiration; Javik's words of hope) brought me to the verge of tears because I've become so close with each of the characters. I constantly marvel at the beauty of the universe that Bioware has created for us, and even though I just played through the series I'm so excited to play through it again (as Broshep this time!). And again. And again. So this is a big ass THANK YOU to Bioware for making the best universe I've ever seen in a game, or in any fiction.
> 
> Although there's a lot more to my Woods series, I can't wait to continue fleshing out my ideas in fic form as a small tribute to what BW has created. I <3 Mass Effect.
> 
> I'd also like to add a big THANK YOU to everyone who has been reading and keeping up with my little story here. I won't reveal anything but I have a lot of really great ideas for the future and I hope that it's been as enjoyable for you to read it as it has been for me to write it.


	23. Chapter Nineteen

I Can't Win - The Strokes

 

Shepard strolled into the cockpit, her head held high with a wide smile on her face. Tali's plan was brilliant, and Shepard was looking forward to executing it.

 

"Joker."

 

"Commander. To what do I owe you the pleasure?"

 

"I've brought you a coffee," she said, gently placing the mug on the arm of his chair, "And a new course."

 

"Bringing me coffee? Must be sucking up. Where to, Commander?"

 

"Set course for Palaven, city of Cipritine, we'll be dropping off Garrus, Tali, and anyone else who wants shore leave or to pick up supplies there. Anyone not going on shore leave is coming with you and I to Alchera, the Alliance asked me to place a monument at the Normandy crash site. We'll then head to Aratoht -- Hackett is requesting I go in solo to rescue a Dr. Kenson -- before returning to Palaven to pick everyone up and get back to work."

 

Joker turned his chair to face her. "Well this explains the coffee. Everyone gets to go on shore leave for at least two days while I ferry you around for little personal missions?"

 

"Exactly."

 

"Why exactly did you choose Palaven? Can't be the weather with the sun that burns your skin off and all, and you know how fun the turians are to hang out with."

 

Shepard made an expression of being mockingly offended at his comment. "Cipritine is a great place to resupply! Besides, Tali had me organize a meeting with one of their Admirals so they can negotiate a beneficial exchange of parts with the quarians."

 

"Whatever you say, Commander, but you owe me."

 

"Coffee wasn't enough?"

 

"Hell no."

 

"Dinner next time we go somewhere civilized with levo food?"

 

"Only if it involves steak. For the record, I'm only accepting so I have a good excuse to get away from EDI."

 

\--

 

"Did I ever tell you about my wife?"

 

Garrus leapt away from his computer, dove underneath his cot to pull out his pistol and scanned the room, before finally noticing the shadow of the drell in the corner, prompting him to lower his weapon.

 

"Spirits, Thane, do you always sneak up on people like that?"

 

"It's my profession."

 

"How did you even get in without using the door?"

 

"The vents." His tone was incredibly matter-of-fact.

 

"You could have knocked," he grumbled as he stowed his pistol back under his bed. "Also, you haven't told me about your wife, because we haven't really spoken one-on-one."

 

"I'll have to rectify that fact." Garrus noticed that the drell's voice remained consistent and steady, never heavily betraying his emotion. "I would like to tell you the story of my wife."

 

Garrus let out an exasperated sigh and resigned to taking a seat on his cot. "Go ahead."

 

"I can sense your inner turmoil, Garrus, and I hope this story will help guide you. As you may know, I grew up on Kahje, the hanar homeworld. The hanar took in many drell when we suffered from overpopulation on our own planet, and as a result, we created the Compact. It is our reconciliation for the hanar saving our people. As part of the Compact, I was chosen for training as an assassin at a very young age. It was an honour.

 

"My spirit was asleep for the assassinations that had been performed by my body throughout my lifetime. Many years ago, when I was making an assassination on a man, a woman saw my laser sight. Although most would have ignored it, she stepped in front of the man. She woke my spirit from its slumber and showed me the value of life.

 

"Her body has passed now, but what she taught me will always be with my spirit. You cannot so easily pass judgment on who deserves life and who deserves death. As difficult as it may be to accept, we often require guidance on the judgment. Be grateful for those who are willing to help guide you, for those with the patience to help us wicked ones come infrequently into our lives."

 

Garrus remained silent, Thane's words heavy on his heart. He doubted that the drell coming to him at his most difficult time was a coincidence, and he momentarily pondered on his words.

 

"Thane, how--"

 

But when he looked around him, Thane was gone.

 

\--

 

"Shepard, what can I do for you?"

 

"Do you have a minute?"

 

"Can it wait, I'm --"

 

"No, it can't wait. And for the record, I know you're not calibrating, I saw you close a vid on your omni-tool the second I came in."

 

"You caught me taking a break, good job. Now, what do you need?"

 

"Ouch, Garrus. If you're going to have that much attitude, maybe I should tell Joker to alter course away from Palaven."

 

"You're talking to me about attitude when..." His expression quickly changed from one of frustration to one of shock, his eyes and mouth widening. "Wait, did you say we're going to Palaven?"

 

"Yes, soldier." She raised an eyebrow at him. "Optional minimum 48 hour shore leave there. Cipritine is a great place to resupply, and Tali is meeting with one of the Admirals to discuss a turian-quarian trade agreement. Joker and I -- and anyone else who doesn't want to go down to Palaven -- will be staying with the Normandy while I complete a couple of solo missions."

 

He took a step forward and grabbed her upper arms with his taloned hands, looking deep into her eyes. She noticed that he looked weary, like sleep had been evading him. "Shepard, are you sure about this? I--"

 

"EDI, what's our estimated time of arrival to Cipritine's port?"

 

"We're expected to arrive at 1400 hours local time, Commander. It is currently 0900 hours local time."

 

"Thank you, EDI. By the way, Garrus... I gave Anderson a call, your dad's still on the Citadel."

 

Garrus continued to hold her arms and stare at her, his mandibles flickering into a wide smile. "Shepard -- Zoey -- you have no idea how much this means to me."

 

She shrugged noncommittally. "I have a rough idea. Wouldn’t do it otherwise."

 

"Zoey, I... I'm a bit lost for words right now. But you need to know how sorry I am for the way I reacted after Sidonis. You're right, Shepard. I could hear the pain in your voice when you were talking about your own experience, I should have listened to you."

 

"I'll have to tell you that story some time, Garrus. Then you'll see where I'm coming from."

 

"Why not now? We have five hours before we land."

 

"Let me grab a snack, I'll be right back."

 

Garrus watched the door to the battery close and collapsed onto the ground as soon as it did. He felt so many emotions well up inside of him that he didn't know where to start. He was ecstatic that he'd finally be able to see his mother and his sister, help them at home a bit, and give them some funds for his mother's treatment. Curiosity then rose in him -- why was Shepard going so above and beyond for him?

 

Was it possible she cared about him the way that he cared about her?

 

His anger with her after Sidonis had been inexcusable. He was so caught up with his belief that Shepard had betrayed him and his need for revenge that he allowed it to take precedent over everything else. Yet here she was, overthrowing his anger with logic, and he was ignoring it. What a fool he was! Letting his emotions get in the way of being a soldier.

 

He made an agreement with himself at that moment. When he was back from Palaven, he would tell Shepard how he felt. No more running, no more hiding.

 

Life was too short to sit back and ignore the woman of his dreams.

 

He stood up, brushing off his armour, and took a seat at his cot. Shepard walked in the door with two plates -- one with white and yellow eggs and the other with white and green eggs.

 

"I thought you might be hungry, seeing as EDI says you've barely eaten all week." She shot him a very motherly glare. "Regrettably, Mess Sergeant Gardner's food most likely isn't in the same league as your mom's."

 

He began to scarf down the food, surprised at how hungry he had been. "Fank you," he managed to mutter through a mouthful of eggs.

 

"So you want my story, eh? You know it's not a happy one."

 

He swallowed hard. "I'm listening."

 

"I mentioned to you back on the SR-1 that I had an older sister. Her name was Jane, and she was perfect. I don't mean that in the hero worshipping younger sister way either: she was the prodigal child in our family, taking all the best features from both of our parents and brains bigger than either of theirs. She was eight years older than me, but she spent the majority of my youth at a school for gifted human children on Earth. Even though we saw each other infrequently, I treasured every moment with her. She was smart, beautiful, funny, and she wanted to become a doctor so she could dedicate her life helping people. She's the one who inspired me to dedicating my life to help people, too.

 

"When she was sixteen, she started university, majoring in life sciences. Most humans don't start university until they're eighteen, to give you an idea of how above average her intelligence was. When she was nineteen, she started medical school, and by twenty-two, she secured a residency at one of the highest-ranking hospitals on Earth in a city in China by the name of Hong Kong.

 

"But it became evident early on that my sister was too big for Earth. She was contracted by an Alliance cruiser, the SSV Sydney, to travel and practice medicine on the various human colonies where she was needed. She loved it because she was able to help people and do her duty to humanity. Many soldiers on that ship vied for her attention, but she was dutiful to her work. Work first, family second, love third.

 

"Two years into her travels, she was stationed on a small human colony by the name of Elysium that was suffering from a bad virus breakout. She had been there for a week when the batarian slavers hit.

 

"Fate must have been acting upon us that day, because I was stationed in the same system when I heard the news. The captain of my ship allowed me to take a shuttle down to the planet to investigate their distress signal. I landed and jumped in, rallied the troops, and saved many colonists and soldiers." Her head hung low. "In spite of everything, I lost my sister during the attack. She allowed herself to be directly in the foray so she could treat the soldiers and the colonists and lost her life in the process. They gave both Jane and I medals that day, but hers was post-mortem. I saved many innocent lives in that colony, but lost the one innocent life that had meant so much to me." She looked up at Garrus. "I miss her every day. My brother does, too, even though he got even less time with her than I did. I think her death was the first thing that shocked him back into shape after his arrest."

 

"Your family haven't had it easy, have they?"

 

She snorted at him and took another bite of her food. "We Shepards are a tough bunch. I just always remind myself that I wouldn't be where I am without the support of my parents and the wisdom of my sister. She inspires me in everything I do.

 

"But the pain, Garrus, is in how I treated those batarians. I was so filled with rage at finding my sister's corpse that after I saved the colonists, I chased the surviving slavers in my shuttle. I caught up to the ship, boarded, and murdered every single person on that ship. Some of them were just innocent engineers, but I killed every last one of them. At the time it seemed like the right thing to do, to prevent them from continuing to wreak havoc on humanity, but wasn't I just as guilty as they?"

 

"I'm starting to learn, Zoey, that sometimes life isn't as black and white as we want it to be. And grey?" He let out a humourless laugh.  "I don't know what to do with grey."

 

Shepard sighed. "Maybe that's why I've felt so sure of myself since I've started chasing Saren. Maybe that's why I've brought people together with my conviction. For once in my life, I'm fighting a clearly defined evil, and I'm damn happy to be doing it."

 

She put down her plate, stood, and stretched. "I think that's about enough talking for me, I'm ready to get some exercise in. You coming with?"

 

"Wouldn't miss it."

 


	24. Chapter Twenty

Ghostwriter - RJD2

 

Garrus's time on Palaven had proven to be simultaneously joyful and painful.

 

Several of the crew members had opted for shore leave there: Tali, Mordin, Grunt, Thane, and Zaeed joined him, while the rest remained with the Commander. He offered them lodging at his family home and everyone was grateful for a warm bed and a quiet household (with the exception of Tali, who consistently noted how unnerving she found the lack of engine noise).

 

The look on Solana's face when he showed up at the door was priceless. In typical Solana fashion, she smacked his arm hard before pulling him in to rest her forehead against his. He couldn't help but laugh at her amused expression as he introduced her to the various members of the crew as they removed their enviro suits once in the safety of the house.

 

His greatest concern had been seeing his mother. When he stepped into her room, the lights were dim and she was sleeping peacefully. Three machines were in the room, attached to her through tubes in various places on her body. He approached her and saw that she had weakened; her body was more thin and frail than he had ever seen it. She heard him take a seat next to him and her eyes flickered open but their expression was vacuous as she rolled her head to face him.

 

"I know your face." Her voice was so weak he had to lean in closer to hear her. "I know your face, but not your name. I know many faces but no names."

 

It took all of his courage to speak. "My name is Garrus, and I'm your son."

 

Her mouth opened, forming a triangular shape. She made a great effort to sit up and prop herself up on the pillows. "I'm sorry, dear, but I just don't remember having a son."

 

"I've been gone for a while." His voice was barely above a whisper, and his subvocals displayed his agony. "But I've come to visit you for a couple of days."

 

"That's lovely, dear, but I'm so tired."

 

He gripped her hand. It was cooler than he remembered, but feeling it brought back many memories from his childhood. "Why don't I tell you a story while you fall asleep?"

 

She leaned back onto her pillows and let out a relaxed sigh. "That would be lovely."

 

Maintaining his composure, he retold the story of when he was young and they first visited the Citadel. By the time they were in C-Sec visiting his father, she was snoring softly, so he released her hand and quietly stepped out of the room, Solana's furrowed brow greeting him as he opened the door.

 

"It was good of you to come," she whispered. There was unbearable pain in her subvocals, and he began to realize just how hard it was for her to watch over their mother. "Mom is just getting worse and worse. She sleeps most of the day and barely leaves the bed, and she's never hungry."

 

Although it was predominantly a human gesture, Garrus felt it appropriate to pull his sweet, caring younger sister into an embrace. She gripped him back, hard. Roaring laughter rang from downstairs where the rest of his crew was gathered, a mockery to the siblings' suffering.

 

"Dad left, Garrus, to go to the Citadel a few weeks ago. He said it was for a few days for business, but I haven't gotten more than a few brief messages since. I don't think he could take it anymore, seeing mom like this."

 

Garrus chose not to burden her with the tale of him confronting their father. He instead continued holding her, hoping only to take some of the weight off her shoulders.

 

"While we're here, I'm going to take care of mom while you take care of the crew, ok? Take them around town, let them see the sights, and relax a bit yourself."

 

"Thank you," she whispered, her subvocals relieved.

 

\--

 

The next day, while Garrus stayed at his mother's bedside telling her stories of his adventures on the Normandy, Solana took the crew out to give them a tour of Cipritine after Tali had completed her meeting. Palaven had never seen such a rag-tag group: a turian, a quarian, a salarian, a krogan, a drell, and a human. But everyone except for Zaeed had never been to the turian home world, and all of them seemed impressed by it. Grunt had even commented that he hoped that Tuchanka would be as impressive as Palaven.

 

Halfway through the day, Garrus received a message from Shepard.

 

_G,_

_Hope you're taking care of the family -- both your turian family and your Normandy family! Finished up on Alchera last night and almost at Aratoht._

_Say hi to everyone for me. Make sure someone brings me back a Cipritine t-shirt._

_Z._

_P.S.  Joker just said that he wants a Cipritine hat to match my shirt. Can't tell if he's serious or not._

 

Solana insisted they went home to check on Garrus and her mother, and when she found her mother sleeping restfully with Garrus working on his omni-tool at her bedside she forced him to go out with the crew for a few hours. He reluctantly obliged and took the crew to a tourist shop in the centre of the city, where everyone ended up picking up various cheesy baubles to tuck under their enviro suits. He fulfilled Shepard's wishes and picked up a Cipritine t-shirt and hat.

 

They met back up with Solana and his mother at home, and Solana and Tali worked together to whip up a feast. He had never seen the crew happier than when they sat together in a circle at the Vakarian table, pounding back drinks and exchanging stories about life before the Normandy, and occasional ones about life on the Normandy. He learned that Tali had quite fallen for a quarian by the name of Kal'Reegar on the flotilla; Thane had a son, Kolyat, and fascinating stories of his assassinations which he could recall with precise detail; Zaeed had more tales about fighting and mercenary work than anyone he had met before; Mordin had seen many interesting ailments and missions during his years; and Grunt was both an excellent drinker and full of snide comments.

 

The following day started very late after the rowdy evening, so the crew gathered in the Vakarian family room to relax and watch vids. Even Tallia Vakarian joined them, enjoying the colours and lights more than the stories. "They'll make a vid about all of you one day," she said, her smile blissful.

 

Since he hadn't heard from her that day, Garrus shot Shepard a message in the evening. When he still hadn't heard from her the following day, he sent a message to Joker.

 

_Joker,_

_Any word on our Commander? It's been over 48 so I want to make sure all is OK._

_Garrus._

 

Midway through the day, while the crew was in the backyard playing a human sport Zaeed called 'volleyball', Garrus's omni-tool pinged.

 

_Vakarian,_

_WHY DID YOU HAVE TO LEAVE ME WITH TEAM BORING? Miranda and EDI have been bothering me about my flight reports non-stop, Jacob just walks around the ship grunting, Samara yelled that I was interrupting her meditating when I offered her lunch, and I haven't seen Kasumi once._

_I guess that's why she's such a good thief._

_Anyways, no word yet from the Commander. She'll be fine though, you know Shep, indestructible and all. Maybe I could swing by and pick you guys up early?_

_Miss you <3,_

_Joker_

 

Garrus laughed loudly, feeling a renewed admiration for the pilot's sense of humour, and showed the rest of the crew the message before sending Joker a response.

 

_Joker,_

_Sorry for stealing Team Interesting from you. Just to warn you, those will be our team names at the next Skyllian Five tournament, and Team Interesting gets Shepard._

_Speaking of, I'd rather you wait for her; you know Shepard and she could need an emergency pickup after she blows up the planet._

_See you soon boo,_

_Garrus_

 

He couldn't help but tease the pilot with a pet name. Even though he missed Joker, Shepard, and the rest of the crew, it had been years since he had been as relaxed as he felt on Palaven. And Joker was right -- Shepard was indestructible, he had no need to worry about her.

 

The following evening, after a day full of vids, various species' sports, and card games, Garrus finally received a message from Shepard.

 

_G,_

_Aratoht was an absolute disaster. We're on our way, EDI says our estimated ETA is 2130 your time._

_See you then._

_Z._

 

He felt a spike of nerves at the pit of his stomach. He hadn't forgotten the agreement he made with himself back on the ship.

 

The Normandy had become his home now, but he would miss Palaven. He was extremely grateful for the time with his mother and sister. Although his mother still couldn't remember who he was, Solana said that his time at home had been the healthiest she had seen her in months. But he knew that duty called; the Collectors were still very real. The rest of the crew had business they wanted Shepard's help with as well, and after spending so much time bonding with the crew members, he wanted to be there to assist in what ways he could.

 

At 2030 hours, after another feast and with a heart as full as his stomach, Garrus touched his forehead to his mother and his sister before departing. Smiles were bright on all of their faces. The Normandy was early and waiting for him when they arrived at the port; Shepard was standing by the air lock waiting for everyone to come in, exchanging handshakes and hugs with the ground crew returning to the ship.

 

Garrus was the last one back on the ship, shouting "missed you Boo!" to Joker as he passed the cockpit.

 

"How was home?" Shepard asked him as they walked through the CIC.

 

"Incredible. I wish you could have been there. Aratoht was terrible?"

 

"Have tea with me in the mess and I'll tell you all about it."

 

He followed her to the mess, where she bustled around, making dextro and levo tea and a plate of biscuits for herself. While she did, she inquired about everyone's experience on Palaven, as well as Garrus's family. When he finished answering her questions, he inquired, "What happened at Aratoht?"

 

"Well, I prevented the Reapers invading today, but I sentenced 300,000 batarians to death. I threw my entire moral code out the window to hold the Reapers back for just a while longer. It was a fucking disaster."

 

Garrus raised a brow plate at her over his mug. "Go on."

 

She proceeded to explain how she saved Doctor Kenson from the slavers before going to the Project base. Kenson showed her Project Rho before revealing her indoctrination and knocking Shepard out in a fight. She awoke two days later to find that the Reapers were only hours away from invading, so she fought her way through until she activated the Project and sent the asteroid into the Alpha Relay.

 

"So, clearly, I'm glad that I stopped the Reapers from invading..." she checked her watch, "six hours ago, but I have the weight of so many innocent colonists on my shoulders."

 

"You did what you had to, Shepard. Those colonists would have died anyways the minute the Reapers came through."

 

She sighed. "I understand, but it doesn't make it any easier to accept."

 

"If it makes you feel any better, I brought you back a shirt." He reached into his bag and pulled out the oversized white t-shirt, which read: 'My friend went to Cipritine, and all he brought me back was this lousy shirt'.

 

She threw it on over her civvies. It had a neckline fit for a cowl, so it was very oversized, but she still treasured the gift from Garrus. "It's a terrible cliché, but thank you."

 

"I got this hat for Joker. What do you think?" He held out a blue baseball cap, which read 'I love turians'.

 

"It's awful; he's going to hate it. I'm amazed you even found these things."

 

"Who's going to hate what?"

 

Joker was limping into the mess, an empty mug in his hands.

 

"I got you a gift on Palaven!" Garrus stood, removing Joker's SR-2 hat and replacing it with the new one.

 

Joker took the hat off and glared at it with his lip curled. "I'm going to have to get you back for this, Vakarian."

 

"I look forward to it."

 

The ping of Shepard's omni-tool interrupted the joking of the two men. She let out a long sigh. "Duty calls, Tali needs to speak with me. We all have jobs to do, let's get to them."


	25. Intermission

They had just left the Citadel, and a slightly surprised Shepard was making her way to the Starboard Cargo Area, a wrapped package in her hands.

 

Attempting to be as polite as possible, she knocked on the door and heard Zaeed's voice grumble "come in".

 

The mercenary was leaning casually against a wall in the back of the room, glancing over a datapad with disinterest. "Zaeed, I received a package for you on the Citadel from a Megan Massani."

 

He looked up at her quickly, his interest clearly peaked. "Mum?" He approached her and took the package from her hands, his gaze unusually tender.

 

"It was my birthday just after we left Omega. She... remembered." His voice was softer than she had ever heard it before.

 

"Well, open it!"

 

Not wanting to disrupt even the paper, he carefully removed each piece of omni-tape and made sure to open the box without damaging it. He pushed apart packing peanuts to reveal two gifts: a set of wooly socks and a charm in the shape of a fox. Shepard didn't understand the significance of the trinkets, but she saw Zaeed's eyes become red and moist.

 

"Oh, mum..." he muttered. ”Someone's cutting... guddamn onions..." He turned away from Shepard. "I need to check the surveillance videos. See you around, Shepard?"

  
A faint smile touched her lips at the sight of the hard-as-nails mercenary going soft. "Yeah Zaeed, see you around."


	26. Chapter Twenty-One

 

 

Green Eyes - Coldplay

 

Shepard sat in her private quarters, letting out a long sigh as she gazed at her mission reports. She was absolutely overwhelmed by the sheer amount of missions that needed completion before she could even think of approaching the Omega-4 relay. Her focus was on ensuring that her team was at their best, and she hoped that the foray to Palaven had achieved the required rest for many, Garrus included. But she still could feel tension among most of the team, primarily those with unresolved issues that they wanted to address before they made the jump. Her primary concern when organizing the trip to Palaven was to make sure that Garrus was ready, but now she was concerned that no one else would be.

 

She pulled up a small galaxy map on her omni tool to chart their most efficient route. Today they had travelled back to the Citadel to assist Thane with Kolyat, and she could see that Tuchanka was the next logical step. Perhaps Pragia after, and then onwards to the fleet? What about helping Liara with the Shadow Broker? And when would they go to the derelict Reaper to collect the IFF?

 

Her train of thought was interrupted by a ping from her omni-tool.

 

_Z,_

_You busy?_

_G._

 

That was interesting. It was exceedingly late in the evening, 0130 hours to be exact, and Shepard had expected herself to be the only ground crew member awake. Her night terrors were coming with more frequency and intensity, and she was beginning to fear sleep with the knowledge of their inevitability. So she would often stay up late into the evening, either working, training, or exercising.

 

Perhaps she wasn't the only one with nightmares.

 

_G.,_

_Never busy for you. What are you doing up, anyways?_

_Z._

 

His response took longer than expected, so she returned to her work. After fifteen minutes when she assumed he fell asleep, her omni-tool let out another blissful ping.

 

_Z,_

_Do you want the honest answer or the soldier's answer?_

_G._

 

She laughed gently as she punched in her response.

 

_G,_

_Honest one!_

_Z._

 

For reasons she couldn't describe, she had a very good feeling about this. She decided to abandon her work for the moment and lied down in bed, staring at her omni-tool and waiting for the incoming message.

 

_Z,_

_It's about to get really honest here. You sure you're ready for it?_

_G._

 

_G,_

_You're killing me, just hurry up and tell me!_

_Z._

 

Another long break before the next message. The normally patient woman was growing extremely impatient.

 

Was this how it felt to have real feelings for someone? To be so eager to hear from them?

 

_Z,_

_I have a gift for you. I know your cabin is pretty strictly off limits, but can I come up to give it to you?_

_G._

 

_G,_

_Give me five, and then come right up._

_Z._

 

She sat up quickly. She looked awful; she was in her most tattered civvies, her hair was a mess, and she hadn't brushed her teeth yet. She quickly ran to the bathroom to run her hair under the tap, wash her face, and brush her teeth. She then ran out of the bathroom, changed quickly, and sat back at her desk, trying to give the appearance of being busy at work.

 

Exactly five minutes later, her stomach performed a back flip when she heard a buzz at her door.

 

"Come in," she said, startled to find her voice shaking.

 

"The door's locked."

 

She laughed at herself for her obvious oversight. She jogged to the door, closed her eyes, took a deep breath, and opened it.

 

Garrus stood before her, looking so effortlessly handsome that it took her breath away. She loved his imposing height and the way that he looked down at her with his steely blue eyes, the way that his mandibles fluttered into a smile. He was holding a rather large brown box firmly in his gloved hands. She realized that she had never seen him without his gloves, but she was aware of the turian taloned fingers.

 

In fact, it was one of the few things about turian physiology that she knew. She was familiar with some of the basics, but she felt a pang at the pit of her stomach at the realization that she didn't even know if the two of them would be compatible.

 

Didn't mean that she wouldn't damn well try.

 

"May I come in?" he asked, breaking the silence.

 

"Yes, please, make yourself at home. I have to admit I don't have any dextro-friendly drinks at the moment, but I'd be happy to run to the mess to grab you something."

 

"Don't be silly. And stop worrying so much, it's not a bomb in the box, I promise."

 

"Why did you think I was worrying?" she asked as she shut the door and followed him down to the couches in her quarters.

 

He tapped his visor with one of his talons. "The visor tells all. Vitals included. I could see your heart rate rising."

 

"Right." She felt foolish for even asking. "So, if it's not a bomb, what is in the box?"

 

He held it out to her, a wry smile on his face. "Open it and find out."

 

She raised an eyebrow at him before taking it from his hands, their fingers brushing in the process. She placed it tenderly on her lap, finding it to be surprisingly light for its size, and began to slowly open it.

 

When she realized what it was she let out a gasp, covering her mouth with her hands, and almost dropped it.

 

"How did you find this?" she whispered breathlessly. She was shaking like a leaf when she pulled it slowly from the box.

 

"After you... died..." he sighed. "After I found out that the Normandy had crashed on Alchera, I put out some feelers to see if any of your effects were found with your body. A drell by the name of Feron returned my transmission, saying that he and an unnamed asari found this.

 

"As soon as he told me what it was, I knew I had to have it. Do you remember on the SR-1 how you had that tiny office with just a cot in it?"

 

"How could I forget?"

 

"I remember, whenever I'd go up to the mess, I'd see you in that office and I'd hear the most beautiful music coming from it. On one occasion, I saw you use this to control the music. It seemed so archaic to watch you pick up those large black disks and turn them over, but you looked so happy when you did it."

 

"Humans call it a record player,” she said, running her fingers over it tenderly. “The technology is archaic -- from the twentieth century, to be precise -- but I always loved it for that reason. It was the original method that people used to bring music into their lives. My dad handed it down to me when I went off to basic, along with all of these records. It's one of my most prized possessions, and you found it for me." Her throat became constricted and her eyes burned, but she refused to allow herself to cry. "This means so much to me. I can't thank you enough."

 

"Can we test it?"

 

She grinned at him. "I'd love to. Let me show you how it works."

 

She set it up on her small table beside her bed. It was miraculous that her record player and collection had survived the crash, but her quarters had been close to the central area of the ship and could have avoided damaged accordingly.

 

"Put on this one, please."

 

She was surprised to see him pick a particular record, but accepted his request. "It's pretty easy to use," she explained. "You gently hold the sides of the record -- not the middle -- and place it right in the centre. You then start spinning the record -- press that switch there -- and then making sure the cover is off the needle, you place the arm over the very outer part of the record, and then lower the arm."

 

Only the sound of crackling was heard briefly before a melodic guitar began to play, and the slow beat filled and warmed up the room.

 

"Oops," she giggled. "It's been so long since I've used this I started the wrong side."

 

"Wait, I like this song." He felt his heart pounding in his chest. "Zoey, I know we've danced together before, and it may not have been the prettiest sight, but..." He held his hand out for her. "Will you dance with me again?"

 

Now Shepard's heart was the one which was pounding as she took his hand, feeling the warmth radiate underneath the gloves. "I'd love to, but perhaps we can be classier this time."

 

He pulled her close to him, resting his hand on her waist. Spirits, he couldn't imagine how soft her skin would feel. Her muscles were strong but her curves felt delicate, and he craved to feel more of her body.

 

She rested her hand on his shoulder, sending a spike of electricity through his body.

 

_Honey you are a rock, upon which I stand._

 

A girlish giggle escaped Shepard's lips that this was the song that played. A song about a man who found a woman, and she took away so many of his worries.

 

"I have to ask, Garrus. Why did you search for my personal effects after I died?"

 

He paused for a long moment, contemplating what would be appropriate for him to reveal. "When you died, Zoey, I was very lost. Following you was the first time in a long time I had made a decision for myself; and here you were, this woman who was so strong and sure of herself, I knew that being on your ship was the right thing to do. Leaving it to pursue abject dreams of becoming a Spectre was an absolutely foolish decision.

 

"Tali was the one who got me on the right track. She told me that you would have wanted to see me helping those in need, so that's what I did. But I felt like I needed part of you there for guidance, and you always seemed so sure of yourself after you listened to music.

 

"So, after Feron found that for me, I listened to each of the records whenever I could. This music... it affects the soul in ways I can't explain, and it helped me through a lot of difficult times. Certain records -- such as this one -- stood out to me more than others, and reminded me of you more than others, which is why I wanted you to play it."

 

"You knew how to play it the whole time, you scoundrel!"

 

"You caught me. I just enjoy listening to you talk."

 

_I came here with a load, and it feels so much lighter since I've met you._

 

All of her barriers fell at that moment. No longer was she concerned about the fact that he was a turian and she was a human, nor the fact that she was a commander and he a soldier. Nothing mattered but the fact that she cared about him, deeply, and she needed him to know.

 

She stopped, grabbed his face in her hands, and pressed her lips to his hard plates.

 

As soon as she did, it felt like fireworks were going off in her heart. He felt wonderful --  hard, but warm, and he wrapped both of his arms around her to pull her in close to his body.

 

He had never been kissed before, but her soft lips felt sublime. He wanted to hold her tight and kiss her for every moment for the rest of his life. He had no idea humans could feel so perfect, so soft and warm and wonderful.

 

After what felt like an eternity, Garrus finally pulled away from the kiss and rested his forehead on hers, closing his eyes.

 

"I've wanted this for a very long time, Zoey." His subvocals purred, sending shivers up her spine.

 

"I did too, Garrus, it just took me a long time to admit it to myself."

 

He chuckled gently, once again sending a shock of electricity down her body. She had never heard his subvocals reflect such absolute content, and it sounded better than any music she had ever heard.

 

They embraced each other for a long time, just enjoying the warmth. Garrus ran his talons slowly up and down her back, loving the feel of the curve of her spine.

 

As the quiet _ba-dump_ of a record side ending resonated, Zoey said, "I hate to end this, Garrus, but we should both get some rest. We have a lot of work ahead of us."

 

"Zoey, we need to do everything we can for these people. They're a great crew, and deserve your help with closure."

 

"I couldn't agree more. Get some sleep, I'm going to have EDI set course for Tuchanka, and we need to rest to face the krogans."

 

He closed his eyes and pressed his mouth plates to her forehead, breathing her in. She smelled perfect: sweet and floral, but deep down he could detect gasoline and a metallic smell. The smell of a woman who worked hard.

 

He gave her hand a squeeze before he left. "I'll see you tomorrow."

 

As soon as the door shut behind him, Zoey fell backwards onto her bed and let out a long, happy sigh. The way she felt when he kissed her made her indescribably happy. It was like there was a part of her that had remained dormant until that moment, and now it had woken up, and was hungry for more.

 

As she changed into more comfortable clothes, her omni-tool pinged.

 

_Z,_

_I was just thinking. I feel no need to make everyone on the ship incredibly jealous, so I think we should keep this on the down low for now. Don't need anyone murdering me in my sleep._

_Sleep well._

_G._

 

_G,_

_Good idea. Except I'm sure that I'm the one who would have to be wary of murder._

_Sweet dreams._

_Z._

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I've been looking forward to this chapter for a long time, so I hope you enjoy it as well! The song I chose is very sweet and romantic and I would highly recommend listening to it.
> 
> Thank you for reading, see you on Monday!


	27. Chapter Twenty-Two

Perfectly Aligned - Milo Greene

 

Shepard woke screaming.

 

She had the same night terror as always, but this time, Sovereign killed Garrus.

 

_You will love him. We will destroy him._

 

She shook her head over and over, trying to clear the image of holding Garrus dead in her arms, but it wouldn't pass. She needed to see him alive, now.

 

She picked up her omni-tool, surprised to find that he had already sent her a message. She was even more surprised to see that it was 0800 hours already, meaning that the night terrors had at least given her a decent night's sleep before they hit.

 

_Z,_

_Good morning sunshine. Breakfast is in the fridge for you. Come see me before we land on Tuchanka._

_G._

 

She smiled widely and jumped out of bed. The message had only been sent out fifteen minutes prior, and it was the perfect reminder to her that not only was Garrus alive and well, but everything that had happened last night was _real_.

 

Teeth brushed, hair thrown in a bun, and sweat-proof civvies equipped, she headed down to the mess. She gasped when she opened the fridge: there was a plate full of brightly coloured, fresh fruit with her name on it. Strawberries, grapes, raspberries, pineapple, apple... Real fruit, not the genmod crap with which she was so familiar.

 

She wrapped her mouth around a strawberry and took a slow bite, savouring the juicy sweetness. Spending most of her life on spaceships, Shepard rarely ate real fruit, and it was incredible. Not caring where Garrus acquired it, she savoured the whole plate, enjoying every sweet and tangy bite.

 

After she regretfully ate the last raspberry and put her plate in the sink, she made her way to the battery, trying to look as casual as possible while wanting to run the whole way.

 

Garrus was at work at the console, as usual.

 

"Shepard, what can I do for you?"

 

As soon as the door closed behind her, with a wicked grin on her face Shepard grabbed tight onto his armoured cowl and pulled him in for a kiss, reveling in his salty taste.

 

He pressed against her lips with his tongue, so she let out a soft sigh and allowed his tongue to meet with hers and they danced together, rough and narrow with thick and smooth. He grabbed onto her lower back and pulled her in tighter, a bit roughly, and she felt something stirring between her hips that had been dormant for as long as she could remember.

 

She wanted him. She craved him. She never wanted to let him go.

 

But eventually she did, knowing that suspicions would rise if they stayed alone in the battery for too long. She was very aware that things between them were young and fresh, and she wasn't prepared for dealing with a very friendly crew's questions.

 

So she placed her hands on his hard chest and pushed him gently away before looking up into his eyes and smiling.

 

"I was hoping we could spend some time together before Tuchanka," she said.

 

He looked her up and down, his eyes hungry. "Well, you seem to be suited up for exercise, which wasn't exactly what I had in mind...."

 

She held a finger to his mouth. "Not now. We have to be normal people for now. I was hoping to get some exercising in, but I have to check the thrusters on the transport before we head down, the right one keeps cutting out and I almost crash landed on Aratoht."

 

"Is that just because you're a terrible driver?"

 

She turned to face the door. "See this ass? You ever want it, you stop calling me a bad driver."

 

He raised a brow plate at her. "So you want me to lie?"

 

"Get your ass in the cargo bay, soldier, before I make you do fifty pushups in punishment."

 

"Yes ma'am!"

 

Taking a deep breath, Shepard composed herself to hide the wide grin on her face before they walked past Miranda, Grunt, Engineer Donnelly, and Mordin, who were having a very quiet breakfast together in the mess.

 

As soon as the elevators closed, discretion was forfeit, and they were kissing again.

 

"No need to be concerned, your secret is safe with me."

 

"EDI!" Shepard growled, pulling away from Garrus. "Have you been watching us?"

 

"I am the ship; I cannot change what I see."

 

"AIs are nothing but trouble."

 

The two spent an hour exercising, but Garrus couldn't help but watch her the whole time. The fluidity of the muscles in her body working in unison, the sheer strength that came out of such a small body... her whole form was incredible.

 

Although there were no overweight turians, he had seen overweight humans before, and it was a highly unattractive sight. But Zoey worked to the exact opposite, her muscles gently defined beneath her porcelain skin, not an ounce of fat to be found on her body. The only parts of her that moved when she jogged were the two perfect, round bundles on her chest, and the smaller lumps below her back. He didn't know the human word for them, but he liked them already.

 

Taylor entered the cargo bay halfway through their workout, and after he and Shepard made polite small talk, she excused herself to work on the transport. To prevent questions, Garrus continued to weight lift, pretending to be enthralled in the vid playing before him but with his mind entirely on Zoey Shepard.

 

He snuck a glance over at her, and felt his heart rate increase. She was in her most natural habitat: on a creeper, with her hair pulled up out of the way, grease covering her hands and a streak of oil on her face. He heard her curse faintly and switch out her ratchet for a hammer, her brow furrowed in frustration as she smacked the thruster. He had never seen a woman look so perfect, and she was his.

 

He found himself needing a cold shower, so he bid goodbye to Jacob and left the cargo bay, wanting time to go as quickly as possible so he could be on the ground with Shepard again.

 

\--

 

"Shepard," Wrex's deep voice resonated through the chamber, though he kept it low. "I just heard from the shaman that he received a breeding request for you from our mechanic. You know anything about this?"

 

Shepard emitted a pealing laugh. "He thought he needed a combustion manifold to fix the Tomkah. All he needed to do was a little bit of electrical work! Just reroute the port exhaust through to the secondary crankshaft and you can bypass the need for a combustion manifold entirely."

 

Wrex grunted. "I knew that I should have made you a member of Clan Urdnot long ago, Shepard. You'd make a better mechanic than that pyjak."

 

"Oh please, Wrex, how would I be able to have such fun taking down Collectors if I was stuck here taking on thresher maws all the time?" She cocked her head sideways. "You sure you can't come with me, Wrex?"

 

"I need to be with my people, Shepard. Clan Urdnot is on the way to doing great things. Accepting Urdnot Grunt into it is one of them."

 

"See you soon then, Wrex. Keep in touch."

 

It had been a highly productive day. Finding Maelon, saving both him and his research, and completing Grunt's rite was tiring business, and Shepard was dreaming of a warm shower and a soft bed.

 

Grunt stayed back to exchange a few last words with the shaman. As they walked back to the ship, Garrus whispered into Shepard's ear, "You looked incredibly sexy fixing that Tomkah."

 

She looked behind her to catch him staring at her ass. "Didn't know fixing tanks was so sexy."

 

"To me it is."

 

"Well, scars are sexy to me." She smiled at him wryly before leaning in so her mouth was as close to his ear as possible. She whispered in her most husky voice, "Come up to my quarters at 0030 hours, after everyone has gone to bed."

 

His eyes went wide and he stared into space, nodding faintly. Shepard left him standing and turned to grab Grunt and head back to the ship.

 

\--

 

"EDI, what's our ETA to Pragia?"

 

"We're expected to arrive at 0715 hours ship time, Commander."

 

"Thank you, EDI."

 

"Logging you out, Shepard."

 

Shepard sat at her desk, reviewing her messages at her private terminal while eating a pasta dinner. But regardless of the importance of the messages, only one thing was consistently passing through her mind: sex.

 

Her sex experience was limited, and she had never been with anyone but humans. The turian form and mating ritual was different from humans: rawer and primal, more dutiful in a fashion.

 

She wanted Garrus, it was undeniable. When he touched her, when he kissed her, it awoke an absolute desire for him within her. But humans and turians were very different. When she and Garrus were together, completely exposed, what would happen? Would they still be attracted to each other? Should it even matter, if they cared about each other?

 

She sighed, tentatively closed her messages and began to research turian-human relationships; however, the extranet was surprisingly uninformative on that particular topic. She suddenly felt incredibly foolish for her complete lack of knowledge. Human-turian relationships were uncommon, but not unheard of. More and more humans were engaging in interspecies relationships, yet she knew no one in one who would be able to provide her some guidance.

 

Help was needed. But who?

 

She began pacing. Could she talk to Miranda? No, that woman had love problems of her own. Tali? Seemed like a sensible option, since she trusted her, but she was in no rush to remind her how far away from Kal that she was. Jack? If she wanted to learn how to tie him up she would be perfect. Samara? As a justicar, Shepard didn't know if she even engaged in romantic endeavours. She needed someone who wouldn't look at it emotionally, but strictly medically. Someone who would have a patient confidentiality agreement.

 

Mordin.

 

\--

 

_Scientific Log of Doctor Mordin Solus_

_Entry 15,942 -- Normandy time 2215 hours August 4, 2185_

_Shepard was in lab today. Confirmed suspicions of relationship with Vakarian._

_Starting new study: interspecies relationships. Advised Shepard to take dose of Dextromoxicillian to prevent infection. Interested in sociological ramifications of relationship. Will cause interesting reaction among hierarchy. Concerned about Shepard due to Garrus mortality and upcoming suicide mission. Will do best to keep Garrus safe._

_Happy for Shepard and Garrus. Good couple. Would not want to come between them for risk of serious injury or death._

 

_Scientific Log of Doctor Mordin Solus_

_Entry 15,945 -- Normandy time 2330 hours August 4, 2185_

_Vakarian came into lab today. Requesting same assistance as Shepard. Sent appropriate vids to terminal._

_Curious similarities between two. Both strong-willed, eager, compassionate, showing leadership capabilities. Will continue to monitor._

 

\--

 

_How on Earth does she have the flexibility to do that?_

 

Shepard was watching one of the vids that Mordin sent to her terminal, and it was both enlightening and quite scary. She was grateful for the glimpse for what was coming, but she was coming to realize that she didn't know if she was ready.

 

Well, she would have to be ready at some point, or at least before they jumped through the Omega-4 relay. She wasn't going to risk losing her chance to make love to the first man she had cared about so deeply, but she wanted to make sure she was absolutely prepared so the whole experience wasn't a disaster.

 

So she pulled out her omni-tool and began taking notes.

 

_Turian sensitive spots are at their fringe and their waist... Due to hard plates, 90 degree angles of entry are most recommended... Turian mating rituals often have the pair facing away from each other... Lubrication will be required to prevent chafing and friction burn... Sexual organs between two species are similar and compatible, as long as the correct positions are used..._

 

She leaned back in her chair and closed her eyes, envisioning Garrus and herself in place of the turian and the human in the vid. She had never seen a naked turian before that vid, but the turian form had a certain beauty to it. It looked harder and more yielding than the human form, but the way that his corded muscles rippled and the feral growl that had escaped his lips as he mated with the human was incredibly sexy.

 

To her, Garrus's voice was one of his sexiest features. She had grown to love the dual-toned flange in his voice and the way that he expressed himself through his subharmonics. Turians seemed to be more primal in their urges, and she focused her mind on the thought of Garrus slamming her against the bed, his subharmonics purring as he tore apart her clothes with his talons...

 

She jumped out of her seat when the door to her cabin buzzed. Her face was hot, and she felt embarrassed to realize that she was wet. Shaking her head to clear it, she opened the door to find the turian from her fantasy leaning against the door nonchalantly, a highly devious expression on his face.

 

"Shepard," he growled, his voice taking her breath away.

 

She composed herself as well as she could. If Garrus was going to use these turian seduction techniques on her, she would use human seduction techniques on him.

 

Straightening her posture, she used her sexiest voice possible. "Vakarian." Disposing of formalities, she turned and walked into the apartment, swinging her hips as much as possible. She pulled her hair out of the elastic to let it fall down her back, causing Garrus to let out an audible growl.

 

As soon as she turned to face him to let out a wisecrack remark, his hands were on her hips and he was pulling her to him closely, kissing her hungrily. She let out a soft moan and parted her lips, craving the feeling of his rough tongue against her own. She reached up to softly stroke his fringe and felt his body shiver and his breath quickly escape his lips.

 

Fuck, he was sexy.

 

Regardless of how badly she wanted him, she wanted even more to wait. So after a long period of kissing, she gently rested her hands on his chest again to push him away.

 

"I enjoy kissing you very much," she began, gazing at him with smoldering eyes. "But I don't want to rush this. I want to savour every moment of this. And there are so many things I don't know about you yet, Garrus, which I'd like to learn. Do you mind if we just stay up and talk for a while tonight?"

 

His mandibles flickered into a smile. "Of course." He parted from her and took a seat on her couch, but patted his legs to indicate for her to sit on his lap, which she happily obliged to do. She nestled her head into the spot between his cowl and his mandible, surprised to find that it was a perfect fit.

 

The two stayed awake for hours. He gave her a brief history of his early life, from causing trouble in his early years to his poor grades in his language classes, while she discussed her own youth. They were so absorbed in their conversation that they completely lost track of time, and when 0230 hit Shepard forced him to go to bed so that she could rest for Pragia tomorrow.

 

"I hope you don't mind that I want to take Tali along on the mission with me," she said, as they approached the door to her cabin. "It'll be refreshing to have her back on my team."

 

"I don't mind at all. It just means I get to sleep in tomorrow." He laughed gently before turning around to plant a gentle kiss on her forehead. "Take care of those two; I'll see you tomorrow after this mission."

 

As he walked away, she grabbed his arm to pull him back to give him another long, slow kiss. "Sleep well."

 

"Sweet dreams."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Happy Monday everyone! Just a little notification that this upcoming weekend is a bizarre Canadian long weekend by the name of Family Day (for those who aren't familiar with Canadian holidays: they made it up to have a long weekend in February. I kid you not!). Therefore, the schedule for the next two weeks will be changing: this week will be Monday-Wednesday-Thursday, next week will be Tuesday-Wednesday-Friday. Thank you for reading and love you all <3


	28. Chapter Twenty-Three

 

Words and Fire - Sam Roberts

 

"Can I look yet?"

 

"Not yet, keep your eyes closed for just a bit longer."

 

Garrus's hands were resting on her shoulders as he directed her into her cabin, her eyes remaining dutifully squeezed shut. Shepard had been working non-stop for the week: they had placed the bomb in the facility on Pragia, retrieved Keiji's greybox for Kasumi on Bekenstein, found and killed Samara's daughter Morinth, and helped Liara take down the yahg Shadow Broker to become the new Shadow Broker.

 

_"Do you want peace for Garrus?" Liara asked her._

_"I've dragged him through war for too long. He deserves peace."_

_"You deserve peace too, Shepard."_

_"After everything Cerberus has done to me, Liara, I don't think I'll ever truly find it."_

 

Both Shepard and Garrus had barely slept as they dashed across the galaxy. Tomorrow they were heading to the derelict Reaper to obtain the IFF, and Garrus had planned a relaxing evening for Zoey to help her rest and regain energy for the daunting mission ahead of them.

 

"Ok, Zoey, you can look."

 

Her hands flew to her mouth as she let out an involuntary gasp. Before her was a small bistro table, set with two lavish meals and a bottle of white wine, a row of candles set at the centre of the table. The rest of the lighting had been dimmed.

 

"Oh Garrus," she muttered. "How did you find all of this?"

 

"Liara helped me out a little." He pulled out her chair for her, and pushed it back in after she took her seat. "I've been doing my research on human chivalry and romantic gestures, I hope this is suitable."

 

"It's beautiful." She placed her napkin on her lap as Garrus poured her a glass of wine.

 

"I know how stressful that things have been for you, so I'm hoping a little relaxation will be just what you need."

 

His time with Zoey had been wonderful. They kissed each other at every opportunity where they were alone -- even in elevators or inside the ground transport -- and they often stayed up late into the night talking. He had learned so much about her, and everything she told him fascinated him even more. It was clear that she was an extraordinary woman, and deserved every bit of praise she had been given over her years. She told him stories after stories of going above and beyond her duty, and exhibiting incredible acts of heroism to save every person that she could. After her sister's death, one would have expected her to be racist against batarians, but it was the exact opposite: she believed every being to be equal, and was just as likely to save a human as a batarian or a volus. She did everything with such conviction, it only made sense that she had such a natural gravitational pull to her teammates.

 

He was grateful to learn so much about her, of course, but there was a constant issue nagging at the back of his mind: intimacy. They would kiss, grow close, become aroused, and then she would pull away, telling him she wanted to wait a while longer. He was in no rush -- perhaps it was human custom to wait for intercourse -- but he couldn't help but take cues that she wanted it but had something holding her back. His will was strong, but his sexual tension was high, and he needed release. After their nightly visits, he would retreat to his cot in the main battery to take care of himself before falling into a restless sleep, but nothing could equal the touch of another person. The touch of Zoey Shepard.

 

_Be a gentleman, Vakarian. You've been waiting for this for a long time. Don't mess it up by being overeager._

 

So they ate their meal peacefully, a classical album playing on the record player. He was happy to notice that she seemed to be thoroughly enjoying the meal, and he brought out a chocolate cake for her for dessert, which she devoured.

 

After the meal, he told her to take a long, warm shower, having purchased a new set of floral-smelling bath products and flannel pyjamas for her on Illium which were waiting for her in the bathroom. Liara had told him that human women enjoyed both rituals, which he found strange but stored in his memory banks for the future. While she was in the shower he poured her another glass of wine while setting up a vid for them to watch.

 

Shepard emerged from the shower, a sublime smile on her face. "That felt amazing. And these pyjamas! So warm and soft. I'll have to send my compliments to Liara."

 

He handed her the glass of wine and she took a long sip. "Being the Shadow Broker will have shopping advantages, I'm sure. But I'm not done with you yet. You're about to receive something few humans have: a turian massage."

 

She almost jogged to the bed in excitement. Non-medical massages were few and far between in her lifetime, but she always loved them. She lied face down on the bed and Garrus climbed on top of her, cautious not to rest too much of his weight on her. He gently ran his talons up and down her back several times before beginning to work out the knots along her back. It was no surprise to feel that amount of tension that accumulated in her muscles.

 

Although there was normally a certain amount of pain with a firm massage, Garrus had a knack for attacking each of the knots slowly and tenderly, gently working out the tension.

 

"Is it easier for you if my shirt is out of the way?"

 

He audibly swallowed the lump in his throat. "It'll make it easier for me to work the knots out, yes."

 

She pulled herself out from underneath him so that her back was to him and unbuttoned her top, letting it slowly slide off of her shoulders to reveal her bare back.

 

Garrus's breathing increased in speed, and he withheld a groan at the pressure that was developing in his plates between his legs. Her back was magnificent; simple but perfect, her skin milky and her spine carving a delicate curve down her back. As she sat, he tenderly ran his talons over every line, feeling her shoulders, ribs, spine, and lower back. Her skin was as smooth as silk and softer than anything he could have imagined. "Lie back down," he whispered. More than anything he wanted her to turn around so he could catch his first glimpse of the human -- what was the word, breast? -- but he was patient.

 

She returned to her position on her stomach and he continued to work his knuckles into her muscles. He could feel her whole body relax, and his visor showed a decrease in heart rate and blood pressure. When he reached a very tense spot she would emit a quiet moan, increasing the pressure on his plates each time until it was almost painful.

 

Although relaxed by the massage, Shepard's mind was reeling. Garrus wanted her, and she knew it. It was the first time he had gotten a glimpse of a new body part, and she could feel his hungry eyes on her skin when her shirt slid off. She wanted him, too, but he had a right to know what had been holding her back.

 

Eventually his hands slowed down and he started to simply run his talons over her skin. He took his weight away from her and she sat up, wordlessly turning to face him.

 

His jaw dropped at the stunning sight of her upper body. Her hips were wide and supportive, her waist thin and supple. His eyes trailed to a tiny hole at the centre of her stomach, her muscles in the area well-defined. He swallowed when his eyes rested on her breasts, two perfectly round mounds of flesh centred with tiny, pink circles.

 

"May I?" he muttered, pulling his gaze away from her chest to look into her eyes.

 

She let out a girlish giggle. "Go ahead."

 

He closed his eyes and reached out to touch her breasts, the skin covering them even more thin and soft than her back. He ran a thumb over a tiny pink nub, letting out a gasp and pulling away when he watched it go hard under his taloned finger.

 

"It's ok," she said in her most soothing tone. "It's my body's way of saying that it enjoys what you're doing."

 

He continued to run his fingers over her whole body, savouring the feel of her skin. He could feel her grow progressively more tense under his touch.

 

"Do you want me to stop?"

 

Full of sadness, her gaze fell. "There's something you should know, Garrus."

 

Despite his desires, he stopped and stared straight into her eyes to show that she had his full attention.

 

"I've... had a rather lonely life, Garrus. I've always had my family and my friends, but I've focused myself solely on my career and developing myself as a person." She sighed. "As a result, I've never been in a serious relationship. I've never... cared about anyone this way, and I've never been with a turian before and although I--"

 

Her sentence was cut off as Garrus pulled her body close to his in a tight embrace. "Zoey, I care about you very much too, and I will never pressure you. I've never been with a human either, so we're both new at this. We will take things at whatever pace that you're comfortable with."

 

Emotion swelled inside of him. Here was this incredibly strong-willed Commander and leader, who inspired everyone around her with her strength and persistence. Yet, he was the first person she had opened her heart to. He held her shoulders and looked deep into her eyes. "I'm not going anywhere, Zoey, and I'm damn sure you aren't either. So just make sure to point me in the right direction, and we'll be patient with each other, ok?"

 

She nodded, swallowing back the lump in her throat.

 

"Now, how about I make you a tea and we watch a vid of your choice?"

 

She nodded again, feeling a powerful rush of affection for her turian.

 

\--

 

Having her office directly adjacent to the main battery, Miranda would have been a fool to not notice that something was awry.

 

Before the stop on Palaven, Garrus had been entirely recluse, spending all of his free time in the battery performing calibrations. But now the battery was empty the vast majority of the time, and she never found him in the mess or the cargo bay, unless he was accompanied by Shepard.

 

So where was he going?

 

She would ask EDI, who would politely refuse and cite it to 'privacy clause 13844B', which Miranda was becoming increasingly confident did not exist.

 

Shepard had been strange lately as well. Although EDI reported that her sleep cycles were still shorter than normal, she looked blissfully happy at all times, more happy than Miranda had seen her since meeting her. It wasn't the mission, which wasn't going extraordinarily well. Something was going on that was a secret from her and she didn't like it.

 

But she was going to find out what it was.

 

\--

 

"You have a priority message at your terminal, Commander."

 

"Can it wait, Chambers? We're about to depart for a mission." The snarl in Miranda's voice was intentional; she grew tired of the overenthusiastic Chambers and the way she always undressed Shepard with her eyes, and was eager to have a mission where she could view both Garrus and Shepard in action.

 

"It's quite alright, Miranda," Shepard said warmly while flashing a smile at Kelly. "It'll only take a moment."

 

Shepard jogged to the terminal, her eyes darting side-to-side as she quickly scanned the message. A line developed on her brow in concern as she read the message, but she quickly closed the terminal and jogged to catch up to Miranda and Garrus.

 

As they were exiting the airlock, Miranda heard Garrus whisper to Shepard, "What was that?"

 

"I'll tell you later," Shepard growled, her eyes dancing in Miranda's direction.

 

No matter. Miranda would read the message when they returned to the ship. What made her more curious was why Garrus asked in the first place.

 

Although she expected slip-ups in both of their combat due to their strange behaviour on the ship, her expectations proved to be entirely incorrect. Their individual skills were excelling; Garrus was hitting each target with deadly precision, and he was using his concussive shots tactically to send husks plummeting over edges. Shepard was showing vast signs of improvement: her biotic skills had been honed and she was even more deadly as she danced across the field, effortlessly eliminating waves of husks and scions.

 

What interested Miranda much more were the interactions between them. She kept herself to the rearguard with her pistol out, observing as the two of them fought together as if their minds were linked, taking out enemies as a true team without Shepard uttering a word. It was a marvel to watch as Shepard would use pull on an enemy to have Garrus snipe it, or to have her use singularity before Garrus destroyed the incapacitated group with a proximity mine. The teamwork was phenomenal, but curious. They had always worked together well, but not this well.

 

When they were into their third group of enemies, Miranda noticed that either of them would shout a number at random while taking down enemies. As they swept the room, her curiosity overrode her discretion and she inquired, "Why do you keep shouting numbers?"

 

"We have a bet on," Shepard explained, cursing quietly when Garrus took out a faraway husk crawling up a ladder and shouted '30!'. "Whichever one of us kills more husks buys the other a beer. You want in?"

 

"No way, I'd lose since I haven't been counting. Next time, though, you're on. And I don't drink the cheap stuff."

 

The three of them jogged to the next area. The fight started out as usual, with Shepard directing Miranda to take out any husks coming up two of the ladders while her and Garrus took out the rest. However, the waves kept coming, and Garrus's shields were knocked down by four husks surrounding him. A scion loped around the corner and sent a shockwave his way, sending him flying through the air and knocking him onto his back, the husks immediately advancing on the weak prey.

 

"No!" Shepard shouted. She summoned a singularity right into the middle of the four husks and ran to Garrus, and the husks that she was fighting followed her. Shepard shot down the husks trapped by her singularity to slap medi-gel onto Garrus's wounds, providing him with covering fire until his shields regenerated again. It left Shepard absolutely swarmed, and she cringed as her shields went down and she began to take direct damage. But she fought through and took the wave down, falling against a wall and taking deep breaths as her wounds healed themselves.

 

Miranda was more than capable of fighting her own husks, and she knew that Garrus was too. So why did Shepard make such a rash, non-tactical move to sacrifice herself and protect him, unless --

 

A lightbulb went off as all the pieces fit together. Garrus's absence from the battery, Shepard's lack of sleep, her sacrificial and protective instincts for him.

 

The two of them were falling in love.

 

Miranda couldn't help but laugh out loud, causing Shepard to send a narrow-eyed glare in her direction. Garrus had stood and approached Shepard, offering his hand to help her stand, which she took graciously.

 

"Something funny, Lawson?"

 

Miranda's lips pursed, silenced by the Commander's harsh gaze. "Not at all, Shepard. Let's clean this place up."

 

"Agreed. Move out."

 

Other than the occasional curious glance from either Shepard or Garrus, the rest of the mission went smoothly, and they ended up with a completely intact geth to improve matters.

 

Back on the ship, Shepard exited on the first floor to her quarters and Miranda and Garrus were alone and silent on the elevator on their way to the third level.

 

"Interesting how Shepard was so eager to protect you back there, Garrus."

 

"I suppose she was doing her job as a Commander, Miranda."

 

"She seemed unusually protective."

 

He looked down at her, his size menacing and his expression stoic. Miranda and he never saw particularly eye-to-eye, and at that moment his harsh gaze made her fear him more than ever. Not that she couldn't take him out using her biotics, but she still wouldn't want to make him truly angry. "If you have any questions about her actions, I'd recommend taking it up with her. Now if you'll excuse me." He exited the elevator and made straight for the battery, never turning to look back at her.

 

"I'll do just that then," she muttered to herself, remaining in the elevator and making her way to the captain's quarters.

 

When she arrived, she tried to open the door but found it locked. She let out an exasperated sigh before saying, "Permission to enter?"

 

She heard rustling in the room, like the Commander was hiding something, before she received a response of "granted."

 

Shepard was sitting at her desk and closed her terminal before turning to Miranda. "Shepard, we need to discuss your actions on the derelict Reaper."

 

"For the record, Miranda, there is nothing we need to discuss. I'll gladly discuss anything that there is a want to discuss, but I'm more hesitant when there is a need to discuss it."

 

"I know what's going on with you and Garrus. I saw the way that you protected him. Just because you can regenerate doesn't mean you need to turn into a martyr and hurt yourself unnecessarily for a perfectly capable soldier."

 

Shepard sighed. "Sit. On the couch." Miranda obeyed, and Shepard followed her. "I'm not going to falsely justify my actions, nor will I lie to you. Garrus and I have feelings for each other, which we were hoping to keep private but which is proving to be exceedingly difficult. That being said, if any of my crew members were in danger, I wouldn't hesitate to throw myself in front of them to protect them."

 

"Because you're their Commander, or because you have the ability to regenerate?"

 

Shepard shrugged nonchalantly. "Either."

 

"Any crew member? Even Jack?"

 

"Jack, you, anyone."

 

"Good to hear." She stood up, eager to hit the showers and wash the smell of Reaper off of herself. "By the way... I'm happy for you and Garrus, I really am. I'm sorry for prying, but I'm sure you can understand that I wanted to know as both your friend and your XO."

 

A smile crossed Shepard's face that didn't reach her eyes. "I understand. You're dismissed, Lawson."

 

As the door closed behind Miranda, she swore that she heard an exasperated groan from Shepard.  


	29. Intermission

Her cloak activated, Kasumi stuck to the shadows as she made her way through the ship. Although Commander Shepard had earned her trust, the rest of the crew hadn’t and kept herself unseen whenever she was in a situation where she may encounter them unexpectedly.

 

The Commander had just taken Kasumi and Garrus out on a small assignment, and the thief was impressed by the turian's abilities with Overload. She was hoping that she would have a chance to ask him about the program on his omni-tool, and thanks to EDI's information the main battery was her destination.

 

It was late evening and with the exception of the Mess Sergeant who was cleaning dishes, the mess was empty. She slipped unnoticed past him, making her way past the cryo pods to the door of the battery. Before she knocked on the door, she faintly heard strange noises coming from the other side. Primitive, guttural noises.

 

Curiosity overrode her conscience. Her gaze sweeping the area, she found a vent on the ceiling to her right that she had caught Thane climbing through several weeks prior. Not that she had been following the drell or anything ridiculous like that. She lithely jumped up to it and climbed in noiselessly, pulling the cover back on after she was in. There were many benefits to being small, and an ability to fit easily in vents was one of them.

 

The vent lead exactly where she had hoped, and she had a slightly restricted view of the battery from her perch above a terminal tucked into a corner. Her gaze fell to Garrus, its sole occupant, and she had to cover her mouth to withhold a gasp at the sight.

 

The turian was lying on his bed, one of his hands stroking his fringe, the sounds of turian-human intimacy playing from his omni-tool. He was clearly enjoying the video, soft but feral growls occasionally escaping his mouth.

 

Kasumi immediately crawled towards the entrance of the battery, allowing herself to laugh gently when she knew that she was in the clear. _So, the turian has a human fetish. I wonder who the lucky lady is._

 

Withholding further laughter, she took a deep breath and buzzed on the door. She heard the sounds stop abruptly, and he muttered "just a minute!"

 

He opened the door, looking slightly disheveled. His brow plates furrowed in confusion as he scanned the area, unable to see her under her cloak without his visor on.

 

"Expecting someone else?" she cooed.

 

He jumped slightly at her voice. "Ah, Kasumi. There's no need to use the cloak to visit me, you know."

 

"But it's more fun that way. Can I come in?"

 

She heard him grunt softly before he beckoned her in. "Nice place you have here. Mind uploading your Overload program onto my omni-tool? I was impressed by the area of coverage that you had out on the field today."

  
He let out a soft sigh. "Sure. Just, do me a favour and send me a message first next time you come by so late in the night cycle."


	30. Chapter Twenty-Four

Echoes - Pink Floyd

 

"Come in."

 

Garrus opened the door tentatively due to his familiarity with Shepard answering it personally. The lighting was dim, and strange but familiar music was playing. He found Shepard lying on her back on the bed, covering her face with her hands.

 

"I'm losing my touch, Garrus." Her voice was strained.

 

He briskly walked to the bed, perching on the side to run his talons over her arms. "What do you mean, Shepard?"

 

Her arms dropped to her sides and she looked into his eyes. "Miranda knows about us, Garrus. Frankly, I don't mind, but its _how_ she found out that bothers me. It was because of the way I jumped in front of you on that derelict Reaper."

 

Her gaze wandered to the open stars above her bed, a constant and morbid reminder of her death. "You know, I've spent my whole life focusing my all of my energy on my career. Now I've found something that's becoming more important than my career, and it's throwing me off.

 

"The other truth is, the knowledge that I can't die is really starting to fuck me up. I feel personally responsible for every member of my crew, as any good Commander should, but I'm feeling an even greater need to sacrifice myself for them knowing that I can't die like them. I feel like there's this... barrier created between myself and the rest of the world now. Every death that could have been prevented is starting to affect me personally, knowing that I could have jumped in front of the bullet myself to save them."

 

"Move over." His request was gentle but firm. Shepard responded by making room for him on the bed, and he crawled in beside her, lying on his side so he could faintly run his talons over her body, goose bumps rising over her skin at his touch. "Zoey, you're feeling guilty about so many things you can't change. The Illusive Man made that decision for you, and you're going to have to adapt to it instead of fighting it. I can imagine that it's not easy watching so many die while you continue to live, but you need to use it to your advantage. There is a time for each of us to join the Spirits, but that doesn't mean that you have to mourn every life lost. We don't know where we go after this life, but it will be to a place without Reapers, Collectors, and geth, and there is no reason for anyone to fear it.

 

"The unfortunate truth is that people die every day for many reasons and we can't control it. If you let every death weigh on your shoulders you'll have a burden too heavy to ever bear. Protect and cherish those close to you, but remember that the needs of the many outweigh the needs of the few. Even your crew, who signed up knowing that they put their lives at risk. But I know that none of us would have it any other way."

 

She rolled onto her side and allowed her eyes to dart across his face, committing every feature to memory. "Thank you, I needed to hear that. You know, you're making me go soft, Garrus. Do you remember on the SR-1 what a hardass I was at times to the crew? How my only focus was completing the mission?" She tenderly ran her fingers along his undamaged mandible. "It's hard to believe that I only saw you as a soldier and a friend then. You've become much, much more to me."

 

He leaned in to her so that their foreheads touched and their eyes locked. "Duty can put emotion on the back burner."

 

"Duty has been forcing me to hide my emotions."

 

"It's the job of any good soldier to put aside your feelings and focus only on the field."

 

"We're not in the field right now, Garrus. Why are we still hiding?"

 

"Hiding is what we know, and it's what we do best. I could spend my time feeling guilty about the men I've killed, but isn't it easier to brush it off and try to forget?"

 

A vision of Kaidan, donning his Alliance blues with his hair slightly tousled and a sly grin lighting up his handsome features, filled her mind. "We never truly forget."

 

They were both silent for a long time, Shepard staring at the abyss while Garrus stared at her. When she spoke, her voice broke and it was barely above a whisper. "I have horrible nightmares every night." She pursed her lips and swallowed her pride as she finally admitted what had tortured and plagued her. "They're more like night terrors, they're so vivid and lifelike. It's always Sovereign. Every night it's the same, he kills one of the crew members -- from the SR-1 or the SR-2 -- and then chases me down, saying that he'll kill everyone that I care about. For a long time, it was Kaidan. I can't get rid of the guilt that comes with my own call causing him to sacrifice his life so that I could save Ashley's, just to have her tell me on Horizon that she doesn't trust me!" Her breath hitched in her throat, and she paused to reign herself in, her voice softer when she continued. "Almost every night now, it's you. Every night when I fall asleep, I have to hold your dead body in my arms. I can't explain what a relief it is for me when I see you for the first time every day. But after Aratoht, I've started to have a second nightmare. 305,000 batarians begging for their lives. Begging for me to spare them. But there's nothing... nothing I can do to save them. I know that they would have died as soon as the Reapers came, but I killed them at my own hand.

 

"Hackett says... that I'll have to go to Earth and face the music soon. The batarians want blood, and my actions after Elysium don't make things easier." She let out a long sigh. "I want the batarians to know that I would have done the same to 300,000 humans if it meant stopping the Reapers, but I don't know what good it will do."

 

"You did the right thing," Garrus said firmly. "You had no choice, and you saved millions of lives doing it. The worst that they can do is lock you up, but I know you. You have a fighting spirit, and you'll survive anything that they throw at you, and come out even stronger. If I have to break you out of jail, I'll be happy to do it.

 

"As for the nightmares, I'll stay with you tonight. When you wake up, you don't have to be scared anymore, because I'll be right here."

 

"Thank you," she muttered, pulling him in for a hug.

 

"I have nightmares sometimes too," he whispered into her ear.

 

"What about?"

 

"Your dancing. It plagues me, even in my sleep."

 

She smacked his chest with her open palm and they both laughed.

 

He didn't admit to her the real nightmares. The ones that replayed his most violent kills on Omega. But it wasn't the images that filled his head that bothered him -- not when he finally caught Thralog Mirki'it and dug a whole ounce of red sand into his four eyes, his blood curdling screams echoing through the empty warehouse as his eyes burned through his head and he died slowly; not when he infiltrated the Blood Pack storage room and shot the unarmed Selkeet Shirion in the back of the head, watching his brains splatter all over the terminal before his body crumpled like a child's ragdoll; not when he followed Har Urek out of the airlock on Omega so he could pull the tube supplying oxygen out of the back of his helmet and watch his hands fumble over the back of his helmet while his mouth emitted soundless screams -- it was the fact that he _enjoyed_ watching them die. He was remorseless, thirsty for more criminal blood with each drop that was spilled. He took pride in finding more creative ways to kill the men without leaving a trace of his work. When he killed Gus Williams with his own damn smuggled weapons, he laughed. He laughed and laughed for what felt like hours.

 

It was justice. Yet their agonized faces plagued his sleep every night.

 

"You alright, Garrus?"

 

He had become so focused on his memories that he must have been silent for minutes. "A little lost in thought," he admitted.

 

"About?"

 

"Part of me curses the Illusive Man for what he did to you, but a bigger part of me thanks him every day. If he didn't bring you back, I would have died as a lost spirit down on Omega. You've awakened the part of me that I've always wanted to be, and now I never have to lose you again."

 

He leaned in and kissed her passionately, his tongue dancing in her mouth. His need for her was transforming from something raw and physical to something deeply emotional. He didn't just want to tell her that he cared, he wanted to _show_ her.

 

She pulled away, and an unwilling sigh escaped his lips. "Not now, Garrus. We need to rest for our secret mission tomorrow. If you agree to it, of course."

 

One of his brow plates rose. "Secret mission, you say?"

 

Shepard pushed aside her nerves as she asked, "How would you feel about meeting my family?"

 

Any concerns of hers disappeared when she saw the way his face lit up. "Meet your family? Really? I'd love to! Where will we be going? Who will be there?" His subvocals were betraying his nerves.

 

She let out a soft laugh. "Don't worry, it's just going to be my parents and my brother. We have a small apartment at an Alliance Base in the Armstrong Nebula and we'll be meeting my parents there, just for a few hours for dinner."

 

"What will you be introducing me as?"

 

The question surprised her. "What would you like to be introduced as?"

 

"Well, Zoey, I'm perfectly content with friend, or teammate. They're your parents, you know better than I how they'll react to you bringing a turian home."

 

"I think I'd rather introduce you as my boyfriend. My parents are more progressive than you'd think, considering that they're Alliance. Besides, they love me, and they'll accept me regardless of my decisions."

 

He hugged her again, and when he spoke his hot breath rustled her hair. "I'm so lucky that I get to meet your family."

 

The two stayed up late into the night talking, and for the first time that night, Garrus slept in Zoey's bed.

 

\--

 

"So, be as polite as possible... Offer to assist with dishes... Ask lots of questions... Inquire about local sports..."

 

Garrus was perched on a chair in front of EDI in Shepard's cabin, whispering to her as he took notes.

 

"Small tokens of appreciation are common," EDI continued. "Flowers or wine for the mother, beer or other alcoholic beverages for the father and brother."

 

"I don't know what wine or beer is preferred, but where do you think I--"

 

Garrus stopped mid-sentence and ran to the bed as he watched Shepard jump up, screaming.

 

He ran his hands over her back, whispering to her that everything would be ok. His heart ached at the fear etched into her face, and his visor was reading that her vitals were off the charts.

 

When her breathing slowed, she threw her arms around him and pulled him into a tight hug, savouring the feeling of his presence.

 

"I'm here, it's ok," he whispered into her ear.

 

"Thank you," she murmured back. "That was a bad one. You and my family, all killed by Sovereign, and there was nothing that I could do. Even if I tried to protect you, it didn't matter."

 

"It's ok, you're just apprehensive since you'll be seeing the family tomorrow. Do you want to try going back to sleep? You only got about five hours there."

 

"No," she muttered. "Every time I close my eyes, the images from my dreams are there so vividly that I can't sleep again."

 

"Can I make you something for breakfast, then?"

 

She smiled wearily at him. "A tea would be lovely. I'll get changed and we'll run down to the mess."

 

He watched her make her way to her closet, pull out her usual work out civvies, and enter the bathroom. In his opinion, she looked stunning when she slept: she pulled her hair into a low knot and wore the Cipritine shirt he bought her. When she exited, she turned back into the usual pulled-together Commander.

 

"I'm hoping that since it's..." She checked her omni-tool. "0445 hours, we'll be alone in the mess. For the record, Garrus, why were you up before me?"

 

He stood and accompanied her to the elevator. "I couldn't sleep either." But in the back of his mind, he though,  _I had my own nightmares._

 

EDI's voice rang through the elevator. "Officer Vakarian was inquiring about common rituals involved with meeting human parents."

 

"Way to keep a secret, EDI," Garrus grumbled.

 

"I recommended flowers for your mother and alcoholic beverages for your father."

 

Garrus placed his hands on his hips. "Now really, EDI, you spoiled the surprise."

 

"I do not understand the organic interest in surprises."

 

"Just log us out please, EDI."

 

Shepard laughed faintly as the elevator doors opened. "She understands surprises, she just likes to watch you squirm, Garrus."

 

"Why do you say that?"

 

They rounded the corner into the mess. "Because she was planning a surprise for us the whole time."

 

"What do you... oh."

 

Joker was sitting in the mess with a steaming cup of coffee in front of him, chuckling to himself. "Morning you two, sleep well?" His voice was devious. "Although I can't say that I'm surprised. EDI hinted to me a week ago that Garrus was heading up to the captain's quarters at late hours."

 

"EDI really can't keep a secret, can she?" Garrus muttered to Shepard.

 

"Sit, have breakfast with me." Joker gestured to the empty seats before him, one of which Shepard occupied while Garrus turned the kettle on and poured Shepard a bowl of cereal. "Benefits of having ship-wide surveillance as your co-pilot. Get to learn all the juicy gossip around the ship. Did you know that Miranda uses an extranet dating service?"

 

"Oddly enough, I do." Shepard took a sip of the tea Garrus placed in front of her. "But I'm starting to wonder if Garrus and I aren't the only secret couple on the ship."

 

"What do you mean?"

 

"Fifty credits says," Garrus slipped into the seat beside Shepard, placing her cereal in front of her, "You and EDI will end up together."

 

Joker scoffed. "How? She's basically the ship!"

 

"Life finds a way," Shepard said gently, beaming at Garrus. "Most people say that human-turian relationships are unusual, but here we are."

 

Joker hoisted himself out of his seat. "Alright love birds, that's about as much as I can take."

 

"He just wants to get back to EDI," Garrus muttered in Shepard's ear, resulting in a round of giggles from her and a dirty look from Joker.

 

"So, what are the plans until the evening?" Garrus asked as Shepard stood and refilled her bowl of cereal.

 

"I need to wash the Kodiak and change the oil," Shepard replied as she returned to her seat next to him. "I'd like to get some exercise in, and I'm also hoping to make the rounds and check on all of the crew members, Legion especially to see how he's settling in."

 

"When are we expected to land?" Garrus inquired, standing to wash  his plate.

 

"EDI approximated our landing at 1400 hours, and we're meeting my family at 1700 hours. So if you have anything you need to pick up on the ground, this will be a good time. I'm giving everyone shore leave until 2100 hours so we can pick up any supplies before we make our way to the Far Rim to see the flotilla."

 

"I'm hoping to spend some time catching up on my calibrations today, and Thane, Zaeed, Legion and I are having a small... wager, on who has the best shot with a sniper rifle today in the training area."

 

Shepard stood to put her own bowl in the sink and whispered into his ear, "Well, we all know who will win that."

 

"Can't complain about a little extra income."

 

"Meet in here at 1130 hours for lunch?"

 

They exchanged a quick kiss before parting ways. "I can't wait."

 

\--

 

"Alright gentlemen, the rules are simple: 200 credits for entry, closest shot to the centre of the target wins, winner takes all. Credit chits in the helmet, please."

 

The three men and the geth placed credit chits inside of Garrus's helmet.

 

"We do not value credits as organics do."

 

Garrus slapped the geth on the shoulder. "Legion, if you want to be part of the crew, you need to spend time with the crew."

 

"We only shoot targets in battle."

 

"Just shoot the guddamn target or I'll shove you out the airlock," Zaeed grumbled.

 

"Searching word: guddamn. No results found."

 

Zaeed rolled his eyes emphatically. "Just shoot!"

 

Legion raised the rifle, gazed down the scope, and shot to the right of the centre of his target.

 

"You have an excellent shot," Thane commented, raising his rifle to take his own shot, which was slightly closer to the centre. "But mine appears to be better."

 

"Don't get an ego yet, Thane," Zaeed piped in, raising his own rifle. "The big boys haven't come out to play yet." While Zaeed was lining up his shot, Garrus gently bumped the butt of his rifle, resulting in a shot far from the centre of the target.

 

"Foul play!" Zaeed lowered his rifle and stood before Garrus, his shoulders rounded, while Garrus and Thane chuckled. "I vote to have you taken out of the competition!"

 

"Have a sense of humour, man," Garrus said, lining up his own shot. "You know you'll lose anyways."

 

His aim was true, and landed directly in the centre of the target.

 

"I demand a rematch!" Zaeed shouted. "We're all using the turian's rifle."

 

"I accept," Garrus countered.

 

The four shot again, with Thane taking a close second but Garrus once again hitting the precise centre of the target.

 

"There's something fishy here," Zaeed growled.

 

"You just can't accept that I have a better shot than you," Garrus countered.

 

"Double or nothing! We'll use the geth's rifle this time."

 

"I accept," Thane said.

 

"We also accept," Legion added.

 

Once again Garrus prevailed, but Legion was the one with the second best shot this time.

 

"Bloody hell!" Zaeed shouted, throwing his arms up in frustration. "This is guddamn crap. I'm going to make a drink." As he was leaving, Garrus swore that he heard him mutter 'guddamn robot' and 'bloody bird dinosaur'.

 

"It's the middle of the morning," Thane muttered. 

 

Legion made his exit as well. "We are going to perform recalibrations on our long distance sensors so that we can match the turian."

 

Thane and Garrus remained, analyzing the target. "Excellent shooting, Garrus."

 

"Thank you, Thane."

 

"I see that you took heed of the story of my wife."

 

Garrus raised a brow plate at him. "How did you know?"

 

"I'm an assassin," he responded with a shrug, "I excel at remaining unseen, and I'm not the only one."

 

Garrus shivered. "I just really hope you haven't seen too much."

 

"I only see that which must be seen."

 

_That's cryptic_ , Garrus thought to himself.

 

"Care to join me for lunch in the mess?" the drell inquired.

 

"I've already promised the Commander that I would join her for lunch, but you're always welcome to join us."

 

"That would be enjoyable."

 

A new friendship was born on the Normandy.


	31. Chapter Twenty-Five

We Will Become Silhouettes - The Shins

 

A rush of affection spread through Shepard at the sight of Garrus approaching her at the gate to the Alliance base on Rayingri. He was dressed in black civvies that brought out his eyes, and in one hand he carried a case of Belgian beer (her father's favourite) and in the other he carried a bouquet of gladiolus flowers (her mother's favourite).

 

"You found my parents' favourites! How did you know?"

 

"Having the Shadow Broker a short comm wave away can have its advantages." His mandibles flickered and Shepard went up on her toes to kiss his uninjured one.

 

"You're amazing," she muttered.

 

His mouth briefly quivered in emotion, but he collected himself quickly: a true soldier. "After you," he said, gesturing towards the base.

 

Shepard set off towards her family home, waving at the occasional solider that they passed. All of them returned the wave, but many faces were adorned with puzzled expressions. The sun was setting over the barren landscape of Rayingri, and if you looked away from the base you could see the flat, barren land for miles. It wasn't a beautiful place, but for a woman who spent the vast majority of her childhood on ships, it was the closest thing to home that she possessed.

 

They reached a small house that was designed in the same fashion as the rest on the base: small, grey, with one floor and minimal windows with a hatch leading to a bunker along the side of the house. It wasn't as warm and homely as Garrus considered his family house on Palaven to be, and it gave him a degree of perspective to realize that Zoey's upbringing may not have been as privileged as his own.

 

Shepard opened the grey, concrete door and poked her head into the door before crying out "hello?"

 

A hurricane of a woman appeared, sweeping Zoey into her arms briefly before releasing her and spinning back into the kitchen. While she did, she was speaking non-stop. "Oh Zoey so good to see you come into the kitchen dear I need to keep an eye on these 'dullia', I've never made dextro food before but if our Mess Sergeant can handle it I'm quite sure than I can." Garrus and Shepard followed her wordlessly into the kitchen and watched as she tended over four different pots. She was slight like Zoey but shorter with more narrow hips. Her hair was darker and pulled into a bun, and she had the exact same shade of brown to her eyes as Shepard. "I just hope that the drinks are suitable the gentleman at the liquor store said that Ambernaise is popular with turians and--"

 

"Mom," Zoey interrupted. "May I introduce my boyfriend, Garrus Vakarian?"

 

Hannah stopped and turned around to face Garrus and Shepard. "So rude of me. I'm Hannah, Hannah Shepard." When she reached to shake his hand, he shuffled the flowers and beer into the same hand and her eyes fell on the flowers. "My dear! Are those gladiolus flowers? I haven't smelled those in years!"

 

Garrus's mandibles fluttered as he passed them to Hannah, who seemed entirely in a dither. "Pleasure to meet you, Mrs. Shepard."

 

"Oh you're so sweet for finding these, how did you know they're my favourite? I need to find a vase for these, Zoey dear do you mind stirring the pasta sauce; I don't want it to burn. It's so nice to meet you Garrus -- please, call me Hannah -- and let me give you a hug."

 

Garrus withheld a chuckle as the elder Shepard embraced him. Hannah was clearly a warm and high-energy woman possessing an infectious enthusiasm, with a very faint accent that Garrus recalled Zoey informing him as French.

 

"Belgian beer? Oliver will be _so_ pleased, he's just gone to get dessert with Malcolm, and he’ll be back shortly. Can I get you two some drinks in the mean time?"

 

Garrus took himself for a small tour of the house as the two women began working together on the meal. The entry way was littered with heavy boots, but the walls were adorned only with a small analog clock; the living room was to the left of the entry way, furnished with a beige couch and a mid-sized vid screen, currently muted but displaying the Alliance News Network; up the hall to the right was the master bedroom, small enough to only have room for a small wooden dresser and a double bed; and the bathroom was across the hall, fitted to exact Alliance standards. In the remainder of the hallway to the kitchen there were three photographs hanging: the first was an aged photo of the entire family, showing a squirming baby boy being held tight by a younger Hannah and a four-year-old Zoey with her hair short and standing in every direction, a glint of mischief lighting up her eyes and a streak of dirt across her left cheek. The man Garrus presumed to be her father was standing with his hands on an eight-year-old girl's shoulders, striking even in her youth with a shock of dark hair, intelligent green eyes, and a flowing smile. The second photo was of the same girl, closer to adulthood now with a black cap perched on her hair which now cascaded down her shoulders in loose curls, her smile lighting up the room even from the photo. He reached to touch the photo with his talon, Zoey's tale of her sister becoming more tragic at the sight of her. The third photo he presumed was of her parents at a human ceremony, and showed her father dressed in a white tuxedo dipping her mother (also wearing white, in a simple floor-length dress) low while kissing her.

 

Both voices and the comforting smell of home cooking enticed him to return to the kitchen, where Zoey and Hannah were discussing the Normandy. "Zoey, dear, you must upgrade the manifolds on those thrusters from rubber to aluminum, otherwise they're going to continue to melt and fail over time. It's an obvious design flaw with those older Hammerhead models."

 

"What about a steel manifold?"

 

"Goodness no," Hannah scoffed, "too heavy, that will just compromise your performance and you'll just have a harder time staying level."

 

"What should I do about the engine headers overheating on the Kodiak? Upgrade the heat shields?"

 

"Just wrap them, use the Hahne-Kedar manufactured heat-resistant wrap."

 

"Won't that take longer than just using a more heavy-duty heat shield?"

 

"Oui, but you'll just have to keep replacing the heat shield and it'll take more time in the long run."

 

Boot falls echoed from the hallway, and Garrus's attention was drawn to two men entering the room, one of which he recognized from the photos and the other who resembled a younger version of him. They both had the same shade of light brown to their hair with the intelligent green eyes that Jane had possessed. Zoey clearly obtained her height from her father, who stood only a half a foot short of Garrus while her brother was nearly level with him. The older, slightly graying gentleman reached his hand out to Garrus.

 

"Oliver Shepard," he said with a firm handshake.

 

"Dad, this is my boyfriend, Garrus Vakarian," Zoey shouted over her shoulder, her hands occupied with kneading dough.

 

"I brought you this." Garrus held out the case of beer, soliciting a grin from Oliver.

 

"You sure know the way to a man's heart," he grumbled. "Too bad you can't have one, they're delicious. One for you, Mal?"

 

Oliver passed one of the beers to his son, who removed the cap and took a swig. "You have good taste for a turian," the son said. "I'm Malcolm Shepard, pleasure to meet you."

 

"Pleasure is all mine." Garrus shook his hand as well.

 

"So, mom, how's that food going?" Malcolm asked as he rested a package on the counter.

 

"If you had set the table this morning like I asked you to it would be ready already."

 

The Shepard family began to buzz around the kitchen, preparing the final touches for the meal and setting the small table. "Is there anything I can do to help?" Garrus asked Hannah.

 

"Thank you, dear, but don't be silly, you're a guest! Just have a seat and everything will be ready shortly." He was surprised to realize that the woman had ushered him away using only her hips so that he had no choice but to take a seat and wait.

 

The meal went better than Garrus could have expected. The family welcomed him into their home as if he had lived there the whole time, and he was receiving constant streams of questions about himself and his family. Although too sweet for his liking, the dullia was excellent for someone making it for the first time and the berry-snap dessert was incredible; the five of them sat together for over an hour enjoying their drinks and desserts.

 

Oliver was the first to break the conversational atmosphere. "Well, Malcolm," he checked his watch. "It's 1855 hours, game starts in five minutes. Have you ever heard of the human sport hockey, Garrus?'

 

"I've read about it on the extranet, but I've never watched it."

 

"Interested in watching a game? It's a big one, galaxy playoffs are on, Earth vs. Citadel. Citadel is favoured, but their goalie Heinrich was injured in the game against Mars and their secondary goalie, Snow, just isn't the same."

 

"If you'll be patient enough to explain the rules to me I'd be happy to watch."

 

"Follow me into the living room then, take your drink with you."

 

Shepard smiled as she watched the three most important men in her life exit the room. She turned to face her mother. "I'm grateful for a chance for us to speak, actually."

 

"I thought that might be the case. I hinted to your father before you came to give us some private time." Hannah swirled her wine before taking a sip. "You've changed a lot, Zoey, since you were that scared eighteen-year-old going off to basic. When you tell stories about your fights, I don't see fear in your eyes. I only see determination. Is it because of Garrus?"

 

Shepard chuckled. "Garrus has been a guiding light for me. Things haven't been easy, but he's pulled me through. But mom... there's more. More I haven't been able to tell you, dad, and Malcolm on a potentially watched comm channel."

 

"Go on, sweetie."

 

"Cerberus... made some changes when they brought me back. They used cybernetic implants to help with the repairs, but they installed a program into the implants. Whenever I'm injured, or sick, or even aging, these cells appear that repair any damaged cells. I still feel pain, but the wounds regenerate. I... I'm sorry, I've explained this a hundred times but it never gets any less strange. I can't die, mom."

 

Hannah's hands rushed to cover her mouth as she gasped. "How? How is this technology even available? I heard rumours of Alliance research into it, but it sounded like it was centuries away..."

 

"It's Cerberus. They've sunk billions of credits into doing this for me. But their technology is limited to the implants, it's not something meant for mass production. It's meant for me only." Zoey rested her elbows on the table and put her head in her hands. "Mom, it sounds like it should be the most exciting thing in the world. Never dying! Isn't that every soldier's dream? But it doesn't feel right. Maybe it's what you taught me as a kid. That death for your people is honourable, that there's a whole other life out there after we die. Maybe it's because I've met Garrus and now I have to watch him get hurt or sick while it never happens to me. I don't know exactly what it is, but I feel unnatural. Inhuman.

 

"It's hard to explain, but my sense of responsibility over the lives of others has been increased so much. I'll dive in front of a shot meant for one of my teammates; because even if it means that it will hurt me it will save their life. I feel like now it's my responsibility to take the hit not just for my teammates, but for every innocent person around me. But when I fail, when someone gets hurt or dies, I feel like it's my fault. I sentenced over three hundred thousand batarians to death just to delay the Reapers. How can a person cope with that many deaths on their shoulders?" She covered her face with her hands. "I'm asking my entire crew to go on a suicide mission, knowing that no matter what happens, I come out alive. How is that fair? What sort of Commander am I?" Her eyes were burning with the threat of tears. "How can I ask someone like Garrus that I care so much about to throw his life away when I can protect him?"

 

"Zoey, darling, come here." Hannah approached her distraught daughter and pulled her into a tight hug, stroking her hair. "Although as a mother I'm thrilled to hear that I won't have to worry about an Alliance solider showing up at my door again notifying me of your death again, I hate to see you in this much pain. But this is something you can't control. I know that you've always been the soldier who wants to save everyone, but the truth is that you can't. Be happy that you have a crew that you care about enough that you're willing to put yourself in danger for them, but they know what they got themselves into. They would be happy to die honourably for the sake of saving the innocent. It's what they've all dedicated their lives to doing."

 

"I want to be able to do it all myself, mom, but I know I can't."

 

Hannah pulled from the hug to grip her daughter's shoulders. "Of course you can't. The only thing that you can do is put in your damn best effort. Fight as hard as you can, bring down as many of those Collectors as you can, and most importantly, care as much as you can. Show the crew how important they are to you and they'll follow you without question. But most importantly, they won't give up. They'll fight for their lives too.  But they need to see you at your strongest, showing them the way and showing that you have faith in their abilities. Focus their minds on the task ahead of them, and they'll all make it through.

 

"As for Garrus? I think he's already shown you that he wouldn't be anywhere but by your side. You can try to get him to sit the fight out for his own good, but I guarantee you the only place he wants to be is with you, wherever you go. Don't deny him that. From what you've told me, he's supported you every step of the way since you've become a Spectre, so showing him the respect of having him always fighting by your side is the least he deserves.

 

"I'm happy to see the way he makes you smile. Yes, I caught the two of you sneaking glances at each other through the meal, you can't miss the way that he looks at you. He truly cares about you. I never thought I'd see you with a turian, but if he makes you happy and supports you, then I support the two of you too." Hannah heard raucous cheering from the living room. "I'm sure that I'm not the only one who supports you, either."

 

The two women sat in the kitchen, drinking and talking, for what felt like an eternity to Zoey. At the intermission between periods one and two, Garrus came into the kitchen to offer his assistance with cleaning up, but he was once again ushered out by Hannah. Oliver, Malcolm and he stumbled into the kitchen after the third period, passing around high fives in excitement at Earth's victory.

 

"I never thought that watching men move around on the ice with sticks could be so engaging," Garrus said, laughing, as he took a seat next to Zoey.

 

"He just liked the fights," Malcolm whispered to Zoey.

 

Shepard glanced at her omni-tool. "Alright, time to break up the boy's party, Joker says that everyone's back on the ship and we're ready to head to the Far Rim."

 

Everyone stood and made their way to the door. "Thank you so much, Mr. and Mrs. Shepard, for making such a delicious meal for me. It was incredibly thoughtful."

 

"You're welcome any time," Hannah said, enveloping him and then Zoey into comforting hugs.

 

"Stay in touch," Zoey whispered to her mother before separating.

 

Zoey and Garrus departed the small house to a chorus of goodbyes. As they walked, Zoey grabbed Garrus's hand and smiled up at him.

 

She had never been so sure that he was the right man for her.

 

\--

 

"Shoe? Shoe! You seeing this?"

 

Shoe's eyes didn't lift from his datapad. "See wha'?"

 

"Commander Shepard is leaving the base with a turian and holding his hand... claw... talon... whatever."

 

Shoe's brow rose. "Shepard? The Commander Shepard? You sure 'bout that, Smith?"

 

"Oh yeah, brother." He increased the zoom on his visor. "That's her, alright."

 

Shoe stood and zoomed in with his own visor, sucking his teeth as he spotted the Commander laughing at the turian's joke. "I'll be damned."

 

"I have to tell Moira. She's gonna love this."

 

"The second you tell Moira, she's gonna tell Lisah, and then the whole damn galaxy's gonna know."

 

"And shouldn't the galaxy know that our 'hero' is boinging an enemy?"

 

"I 'spose so."

 

Smith frantically typed a message to his wife on his omni-tool, a wicked grin on his face.

 

After all, when your sister-in-law is a reporter for the Alliance News Network, it means that you're guaranteed an interview. 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> It's finally here! Thank you for your patience over the long weekend.
> 
> Although my family is different from Zoey's family, it was so fun to immerse myself into hers. I did add one small reference to my family in there -- when I mention Hannah ushering Garrus away with her hips, it was an homage to my grandmother. When she'd be in the kitchen doing dishes and you'd offer to help, she'd just take her hips and gently push you until you realized you were in the other room. Even though Hannah is a soldier and mechanic, I had a vision in my head of her doing it. 
> 
> I'd like to extend a huge thank you to everyone who has been reading this so far. Nothing makes me happier than a ping of an e-mail saying that I have a comment or a kudos. Keep it up, it keeps me writing!


	32. Intermission

"So you expect me to sit here for an hour just _focusing_? Not actually using my powers, but just sitting and fucking thinking?"

 

"Improvement requires reflection."

 

"I know I'm strong. Stronger than every human, that's for fucking sure. But I thought we'd be doing shit, not just sitting and thinking."

 

"It's undeniable that there is great power within you. Raw, but great. If you wish to harness it, you must meditate on it. Close your eyes, channel your dark energy until it is sitting within your grasp but do not use it! Focus on the strength within every particle, focus on the manipulation of the energy around you."

 

Shepard had come down to the cargo bay to exercise to help herself sleep at the late hour, but curiosity guided her to the training area when she heard an unusual pair of voices. She allowed herself to slowly turn her head around the wall so she could gaze into the room, and she was greeted by quite a sight.

 

Jack and Samara were side-by-side. Samara was glowing with energy and hovering cross-legged above the ground, and Jack was sitting with her legs curled at her side watching.

 

"The average biotic needlessly wastes forty percent of their energy in battle, either on missed targets or incorrect power usage," Samara explained. "Spending your time away from battle focusing your energy and your abilities can assist in maximizing your power output. It can also bring calm to your life energy, helping you conserve energy for battle."

 

Samara lowered herself to the ground and smiled serenely at Jack. "You try. Focus your mind only on the energy within you. When you feel that you have rallied all of your energy and calm, release it around you."

 

Jack let out an exasperated sigh before crossing her legs, closing her eyes, and summoning her energy.

 

"There is too much anger in your energy, I can feel it! Put the anger aside and focus your mind on the positive emotions. If you let your anger take charge you will never have control over yourself."

 

Shepard watched as Jack began to glow brighter and brighter before letting out a growl as the energy exploded around her. She hit the ground again, hard, and was panting.

 

"Homework for you," Samara said in a disciplinary tone. "You need to learn to empty your mind of emotion. You believe that your strength lies in your anger, but it is restricting you from maximizing your capabilities. Find something that calms you, and before you sleep tonight, close your mind to everything but the calm. Tomorrow we will meet here again and continue our practice." Samara stood gracefully. "There is no longer a need to hide your desire for improvement any longer; the Commander has been watching us."

 

Walking with her usual grace, Samara exited the room, flashing a smile at Shepard in passing. Jack, however, remained seated, so Shepard took a seat next to her.

 

"I'm happy you're working on improving yourself, Jack."

 

Jack remained silent. "You haven't taken me on a ground mission since Pragia, Shepard. I don't know if I pissed you off or if it's because we have so many damn biotics on the ship now but..." She paused. "I want to be better."

 

Shepard shot a surprised glance at her. "I apologize, Jack. I didn't mean to leave you off my ground roster. Listen, I'd take you to the flotilla with me, but it sounds like it's going to be more talking than fighting. But the next mission is all you, alright?"

 

"Yeah. You know me; I'm not much of a fucking politician." She laughed harshly.

 

"Next time you have concerns, though, please bring them to me first."

 

"Yeah. Alright." Jack stood. "Listen, I'm gonna practice down in engineering. See you around, Shep."

 

Zoey sat alone in the training room for a long time, practicing on focusing her own energy until she was so drained that she barely made it upstairs before falling asleep fully dressed. 


	33. Chapter Twenty-Six

Angel - Massive Attack

 

Shepard was the light in Tali's darkest day.

 

Her father was dead. She was up for exile from the flotilla for sending her father non-operational geth parts. Her name had been stripped from her. But here was Shepard, giving the Admiralty Board a piece of her mind for even _thinking_ of exiling Tali.

 

And it was working. She saw the looks being exchanged between the Admirals, and barely heard their decision to not charge her over the rushing sound in her ears.

 

_Today I lost my father, but I didn't lose my people. Keelah se'lai._

 

Shepard was soon by her side, asking if she wanted to stay or go back to the Normandy. She allowed her eyes to wander through her people, indecisive if she should stay among them or retreat to solidarity to succumb to her grief.

 

But there he was. Kal'Reegar. His mask was turned towards her, and she could tell he was as eager to see her as she was to see him.

 

"Shepard," she said gently, her eyes never leaving Kal. "Can I meet you back at the ship?"

 

Garrus and Shepard followed the line of Tali's sight, and Garrus let out a soft 'ooh'. "Of course," Shepard said gently. "Take your time. The Normandy will depart when you're ready."

 

A faint smile graced Tali's face, and she muttered "thank you" before making her way towards Kal'Reegar.

 

"Tali," Kal said, his voice full of relief at the sight of her. She pulled him into a tight embrace. If anyone had suspicions about their pairing before, they were just confirmed.

 

"Shepard sure has a way with words," he continued. "But I'm damn grateful for it right now. I'm sorry that I couldn't get a wave to you about your dad but they cut off all communication to the Normandy after they notified you of the trial."

 

"It's ok." Her voice was soft. "I'm just happy that my father's memory will remain honourable and that I can still call the flotilla home. How have things been here?"

 

"Quiet without you," he said as he took her forearms in his hands, "but otherwise things never change. I miss having you here."

 

"I miss you too, Kal. Shepard needs me, though. She's strong, but deep down, she's a little lost."

 

"I know you don't have much time," he began, "but I have something for you in my cabin. Will you come with me?"

 

She nodded emphatically as he grabbed her hand and led her out of the wide hall.

 

\--

 

"How are you holding up, Tali?"

 

Shepard approached the quarian, who was bent over her computer, as usual. Instead of working, however, her eyes were only on her hands. Or rather, something in her hands.

 

"I will miss my father. I will think of him every day and honour his memory." Determination was in her voice when she looked up at Shepard. "He did this so that I could have my home world back. And dammit, Shepard, I'm going to fight to get that world back when this is over. For him, and for me."

 

Shepard pointed to her hands. "A gift from Kal'Reegar?"

 

Her hands opened to reveal a small chain with a golden washer laced through. "It's a washer. It sounds foolish, but the first time that we met I was working on a ship. I had taken this washer off to replace it with one that's a proper size. Normally we return any excess parts to the communal area, but he held onto it until now because it reminded him of me. Knowing that I won't be able to see him before we hit the Collector ship, he wanted me to have it." She laughed gently. "Do you mind putting it on for me?"

 

"Not at all."

 

Tali turned around and Shepard looped the chain around her neck and secured it. When Tali turned to face her again, the small washer rested proudly on her chest. "Humans like to give lavishly to their partners, showering them with gifts and expensive food. But quarians are a more frugal species. Our gifts are always homemade and from the heart." Tali grasped the washer and smiled. When she spoke again it was under her breath. "How are things with your turian?"

 

A girlish giggle came out of Shepard. "He's keeping me in one piece through everything, Tali. I'm so grateful for your encouragement and help with everything. He... makes me happy and makes me a better person at the same time."

 

"Do you love him?"

 

Shepard's eyes betrayed her surprise. "I don't know yet," she admitted.

 

"You'll know when the time is right," Tali said, resting her hand on Shepard's shoulder. "Today was right for me."

 

A gasp emitted from Shepard. "Tali! I'm so happy for you!" She pulled her quarian friend into a tight hug. "When this is all over, the four of us are going for dinner. Somewhere dextro and levo friendly."

 

"I'm sure Kal would love--"

 

Joker's voice over the intercom interrupted them. "Shepard, we need you up on the bridge."

 

Shepard dramatically rolled her eyes for Tali and muttered, "These guys won't give me five minutes of peace, I swear."

 

"I can hear you, Commander." She made a rude gesture at the intercom. "I can see you too, Commander."

 

"You and EDI need to get away from security vids for a bit," she grumbled. She bid goodbye to Tali and made her way to the elevator.

 

On the bridge, EDI explained that the IFF was installed and ready, but they would have to take a shuttle to their next mission while they test primary systems.

 

"Good thing we've already jumped through the Phoenix Massing relay. I'll get the ground crew to take the shuttle down. Don't get kidnapped by the Reapers while I'm gone," she joked.

 

After the Commander left, Joker turned to EDI. "She jokes, but I'm honestly a little worried."

 

"I will protect you, Jeff."

 

"Oh good," he muttered. "The computer will save me."

 

\--

 

"Joker! Are you alright?"

 

Shepard jogged into the comm room and pulled out her omni-tool to scan Joker, her eyes full of concern.

 

"Other than the fact that I had to eat my words about the computer saving me, and the fact that I just had to watch the entire crew get dragged out of the ship, I'm a vision of health."

 

"Good work on saving the ship, Joker. You too, EDI." Shepard's eyes swept the room. "Miranda, Joker, stay here. Everyone else is dismissed."

 

Her eyes followed each crew member as they left the room, and she nodded at each of them in acknowledgement. When the room cleared, she turned to Miranda.

 

"We need to get our crew back. We need to attack the base."

 

"Shepard, are you sure? I know some of our ground team aren't entirely prepared for this. Don't we want to attack the base at full strength?"

 

"If we wait," Joker added, "we could lose all of our crew."

 

"They know what they signed up for," Miranda retorted. "Besides, we could go now and they could be dead already."

 

Shepard's eyes fell on her XO. "What if our decision to wait is the difference between them living and dying?"

 

Miranda pulled herself to her full height. "What if our decision to go is the difference between a member of your ground team living or dying?"

 

Shepard could feel the frustration in Miranda's voice. She pulled herself to her full height as well, towering over Miranda. Joker cowered at the tension between the two headstrong women. "I have faith in every member of my ground team to fight for themselves. My crew is defenseless, and I'm pretty damn sure the Collectors didn't drag them off our ship to offer them tea and biscuits."

 

"You may have faith in your ground crew, but they don't have faith in you! Why would they trust the leadership of someone in a suicide mission who can't die? You could make more dangerous calls than necessary and put their lives at risk. They're scared, Shepard. I can see it in their eyes when I speak to them. There should be confidence, not fear."

 

"What would you suggest that I do then, Lawson?" Her voice was dripping with sarcasm. "Let you lead them?"

 

"I'm suggesting that we improve your ground team's morale before we ask them to potentially throw their lives away!"

 

Shepard took a step back, a scowl on her face. "Leave us, Joker." Grateful to avoid the attention, the pilot limped out of the room. Shepard took a series of deep breaths, her voice more calm when she spoke. "You're my friend, Miranda. As well as my XO. I trust and respect your judgment, which is why I asked you to say and discuss this matter with me. If you're so concerned with the morale of the ground team, maybe you should be concerned with the morale of your Commander. I won't be able to complete missions with the thought of my crew being tortured, killed, or worse by the Collectors."

 

Silence fell on the room. "You can't save everyone, Commander."

 

"I can try."

 

"You could be throwing one life away for another. Is that really what you want to do?"

 

"I trust my ground team to get the job done."

 

Miranda pushed her forefinger into Shepard's chest and looked deep into her eyes, a scowl forming on her lips. "Maybe if you weren't so busy with your turian lover you'd see that your team doesn't trust you."

 

She whipped around and stormed out of the room, leaving a dismayed Shepard in her wake.


	34. Chapter Twenty-Seven

Six Days - DJ Shadow

 

_Garrus,_

_Get your turian ass down to the comm room ASAfuckingP._

_Zoey._

 

Although he had no idea what this "ASAfuckingP" meant (perhaps it was some sort of human code?), Garrus knew that this was not an order to disobey. He gently rested the remaining pieces of dirty armour on a cloth and jogged to the elevator.

 

When he reached the comm room, Zoey was pacing and appeared incredibly distressed.

 

"Lock the door." He obliged to her command. She didn't stop pacing as she spoke. "I'm in between a rock and a hard place, Garrus. Human saying, means I have to make one of two decisions, both of which have unfavourable results.

 

"Our Normandy crew has been kidnapped by the Collectors. Option one is that we get our asses to the Collector base and rescue them. Option two is that we wait, develop our ground team, and hit them when we're ready.

 

"At first, option one seemed like the most sensible response. But after I dismissed everyone, Miranda and I had a small... disagreement. She believes that we need to work on our ground team, because they don't trust me and we'll be putting our ground team's lives in danger to rescue the ship crew.

 

"But there's more." He could see her becoming more distressed as she spoke. "She told me that she thinks part of the reason the ground crew doesn't trust me is because I spend all my time with you. But I make an effort to let them voice their concerns, I truly do, and I wanted to help all of them but now we have to worry about the crew! Regardless of which decision I make, someone has to lose." Her frustration reaching a clear peak, she began to emit a faint blue glow before punching one of the walls. "My fucking XO just told me I'm a shit Commander for not taking care of my fucking crew and focusing on my own interests!"

 

Garrus ran to her and held her hands to prevent her from continuing to beat up the ship. "Before we even begin to talk about this, Zoey, take a few deep breaths. Miranda has the best interests at heart, I know she does, she just has a tendency to be a bit aggressive when it comes to showing that she's right. You need to forgive her and forgive yourself before we can come to a level headed solution."

 

She reluctantly complied, closing her eyes and breathing deeply. "Thank you," she muttered after two minutes of silence. "You're right. Miranda has everyone's best interests at heart."

 

"Now Zoey, regardless of what I say, you're the Commander and your word is law. But I will give my two cents, if you'll allow me."

 

"Please do." She resigned to taking a seat and Garrus sat across from her, holding her hands in his own.

 

"I know that I'm very lucky to receive so much of your attention, but I also know that I have seen you spend countless amounts of time with your crew. It's obvious to me that you care about each and every one of them. You always ask for their opinion and make sure that everyone has a chance to be on the ground with you. It's what makes you so extraordinary. I think that Miranda's concern is that a few of our team members have some unresolved issues that she believes could compromise them on such an important mission. That being said, I have complete faith that your team them are unquestionably dedicated to you and your cause and will follow you without hesitation, even if it means following you to their deaths, because that's just the way that you inspire people."

 

"I don't want anyone to die."

 

"And no one will have to die! We need to get those crew members. No one deserves the fate of being captured by the Collectors, and it leaves a bad impression on the team knowing that you'd abandon your crew so easily." He stood, casting a shadow over her. "So we're going to tell Joker to send us through that damn relay, you're going to give one of your brilliant speeches, and we're going to kick some Collector ass to get our crew back!"

 

She stood, fire in her eyes, and pulled him tight to her for a passionate kiss. "This is why I need you on my team, Garrus." She smiled broadly at him. "Alright, we have work to do."

 

"What do you need me to do?"

 

"I need to get Joker to set course to the Omega-4 relay and talk to Miranda. You need to meet me in my quarters in an hour, no armour permitted."

 

"I like the sound of that," he whispered in her ear, the purr in his subvocals sending her mind to very dirty places.

 

They briefly touched their foreheads together before Shepard made her way to the bridge, a new air of determination to her now that a plan was in place.

 

"Joker, set a course to the Omega-4 relay. We're going to save our crew."

 

"Aye aye, Commander." His hands flew over the controls with ease. "Expected time to relay is in three hours."

 

"Good. Send word to everyone in the ship to prepare themselves."

 

"Will do, Shepard."

 

She spun around and marched to the elevator, the lack of crew members in the ship feeling like a gaping hole. Instead of discouraging Shepard, it increased her sense of purpose.

 

Tapping her foot impatiently in the elevator on the way to the crew deck, she cursed Cerberus for making such a technologically advanced ship with such slow elevators. Her mind was running so quickly her body had no patience. She walked briskly to the XO's office, the mess far too silent for midday.

 

When she opened the door, Miranda's focus was on her terminal, the corners of her lips turned down. "I see that we're setting course for the Omega-4 relay."

 

"Miranda, I appreciate what you had to say earlier, and I respect your opinion. But in the end I'm your Commander, and I say that we go through the relay and save those people."

 

When Miranda looked up from her terminal, her expression was bitter. "The good thing about me not being a Commander is that you're the one with the lives in your shoulders, not me."

 

Shepard turned away to leave. Although what Miranda said hurt, it was true. "Being a Commander means that you're able to make your own decisions. It also means you have to live with the consequences."

 

Sensing that the brief conversation was over, Shepard turned and left. Although they disagreed, Miranda was showing no signs of insubordination, and Shepard had something wonderful to look forward to before the nightmare of the Collector ship.

 

Once again she tapped her foot in impatience on the elevator.

 

"I see we're about to make our assault."

 

Shepard nearly jumped out of her skin as she saw the air beside her shimmer before revealing Kasumi.

 

"This may come as a shock to you, but you can start conversations with people without being cloaked."

 

Her slightly husky giggle filled the elevator. "I'm aware. It's much more fun this way. So, Commander, how are you spending your last few hours before we dive through the relay?"

 

"I'd rather not get into it."

 

"Don't worry so much, he knows what he's doing. I caught him doing some research on turian-human relations on Fornax before."

 

Shepard shot a wide-eyed glare at Kasumi. "The cloak can be used to find out secrets, too," the thief said, a wicked smile on her face. "Don't worry so much, I can't blame you, he's cute in his own way. Life's too short to be alone -- well, too short for everyone except for you."

 

_Don't remind me._ "That mantra goes for you too, Kasumi."

 

The elevator doors opened at Shepard's quarters. A glance at Kasumi revealed a wry smirk on her face. "You're not the only one who's doing something a little crazy before our suicide mission."

 

Taking a step backwards to hold the door, Shepard raised an eyebrow at her. "Really?"

 

Her voice took on an airy tone. "I guess thieves and assassins just go well together."

 

A grin spread across Shepard's face. "Go get 'em, tiger."

 

"You too, Commander."

 

Shepard took a step forward, allowing the doors to close behind her. She walked into her quarters and immediately made her way to the shower, desperate to wash away her concerns for the mission.

 

The shower provided the relaxation that she needed, and she closed her eyes and reveled in the warmth that engulfed her. She used a vanilla-scented shampoo from the bath set that Garrus had bought for her, sighing in contentment as she relaxed and massaged her scalp.

 

Far too aware that harsh reality awaited her, she remained in the shower until her fingers became soft and wrinkled. She accepted defeat and turned off the hot water, dressing in a loose shirt and comfortable pants and brushing her hair and teeth quickly. There was a small micro-injector sitting on her sink that Mordin had prescribed her to prevent such horrible side effects as 'illness through ingestion', so with a short sigh she pricked her arm.

 

When she stepped out, Garrus was waiting for her, a bottle in his hand. "It was the best I could afford on a vigilante's salary," he muttered. He sauntered over to her intercom and played one of the awful pre-programmed songs throughout the cabin. He looked... positively dashing in his civvies, clinging tightly to his turian form.

 

She couldn't let him go on with the sad attempt at seduction. WIth a condescending smile on her face, she turned the music off and grabbed the bottle from his hand. "Garrus," she said softly, placing the bottle on the desk behind her and resting her hand on his chest. "You've been watching too much of Mordin's material. Relax. Tonight will be about us, and nothing else."

 

He let out a long sigh and rested his forehead on hers, closing his eyes. "I've done so many things wrong in my life -- I'm a failed C-Sec Officer and a failed vigilante -- that for once, I just want to get something right."

 

_(Mid-chapter A/N: I know that some readers enjoy smut, and some readers don't! If you don't, this is an excellent point to stop reading -- there is no plot advancement for the rest of the chapter. If you do enjoy smut... read on!)_

"You haven't failed as a member of my crew, or as my boyfriend. Quite the opposite, you've excelled at both."

 

He ran his talons, so gently, down her cheek. "Honestly Zoey I don't even know where to start."

 

Her eyes never leaving his, she took his hand and lead him to the bed, lying down on her side beside him. She ran her hand tenderly down his injured mandible, his neck, and his chest, resting it at his waist. His muscles felt hard and wiry. "When I was conducting my own research, I found one major difference between turian and human intimacy." She paused to move her hand up to his fringe and massage it slowly. He let out a noise between a purr and a groan in contentment. "It makes sense considering the habits of your species, but turians seem to like to get straight to business. Humans take their time, going slowly and allowing themselves to get warmed up before diving to the big event."

 

"I think I see where you're going with this." He removed his gloves and visor, placing them on the bedside table, and ran his bare hands underneath her shirt and over her soft stomach. He closed his eyes and focused on the feel of her skin and the way it ran smoothly underneath his hand as he moved it over her torso, touching her hips, her back, her shoulders, her breasts.

 

Zoey let out a relaxed sigh. "Mmm, you're on the right track. It's also typical, but not necessary, for us to undress each other." She paused, trying to determine how daring to be. "Using your hands or your mouth, whichever you prefer."

 

His voice was husky in his response. "Teeth sounds fun." He pushed her gently onto her back, grabbing the bottom of her shirt in his teeth and the sides with his hands. In unison, he ran his hands and his mouth up her body, breathing deeply to inhale her scent. He paused at the sweet pink nubs on her chest, flicking the tips of each of them with his tongue, satisfied at the soft moan that escaped her lips. "I like that," she whispered. Desperate to please he alternated between squeezing and licking each breast. Feeling her squirm underneath her at his touch, he lingered on her small pink nubs with his tongue and thumb.

 

He lifted her shirt over her head and began to run his tongue down her neck and her torso, squeezing her hips firmly. He slowly ran his finger along the elastic of her pants, feeling her gyrate her hips as his thumb slipped lower and lower.

 

"Garrus," she breathed, "You're very good at teasing."

 

"Teasing?" he asked gently, nipping at her hip. "I thought you said humans like to take it slow."

 

"We do, trust me. Taking it really slow is like a tease, as you build it up but deny the -- oh!" She let out a cry as his thumb found her sweet spot. Reading her body, he began to rub gentle circles, watching her cheeks flush and her breathing become more rapid. "Tell me what else to do," he growled. The more excited that she was, the more hungry he became for her and he felt the pressure on his plates increasing.

 

"Mmm..." she emitted a soft moan. "You can use your tongue... And you can put a finger inside of me... Just be gentle with those talons, mister."

 

"Like this?"

 

Her hips bucked into him and she whispered his name when he plunged a finger inside her wetness and ran the tip of his tongue over her sensitive nub. He marveled at how wet and smooth she was as his blunted talon gently eased in and out. He pulled back momentarily to marvel at the human sex, so gentle and pink and framed by tiny lips. The sight turned him on even more, and he dove back in to pleasure her further. He began slowly, but as her entire body became flush and her breathing became erratic he moved more quickly. She suddenly cried his name and bucked her hips so quickly that he had to stop, and when he looked at her expression her eyes were closed and a blissful smile spread across her face.

 

"You're a natural," she whispered, her chest rising and falling rapidly as she regained her breath.

 

He pulled himself up so that his face was level with hers. "Before meeting a human woman I never thought of pleasing someone with my mouth."

 

"Allow me to return the favour then," she whispered into his ear. He felt the pressure on his plates reach an almost painful point as she aggressively pushed him onto his back and worked on the clasps of his top.

 

She slowly lifted his top over his torso, stopping to plant kisses along the sides of his waist. When his entire upper body was revealed, she had to stop and admire how attractive it was. His leathery skin was tight to his long and lean muscles, perfectly outlining their shape. She ran her hands across his wide chest and down to his slim waist, a shudder arresting her body at the strength she could feel beneath her hands. She wanted him. Badly.

 

Impatient, she tore down his pants and kissed up his legs, marvelling at the definition and hardness of each of his muscles. She planted gentle kisses on his spurs and ran her tongue along the inside of his legs. "If I knew turians were this sexy I would have given up on humans long ago," she muttered between kisses.

 

Her soft lips were sending entirely new sensations through his body, and he had to work hard to form a semblance of a full sentence. "No more... turians for me."

 

She laughed and nipped one of his plates, soliciting a moan from him. As gently as possible she pushed the plates aside, her sex tingling in anticipation at the sight of his long, hard cock. She bit her lip gently before grabbing the base and flicking her tongue over the tip; Garrus grabbed her sheets and sucked in a breath through his teeth in response. A devious grin spread across her face before she wrapped her mouth around his manhood and slowly took in as much as she could. As she worked on his cock, swirling her tongue in circles and moving him in and out of her mouth, he let out a series of primal noises between a purr and a growl, grabbing her hair and holding tight.

 

"Stop!" he cried after several minutes of sweet bliss. He took a moment to catch his breath. Her soft lips and tongue felt so amazing and it had been so long since he had a release that he had almost gone over the edge.

 

"Everything ok?" Zoey asked gently.

 

"Yeah," he gasped. "You're good at that. Really, really good. I just need a break or this will be over far too soon."

 

She giggled and began to run her hands over his body while he allowed himself to come down from the sexual high. When she kissed his neck he grabbed her face and kissed her deeply, setting her whole body on fire. She pulled out of the kiss to look deep into his eyes before grabbing his cock and slowly lowering her wetness onto him. As he filled her up he let out a groan and shuttered, amazed that anything in the galaxy could feel this good.

 

Gripping his chest for support she rocked herself rhythmically, his eyes wide as he watched his manhood slide in and out of her mound. He began to massage her bouncing breasts, and he felt the need to take her in spite of how incredible she looked on top of him.

 

Unable to control himself any longer he leaned up and threw her down hard on the bed, a feral growl escaping him as he began to pump himself hard into her. Zoey gripped his waist and rocked her hips with him, a constant stream of moans escaping her lips.

 

He watched as Zoey began to arch her back, his name escaping her lips in a cry as her sex tightened around his cock in waves. The sensation sent him over the edge, and he growled her name as his body gave him his sweet release in waves. His breath coming rapidly he gazed into her sweet brown eyes, feeling a wave of affection towards her stronger than anything he had felt before. Moving as gently as possible he rolled off of her to lay beside her; his sweet human, his sexy human, his strong human. His Commander. His girlfriend.

 

All energy taken from his body, she closed her eyes as he ran a talon along her cheek and whispered, "Spirits, Zoey."

 

With a giggle, she responded, "Spirits, Garrus."

 

He closed his eyes and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her as close to him as possible to rest his head atop hers. He inhaled her sweet scent and sighed. At that moment, he didn't have a care in the world.

  
Not even the Collectors.


	35. Intermission

Now scanning: outbound message logs for August 15th, 2185.

 

8 results found.

 

First result

 

From: thedoctormordinsolus

 

To: kirrahe1

 

_Scientific Log of Doctor Mordin Solus_

_Entry 16,046 -- Normandy time 1942 hours 15 August 2185_

_Major Kirrahe: Entering Omega-4 relay shortly. May not return. Do not want Collector research lost. Forwarding pertinent information to you._

_Upon possible return, aspire to investigate krogan genophage cure. Found first steps for research from old assistant._

_Want to be proud of life's work. Too short to regret what I've created._

_Thank you._

 

Second result

 

From: jtaylor

 

_To: LawBringerSR2_

_Hey Miranda,_

_With everything going on with this Collector stuff, I've been thinking about us a lot_

 

**Message Deleted**

_Mir,_

_Do you remember that time when we went on a date to that nice little cafe on the Presidium? StarCredits I think it was called? Sometimes I reflect on our fun times together and miss_

**Message Deleted**

 

_Miranda,_

_Funny thing happened the other day, EDI mentioned that you're using a galactic dating service? You know, there's a single man in the armoury waiting_

 

**Message Deleted**

 

_Hey you._

_I don't know if we're going to make it through this. If one of us doesn't, my greatest regret is that I never appreciated what we had when we did have it. You still mean so much to me, and if we do both make it through this, it would mean the galaxy to me if we could try and give it another shot. I know that I've changed, and I know that you've changed too. But that... DAMMIT. I CAN'T DO THIS._

 

**Message Deleted**

 

Third result

 

From: theassassin11

 

To: KKrios11

 

_Son._

_Hope lies in this message reaching you. My body is at risk today. If my body and spirit are divided, remember that my spirit is always with you._

_I'm so proud of you. I haven't been the best father to you, and I just hope you can find it in yourself to forgive me._

_Never follow my path. The most difficult part of the sleep is waking up._

_If I do not return, please find Kasumi Goto and give her the attached message._

_I love you, son._

_[One attachment found: thankyou.doc]_

 

Fourth result

 

From: archangel

 

To: SVakarianRox090

 

_Hey Sol._

_Things are getting crazy over here, so I hoped that we would never have to worry about this, but I wanted to send this to you just in case._

_I haven't been the best big brother. Or son, to mom or dad. Dad can be a real ass, but he's still our dad in the end. I worry about mom every day. I worry about you, too._

_You've always been a great sister. So it's time for the truth to come out. I'm the one who broke dad's armour piercing pistol mod back when he grounded you for two weeks so you couldn't go to camp._

_To make up for it, I'm leaving you my Mattock. It's on the Citadel, C-Sec storage unit B246, passcode is Shepard._

_Send my love to mom._

_G._

 

Fifth result

 

From: CommanderZShepard

 

To: MommaShepard2155

 

_Hey mom._

_Just wanted to send you a message to say that I love you._

_Thank you for having Garrus and I over._

_Send my love to dad and Mal too._

_Z._

 

Sixth result

 

From: XXTHEPUREKROGANXX

 

To: urdnotWREX

 

_WREX._

_MY BATELMASTR SAYS WEER GOING TO HIT THE COLLEKTER BASE. MY BLUD IS SINGEING AT THE THOT OF BATEL._

_WEN WE RETURN, I WILL BE AT THE SIED OF MY CLAN WITH MY BRUTHERS. WE WILL FITE TUGETHUR SOON._

_GRUNT._

_P.S. ARE THERE ANY TEE REXES ON TOOCHUNKA?_

 

Seventh result

 

From: numberonemerc

 

To: MrsMassani

 

_Mum._

_Thanks for the socks. They're very comfortable._

_The fox brings back good memories of you teaching me to hunt when I was a boy. I wear it into battle for good luck._

_I don't say it much, but I love you, mum. I love you a lot._

_Zaeed_

 

Eighth result

 

From: talizorahvasnormandy

 

To: kalhatesgeth555

 

_Kal,_

_We're doing it. We're on our way into the Omega-4 relay. I have your gift with me, I take it everywhere I go. It feels like I'm taking you everywhere I go._

_Part of me is scared, but I know that Commander Shepard will guide us like she always does. This is for the good of everyone. I feel like I'm doing something right in the galaxy._

_If I make it back, I want to help take back Rannoch. For my father. For us._

_I love you, Kal. Never forget that._

_Keelah Se'Lai._

_Your Tali._

  


"EDI?"

 

"Yes, Jeff?"

 

"Are we going to make it?"

 

"Your odds of survival are significantly higher than those of the ground crew, Jeff."

 

"I know that. But I mean, the Commander, can she do this?"

 

"Her odds of--"

 

"I don't want the odds. Give me your personal opinion."

 

"She can, Jeff. It will not be easy, but I know she can."

  
"Thanks. That's all I needed to hear."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> This intermission was a lot of fun to write. It started when I was thinking to myself: who was the last person the team would have wanted to message before they hit the Collector base? 
> 
> So we're closing in on the home stretch! Thank you to everyone who has been participating in this adventure with me so far, and trust me when I say that I'm extremely excited for part 2.
> 
> Have a great weekend, I'll be back with the Collector base chapter on Monday!


	36. Chapter Twenty-Eight

War Pigs - Black Sabbath

 

"Commander?"

 

No response.

 

"Commander Shepard?"

 

Still no response.

 

"Commander Zoey Shepard of the Normandy SR-2, killer of Saren Arterius and saviour of the Citadel, war hero--"

 

"Joker has anyone told you how damn irritating you are?"

 

"Not today. Just wanted to let you know we're about twenty minutes out from the Omega-4 relay."

 

"Noted. Thanks Joker."

 

Zoey rubbed her eyes, and when she opened them she faced a stunning blue pair of Vakarian eyes. "Hey there," he rumbled. "Have a nice nap?"

 

"I couldn't admit to Joker that I fell asleep right before the suicide mission, but you were just so comfortable. How long was I out for?"

 

He chuckled. "Only about a half an hour. Don't feel bad, I fell asleep too."

 

"Aren't we helpful, we're supposed to be saving the galaxy and we're too busy having sex and napping." She stood and began to put on her underarmour.

 

Garrus followed her in standing and they touched foreheads briefly. "Let's go save the galaxy so that we have all the time we need for sex and napping."

 

"Deal." She gave him a quick kiss on his mandible before he left to change into his own armour.

 

As she dressed and reflected on what was to come, her hands began to tremble in fear.

 

\--

 

Jack was dead.

 

She wanted to grab something and throw it into Miranda's perfectly calm face at the thought.

 

What bothered her the most was knowing that she could never keep her promise to her to take her on the ground team on her next mission, because Jack wouldn't even make it to the ground.

 

It wasn't the first time she had lost a soldier under her command. Losing a squad mate was one of the first -- and most difficult -- lessons any soldier destined for a commanding rank must learn. But a good commander knows that you must learn from the life lost, remembering that the soldier died honourably and died defending their people.

 

But this time, it dug underneath her skin. Perhaps it was because Jack wasn't Alliance, or perhaps it was because this had been her opportunity to start a life anew. The moment when Shepard had run into engineering to ensure the drive core hadn't overheated and she heard Jack's blood curdling scream; the associated feeling that her stomach had suddenly disappeared and left an gaping hole in its wake while she sprinted down the stairs, two at a time; her eyes falling on Jack's limp, motionless form with a still-smoking burn mark across her chest; Shepard's legs pumping as she sprinted towards her body to check for a pulse as she looked up to see the Oculus retreat; regardless of how much she denied it, regardless of how she would put on her Commander Shepard face and tell the crew to fight for Jack, regardless of the memorial that would doubtless be held where Shepard would say that Jack gave her life for humanity's safety, the tattooed biotic's ghost would forever haunt her.

 

_Pull yourself together, solider. Let's focus on making sure the rest of them make it through._

 

As Miranda went over the schematics of the Collector ship, the only thing Zoey could focus on was how she felt that she could have done more for Jack. But she didn't. Was she was losing her morality, her protective nature?

 

_Pull it together!_

 

"Who do you want in the vents, Commander?"

 

She shook her head to clear it. "Legion, I want you in those vents."

 

"Who will lead the second strike team?"

 

"Miranda, I want you leading that second strike team. Garrus and Mordin will be on the ground team with me. Let's do this, people. For Jack!"

 

_And for the love of God may the rest of you survive._

 

\--

 

Legion's voice rang in her ear. "Requesting assistance, Shepard-Commander."

 

She blasted a biotic warp at the Harbinger-controlled drone. "Mordin! Use incinerate on that Harbinger bastard and take him out with your Tempest. Garrus, focus on the drones at your two o'clock, hit them with overload and take them out with your Mantis. I'll get the group at 10 o'clock and help Legion. Move out!"

 

Shepard summoned a biotic singularity into a group of guardians, sending them flying haphazardly through the air. Anger and frustration flooded through her veins as she killed each of them with clean headshots before sprinting to open the valve for Legion. She let out a breath of relief to see that the room was free of Collectors for the moment.

 

"Keep it up boys, we're almost there."

 

She led Mordin and Garrus into the next large room, and she knew right away it would be a challenge. "I'm getting readings for two venting stations in this room," Garrus said over the comm.

 

"Take cover, more incoming!" She dove into cover ahead of her and indicated for Garrus and Mordin to watch her flanks. "Garrus, I want you to focus on anything with shields. Take them out with overload and use your sniper rifle for as long as you can. Mordin, you focus on anything with armour, and Harbinger-controlled units when I take down the barrier. Use cryo blast on any drones that get too close. I'm going to focus on any barriers and provide support with my biotics. Let's do this!"

 

She poked up from cover and immediately took down an unshielded drone with her Carnifex, diving back under cover when she received fire from all sides. Standing back up, she used warp on a Harbinger-controlled unit to her left and swiftly turned right to take out another drone with her pistol. She went back in cover while her powers recharged, after a few moments respite jumping over her cover to send a drone flying with throw and aiding Mordin with the Harbinger unit before crouching under a more foreword cover.

 

"Requesting assistance, Shepard-Commander."

 

"On it, Legion."

 

The valve was to her left, but two assassins and a drone were in front of it and she was short on time. She took a calculated risk and summoned a singularity in the middle of the group before sprinting to open the vent, jumping behind cover to use pull on an incoming drone before shooting down all four Collectors.

 

"One more vent, Shepard!" Mordin shouted. She looked across the battlefield to see it at her far right, with about seven enemies in her path. She stood, used warp on the Harbinger unit to take down its barriers before Mordin decimated him with incinerate followed by an SMG clip to the head. Shepard jumped over the cover, used throw to send an assassin flying, killed a drone with two clean headshots, and heard Garrus use concussive shot on the drone directly in front of her before she dove back into cover. Her shields had gone down and she had been hit in the chest, so she hid for a moment to catch her breath and allow her wound to heal. When she looked back up from cover, Mordin and Garrus had taken out everything but two assassins behind cover, so she used shockwave and Garrus sniped one and she simultaneously shot down the other while they were in the air. Seeing that her route was clear, Shepard jumped over the cover and sprinted to the valve, letting out a sigh of relief when she made it in time.

 

"Get to the safe area, go, go, go!"

 

Garrus, Mordin, and Shepard sprinted to the open door, and when she took a chance to look back she saw that they were being followed by countless Collectors. Shepard dove into the door, another sigh of relief escaping her when she saw Garrus and Mordin make it in safely with the rest of the group.

 

"Legion, let's move!"

 

The doors were closing but the geth was still outside. She watched in terror as she saw him run with his back towards the door before being gunned down, his body sickeningly dancing in the air as it was filled with holes before he collapsed.

 

"LEGION!"

 

The heavy door slammed shut with a bang that resonated through the room. She sprinted to the closed door, banging her fist against it to no avail. She turned on her comm and cried, "Legion, come in. Legion! Come in, Legion. Come on, buddy, I need you here."

 

A hand rested on her shoulder, and when she turned it was towards the calm face of Thane. "He is gone, siha."

 

She swallowed down the emotion welling up inside of her, the grief threatening to overtake her, and pushed it into the deepest corners of her overburdened mind. "Alright people, let's move out." She took a moment to calm herself and analyze her surroundings, disgust rolling through her at the sight of the wide atrium, filled with hundreds of tubes sending who-knows-what to the central chamber.

 

They jogged briefly before encountering familiar pods to their left. Bile rose in her throat when she wiped the fog off of a pod to find a colonist inside, clawing at the glass and screaming before she was turned to liquid.

 

"Get these people out, now!" she screamed, using the butt of her SMG against the nearest glass. Panic struck her as she realized it was Kelly Chambers inside, fists pounding at the glass with panic in her eyes. But the glass broke, and Kelly escaped, gasping for air, and the rest of her squad managed to save her Normandy crew.

 

Anger filled Shepard as she listened to Doctor Chakwas's recollection of their escape and the processing of the humans. Her blood boiled with a need for revenge against the race that tortured and destroyed so many innocents, and that killed her friends.

 

Reality struck back, and a plan needed to be formed: she needed to send one of her team members to escort her crew, one of her ground team had to lead the second strike team, and someone with strong biotics was needed to create a shield to protect her squad. "Tali, I know you can fight well on your own with Chatika so I need you to make sure these people make it safely back to the ship. Samara, I trust that you'll be able to use a biotic shield strong enough for us to make it to the other end safely. Miranda, you did a great job leading the first fire team, make me proud and do it again."

 

"Thank you," Miranda whispered, inclining her head gently. Shepard hoped that the display of respect would repair their earlier disagreement.

 

Pausing to close her eyes and take a deep breath, Shepard followed Samara with Garrus and Mordin taking their respective positions at her flank. As the first wave of enemies attacked, Shepard growled and fought with an intense ferocity as a budding hatred for the Collectors filled her. Here was an enemy who destroyed so many without pause, and she planned to do the same to them.

 

She dove behind cover and summoned a powerful singularity, pulling together a group of husks before Garrus used concussive shot on one of the husks trapped in the vortex of dark energy, sending its limp form flying. Mordin was dutifully watching her six and used incinerate on a drone that was nearing them, its cries of pain providing fuel for Shepard's anger. She leapt out of cover and charged forward, each of her pistol shots hitting their target: the point right between each of the husks' eyes. As Harbinger took control of a drone before her, she switched to her SMG, commanding Garrus to hit it with concussive shot while she used warp, making quick work of its barrier. Mordin hit its armour with incinerate before Shepard destroyed the creature with an SMG round to the head, finishing off the wave by sending the last drone off an edge with a well-executed throw.

 

As they pushed on, Garrus felt a growing concern for Zoey. Her face had contorted into something consumed by rage, and each Collector was taken down like she held a personal vendetta. She continued to rush ahead, so he stayed within the protective biotic bubble and watched her six through the scope of his Mantis, taking out any possible threats. When one of the waves was down to one husk, he watched as Shepard slammed into the abomination with the butt of her SMG, sending it to the ground, before she came down hard on its head with her boot, a sickening crunch reverberating through the barrier. But she wasn't finished: she continued to bear down on its head, sending small pieces of flesh onto her armour, soaking her boots with blood.

 

"Shepard!" Garrus shouted, his stomach rolling with sickness at the sight before him. His voice seemed to bring her out of her trance and she turned to him, her teeth bared and her eyes wild. As soon as their eyes met her gaze softened and she stepped away from the body.

 

"Excessive violence. Rapid changes in emotion. Subject exhibiting signs of extreme stress, recommend--" Mordin's mutterings were silenced by Garrus's glare.

 

"Let's move," she muttered, turning to jog towards the door as soon as she realized how weak Samara was growing.

 

"Go!" Samara demanded as the asari looked behind her to see enemies coming from every direction. She summoned up the brunt of her biotic force and pushed it away from herself, sending the enemies flying as she breathlessly dashed through the door, her duty fulfilled as she saw that her commander was safe.

 

Garrus gripped his chest as he regained his breath, his eyes only for Shepard. She was pacing with her arms across her chest, a look of disgust on his face. He decided to take the risk and approach her.

 

"Shepard, do you need to talk?"

 

She nodded brusquely and turned to announce to the crew, "Take two to catch your breath everyone. Drink your water, reload your weapons, and check your shields." She took a swig of her own water and pulled him into a corner, her lip pulled back into a snarl. "I've lost two good people already. And this isn't over yet. All I want is to blow this place and all of its inhabitants straight to hell."

 

Garrus nodded firmly in agreement. "Aye aye, Commander."

 

She reloaded both her pistol and SMG while she analyzed the crew. They all looked exhausted, some injured, but all still at fighting strength. Joker reported back to her that both Tali and the crew had returned safely to the ship, awarding her a modicum of relief.

 

Shepard swallowed hard and climbed atop a slight platform, her eyes travelling across the small group of misfits that had become her ground crew. As her eyes locked on Garrus, distant words became an inspirational speech, images of Jack and Legion at the forefront of her mind as she encouraged revenge. Although the words came so naturally she would never be able to replicate them, the sound of her team cheering for her gave her the strength to jump down, pull out her pistol, and move forward.

 

Jacob commenced a round of "hoo-rah", which chorused through the rest of the group.

 

Impressed by his sudden display of enthusiasm, Shepard asked him and Mordin to join her in the last battle. She pulled Garrus aside before leaving.

 

"Garrus," she whispered. "I need you to keep an eye on the squad for me. This is going to be the hardest part for everyone and you're going to be the one who makes sure they make it to the other side. I trust you won't let me down."

 

"I won't, Commander," he said with a salute. "Good luck."

 

"You too."

 

More than anything he wanted to pull her close and hold her, but now was not the time. They would have all the time in the world when they were through this. He sent her a nod before pulling out his Mantis and jogging away, her returning smile so beautiful it carried him through the rest of the fight.

 

\--

 

A loud sigh of relief escaped her lips. She had told The Illusive Man to stick it where the sun don't shine, and the cursed base was set to blow. The Reaper child was down. The Normandy was on its way to pick them up. They just had to find a way off this sinking ship.

 

She felt a hard lurch and was thrown off her feet and into the air, her breath sucked out of her chest as she was slammed against the ground, leaving her diaphragm aching. Crashes reverberated around her as multiple pillars fell to the ground.

 

Her eyes fluttered open, and she saw Jacob pinned underneath a pillar. She jumped up quickly, ignoring the spinning in her head as she sprinted to her fallen comrade.

 

"Jacob!" She summoned all her biotic strength to lift the pillar off of him, but he was still non-responsive. "Jacob!" She put her fingertips to his neck, but there was no heartbeat. "Jacob!" She placed her palms on his chest and began to push rhythmically, breathing into his mouth sporadically. "Jacob!"

 

The ground shook so violently it threw her away from his body and onto the ground again. Her heart plunged to the pit of her stomach when she realized that the ground was tilting, fast, threatening to sentence her teammates and herself into the abyss below.

 

"Jacob! Mordin!" she shouted, refusing to allow herself to be overcome by panic. Her body was slipping down the rapidly increasing slope, and she let out a cry of anguish when she watched Jacob's body slide over the edge.

 

Her gaze flitted around the platform as she searched for the salarian. She caught movement in the corner of her eye and she jumped up and sprinted towards Mordin, who was quickly sliding down the platform. Panic lit up his eyes as his arms desperately grasped but only found air. Shepard dropped onto her stomach, sliding quickly towards him, but he was nearing the edge. When one glove firmly grasped his hand while the other grasped a sturdy barrier, she let out a loud sigh of relief.

 

"Where's Jacob?" he shouted over the increasing rumble as Shepard pulled them to safety.

 

Her mouth was set into a hard line as she replied in a low voice, "We lost him. We need to go."

 

\--

 

Shepard paced around the cargo bay, taking inventory of her team on a datapad.

 

Kasumi: Broken left collarbone and left wrist from crushing damage, otherwise healthy.

 

Zaeed: Healthy, only minor injuries sustained.

 

Tali: Sustained contusion to right thigh, being treated for potential infection.

 

Grunt: Heavy bruising on left side from fall, otherwise healthy.

 

Mordin: Healthy, only minor injuries sustained.

 

Miranda: Losing heavy amounts of blood from head wound, receiving transfusions. Broken right ankle.

 

Samara: Malnourished with minor head trauma, otherwise healthy.

 

Thane: Sustained gunshot wound to chest, currently receiving treatment but stable.

 

Garrus: Sustained severe contusion to stomach, currently receiving treatment but stable.

 

Jacob: Pronounced killed in action.

 

Jack: Pronounced killed in action.

 

Legion: Pronounced killed in action.


	37. Chapter Twenty-Nine

I Remember – Deadmau5

 

 

Samara found Shepard in the cargo bay, where she had been spending the vast majority of her time for the three days since the attack on the Collector ship (the other portion of her time was being spent in the med bay, checking up on her recovering teammates). She would hover around the three caskets engaged in a variety of activities: repairing the Kodiak or Hammerhead, applying a modification to her weaponry, or performing stretches or exercises. Today she was reading a paperback novel with an image of a bottle etched with the flute-playing god Pan on the cover.

 

 

Shepard looked up at the sound of Samara's heels clacking against the floor. “Shepard.”

 

 

“Samara. How are you feeling?”

  
  


"Our resident Doctor Chakwas is well-versed in asari physiology. She takes excellent care of both myself and her other patients."

  
  


"She's a wonderful doctor to have aboard a ship housing so many different species."

 

 

“May I sit?” Shepard nodded and gestured to an empty crate next to her seat. “How are you feeling, Shepard?”

 

 

"As healthy as always."

  
  


"That is not what I meant."

  
  


The question threw Shepard off. She had been focusing the entirety of her efforts for the past three days on ensuring the well-being of her crew and her boyfriend, as well as mourning the loss of her fallen teammates. They saw how Shepard suffered and tortured her conscience over the losses but they knew not to broach the subject. They could see the ghosts that haunted her at every waking moment: they would make eye contact, see her haunted and vacuous bottomless black pits for eyes begging to be left to their personal mourning, and send an undesired pitying glance her way before looking away without saying a word. Samara was the first person to break the unsaid rule and ask her, truly, how she was feeling, and the boldness left Shepard wordless.

 

 

“You're having difficulty letting them go.”

 

 

A deep furrow developed in Shepard's brow, but she did not respond. How could she let go those who she had so greatly let down? How could she lay to rest those sheep who had been slaughtered under the protection of their shepherd?

 

 

“May I share a story with you?” Samara asked, her blue eyes piercing through Shepard's murky brown depths. The intensity of her gaze was unnerving and Shepard shifted her weight uncomfortably before acquiescing with a nod.

 

 

“When I was young, 67 to be precise, my mother became very sick. It was not treatable, and I spent many of her last days at her side. Before she joined the Goddess, she passed wisdom on to me that I have lived by since becoming a justicar. She told me, 'Samara, do not weep that I am passing. Death is a beautiful thing, for the elements of my body will be spread through soil, air, and water, to nourish new life. I am not meeting an end, I am becoming one with the world around me, and I am falling into the same destiny that I will share with my ancestors before me and my children after me. So smile for me, child, for although I have reached the end of this life I will live on forever as part of our galaxy'.

 

 

“Do not mourn the dead," she continued, "for it is not their end. They will always be alive in the world around us, and they will live on in our memories. They have been taken out of our world of pain and suffering to be joined with their gods in eternal life.”

 

 

Silence filled the cargo hold as Shepard tilted her head back and gazed at the ceiling. She let out a quiet sniff as her eyes began to well up with tears, which she brushed off roughly with her forearm.

 

 

“Do not live in guilt forever. If I allowed myself to succumb myself to guilt with every death that occurred due to my actions, I would be unable to bear the weight. You are surrounded by those who love you and wish to assist with your burdens, do not deny them that small favour.” She stood and turned on her heel, returning to her meditations on the Starboard Observation Deck.

 

 

Although it had proved to be exceedingly enlightening, Samara was prepared for her time on the Normandy to come to a close.

 

 

\--

 

 

“Alright boys, see if you can beat...” Joker laid out his cards. “Two pairs.”

 

 

Zaeed let out a cough, although it sounded a surprisingly large amount like the word 'weak'. “Full house,” he growled, taking a swig of his drink.

 

 

 

After taking down the Collector base and when all the crew members had recovered from their injuries, Shepard had insisted on a small party on the Normandy. Zaeed, Joker, Rupert, Kenneth, and Garrus were at a makeshift poker table in a far corner in the Port Observation Deck, and the rest of the surviving crew were collected into small groups: Gabby and Tali were discussing drive cores; Miranda, Samara, and Shepard were discussing biotic tactics; Kasumi was sitting on Thane's lap, her giggles carrying over the chatter; Kelly and Doctor Chakwas were fawning over Kelly’s photographs; and Grunt and Mordin were hiding in a corner, having a hushed discussion (although Garrus could pick up the words 'Wrex' and 'genophage').

 

 

Garrus watched as Shepard checked her blinking omni-tool and excused herself from the room before he returned his focus to the card game. He was the last one left with cards in his hand after Kenneth had folded. Thus far, his opponents' inability to read changes in his subvocals was proving very profitable. With a wicked sparkle in his eye he laid down his hand. “Royal flush.” He pulled the stacks of chips toward himself. “Thank you, gentlemen, for continuing to support my Viper fund.”

 

 

The men groaned at the thought of their rapidly emptying pockets, but Joker rallied them to play another round (which, to Garrus’s chagrin, Zaeed managed to win).

  
  


During the round Shepard had returned to the room and approached the bar. “Attention, crew, I'd like to say a few words.”

 

 

Garrus's attention immediately went to the bar, which Shepard had just stood up on.

 

 

“First, and most importantly, I'd like to dedicate a toast to those with whose sacrifices we wouldn't be here. To Jack, to Legion, and to Jacob.”

 

 

A quiet “hear, hear” went through the group as they drank.

 

 

“I can certainly say that if those three were here this party would be a lot louder.” As the crowd laughed lightly, Shepard shifted uncomfortably from foot to foot.

 

 

“Second, to The Illusive Man. He may be an insufferable asshole, but he sure knows how to bring together a fantastic group of people.” A laugh passed through the group before they drank again.

  
  


“Third, I'd like to dedicate another toast. This one is to you. Thank you for trusting me, and for fighting by my side through the madness of the Collectors. All of you have done a great service to the galaxy, and each of you is an exemplary model of your people.

 

 

“Our time as a group is passing. We must all travel to rally our people. They must learn of the threat of the Reapers, and since we've all had a taste of what's to come we need to help in what ways that we can. I trust all of you not to let me down.” She raised her glass. “To you, the toughest bunch the galaxy has ever seen.” Garrus paused to observe the beauty in her motion before he finished his own drink. She stepped down from the bar and made her way to the poker table, her expression troubled.

 

 

“Gentlemen, you don't mind if I borrow Garrus for a hand, do you?”

 

 

“Take him!” Kenneth exclaimed. “Take him for ten hands. He's taking all of my money!”

 

 

Shepard laughed, and Garrus stood to follow her out. After the Port Observation door had closed, he took her hand and pulled her in tight to his body. “Is everything alright?” he whispered into her hair.

 

 

“I just got a message from Hackett.” She looked up into his eyes. “They want me to come back to Earth, and soon, for my trial.”

 

 

Garrus felt his heart pounding. “You don't have to go,” he said softly, running his talons through her hair. He adored her hair; the texture, the smell, the way it shined. “You don't need to justify what you did. Although it was difficult, you made the right decision. Hackett knows that, at least. The rest of them are using you as an avoidance tactic against the real Reaper problem.”

 

 

“I have to do this. It's my duty to my people to go when they summon me. It's the right time... right for the crew to start making their own individual impact. Tali needs to rally the flotilla, Grunt needs to garner krogan support, Mordin needs to get back in contact with the STG.” She paused and swallowed hard. “I need you to go to the turians, Garrus. We need to make sure they’re prepared for what's coming. They need to know.”

 

 

His gaze fell. Although she was right – as usual – it didn't mean that it was the easiest route. “I'll go wherever you need me to go, Shepard. Just promise me...” He rested his forehead on hers and inhaled deeply, savouring the moment. “Promise me that as soon as you can, we’ll be together again.”

 

 

“I don't know what they'll do with me,” she whispered. “If they don't let me go, they could court martial me, they could send me to prison--”

 

 

“Good thing you'll have me to break you out.” He kissed her, hard. “I'll always have your back, Shepard.”

 

 

“Don't know what I'd do without you,” she muttered, before kissing him again. “Ready to go back in and win some more poker games?”

 

 

“I'm ready, but I doubt they're ready.”

 

 

He turned to open the door, but she stopped him quickly. “Wait.” She grabbed onto his hand and held it firmly. “Now I'm ready.”

 

 

His words catching in his throat, his mandibles flickered into a broad smile. They walked into the room, hand-in-hand, and stunned the poker table to silence when Shepard sat on Garrus's lap.

  
  


Zaeed broke the silence. "Finally you two are coming out with it and we don't have to play dumb anymore."

 

  
The table broke into raucous laughter and Rupert dealt the next hand. Shepard whispered into Garrus's ear and kissed him gently while they whittled away the rest of the evening playing poker.


	38. Chapter Thirty

Maybe Tomorrow - Stereophonics

  


Shepard was lying on her back, gazing at the stars passing by at faster-than-light speed above her as Garrus slept restlessly beside her. He was muttering and constantly rolling around, making her wonder if he was being haunted by similar nightmares to her own.

  


No rest was allowed for her. They were en route to the Citadel to drop off the vast majority of her squad before she headed to face Earth and the Alliance.

  


She rolled onto her side to face Garrus. Although it had only been a week since their attack on the Collector base, each day with her turian had been marvelous. They would spend time with their crew -- and friends -- with whom they had developed an unbreakable bond after the suicide mission. They would lie in bed together for hours, learning more about each other and their bodies. He learned about her hair, her fingers, and her skin; she learned about his cowl, his spurs, and his mandibles. Although they weren't born of the same species, they fit together like they were built for each other; she was the misfit Torx screw who had been waiting for him, the Torx screwdriver, her whole life. Uncertainty clouded her future, but of one thing she was absolutely certain: although the forces that be wanted them apart, she would do everything in her power to bring them back together again.

  


Impatience took over and she rose surreptitiously from the bed, rubbing her eyes and running her fingers through her unusually clean hair from a week long absence of combat. Garrus had become fascinated by her hair and the millions of individual strands: they had even spent an evening where she taught him how she washed it, brushed it, braided it, and pulled it into a bun. He loved every moment.

  


She wasn't surprised when her feet carried her first to her closet, then to the fridge in the mess, then down to the cargo bay. She perched on a crate and ate what may have once been ginger chicken and white race, but had now become something closer to a mushy paste.

  


As she ate, her eyes never left the three long, rectangular crates beside her. Two were destined for Earth with her: the first held the body of Jack, the second only held the possessions of Jacob. Although they were unable to recover Jacob's body, she needed to be sure he was honoured properly. The third was destined for the Citadel.

  


In spite of the fact that Tali had begged Shepard to allow her to take Legion's body back to the flotilla ("The technology will be invaluable for the quarians!"), Shepard flat out refused to dishonour her friend's body by declining to send him to his people. It had taken her days of work, but she managed to get in contact with a geth stationed alone in the Horsehead Nebula. She was having Legion shipped to him from the Citadel so the geth could arrange to have him returned to his people on Rannoch.

  


Leaving her plate on the crate, she stood and approached the treadmill, craving a release for the excess energy building up within her.

  


While her mind exited the present to travel through the past, her feet carried her for miles without leaving the ship.

  


\--

  


Garrus awoke suddenly, feeling disappointed at the realization that he was alone not only in the bed, but also in the quarters. He dressed quickly and made his way down to the mess, knowing that there was a good chance Zoey was either there or in the cargo bay.

  


When the mess proved to only have Miranda and Samara in it, Miranda listening attentively to a tale of Samara apprehending a rogue salarian STG operative, he quickly grabbed a dextro nutrient bar and made his way back to the elevator.

  


"Garrus," Thane muttered as the turian stepped into place beside him.

  


"Thane. Looking forward to finally spending some time away from this ship?"

  


The drell's gaze turned away. "Not exactly. I'm becoming fond of the friends that have been developed here. But alas, life must continuously guide us to new places."

  


"Sometimes we like the familiar more than the new."

  


"The Normandy was new once too, to all of us."

  


Silence filled the small elevator. "Are you going to travel with Kasumi?"

  


"If she wants. But I wish to spend some time with my son, and she is a free spirit and may choose her own path." He ran his hand over his chin. "It is unfortunate that you do not have an option."

  


Garrus's blue eyes rose to the ceiling. "It's time for me to go home."

  


The elevator doors opened, and Thane stepped out in engineering. He called over his shoulder before the doors closed, "This isn't home?"

  


_I suppose it is._

  


When the elevator reached the level of the cargo bay, Garrus exited and his eyes immediately rested on the jogging form of Zoey Shepard. In an exposed moment, he found that she was moving her lips as if speaking silently.

  


He approached the treadmill and leaned on a crate just out of her direct vision. "Practicing your speeches?"

  


She held up her forefinger while slowing to a walk before pulling her small headphones out of her ears. "What?"

  


"You were moving your lips without speaking. So I asked if you were practicing your speeches."

  


"Lip synching." She took a sip of her water. "It's probably very silly to you, but it's like silently singing. Same benefits of belting out your favourite tune without the embarrassment."

  


He nodded solemnly. "So, today's the day."

  


"Don't remind me," she muttered under her breath. "Leaving my ship and my crew to face a trial before imbeciles? Not my idea of a fun time." She further slowed her pace and wiped her face with a towel. "I... I'm happy that you get to go back to Palaven. You can be with your family again."

  


His posture slouched. "I'm happy to see my mother and sister. My dad and I... we'll need a bit of work, but I'm hoping that the imminent threat of doom will speed up the pace on that a bit."

  


"If only the threat of doom could get things moving on my end." She laughed mirthlessly.

  


Garrus swallowed. "If there's anything I can do... anything at all..."

  


Her walking stopped and she stepped off the machine so she could stand before him. Affectionately, she wrapped her hands around his cowl and pulled him in for a kiss. "It's time for both of us to do our duties. You're an angel, Garrus, and you’ve done more for me than I could ever ask for. Just promise me that you'll take care of yourself."

  


"I will." They kissed again. "I have something for you. Mind coming upstairs with me?"

  


"Only if we're staying there until we dock."

  


\--

  


"I want you to hear me out before I give this to you."

  


Shepard leaned back on the bed, her legs crossed with her foot on top bouncing eagerly. "Go on, Vakarian, do you really want to keep your CO waiting?"

  


"You have one of the best shots with a pistol that I've ever seen. It's clear you have the natural eye for a great shot, but I feel like it's wasted on guns that are too small. You need something big, something with a backbone. Something like this."

  


He pulled his Mantis out of the holster on his back and laid it tenderly on her lap. She gazed at it, her brow furrowed.

  


"I don't know how long you'll be on Earth," he continued, "but hopefully they'll give you some time on the shooting range. A sniper seems daunting at first, but I know that with your strength and your shot you'll be a natural. Also, I've modified it to increase your accuracy and to increase your perception when you first look down the scope so it'll make it a bit easier to get started."

  


She surprised him by throwing her head back and laughing loudly. "Well, I guess its good I got you this then." She reached into her footlocker and pulled out a Viper rifle, placing it into his empty talons. "I thought it was time for an upgrade for you." He joined her laughing and holstered it before pulling her in for a tight hug.

  


"Thank you," he whispered into her ear, planting kisses along the side of her face. "Thank you."

  


\--

  


Shepard tentatively knocked on the door to Miranda's office.

  


"Come in, Commander."

  


She took in a deep breath of apprehension before stepping into her XO's familiar office. It was clear that Miranda had been packing; the room was now bare, leaving only a few boxes of unnecessary objects near the door and a duffel bag filled with her prized possessions was perched on her desk. Miranda rounded the corner with the last box in her arms and dropped it beside the others before brushing her hands off.

  


"That's everything then," Miranda said with a long sigh. "Those boxes are all the things I won't need any more, so you can distribute everything around the ship. I'm sure Garrus will be interested in the tech." She nervously picked at a split end while gazing longingly at the majority of her possessions. "Running away from Cerberus means really downsizing."

  


"Listen Miranda, I wanted to apologize--"

  


"No, Shepard, I'm the one who owes you an apology. That was a really tough call you had to make and it was wrong of me to antagonize you over it."

  


"I wonder to myself, over and over again, if I had listened to you if it would have saved their lives."

  


"We both watched those innocent people get melted into a paste. That would have been our crew if we hadn't acted. I know that Jack, Jacob, and Legion would have been proud to give their lives to save others." She looked uncomfortable, like there was something she wanted to say but she hadn't yet mustered up the courage.

  


"Something on your mind?" Zoey prompted.

  


In a voice barely above a whisper she responded, "Just words that were left unsaid."

  


They lapsed into silence, Miranda clearly not wanting to elaborate further. She finally broke the tension and said, "Thank you for being such a good friend, Shepard. It means a lot to me." Zoey pulled her in for a hug and said, "Keep in touch when you can."

  


Zoey made her exit, pondering whether the words left unsaid were meant for Jack or Jacob.

  


\--

  


Their time had come and gone, their departing words had been exchanged, and they stood in silence on the docks with their foreheads touching and their eyes closed.

  


Although they had both insisted that they were doing what they had to, they knew that they would find each other as soon as they could. For Shepard, the knowledge that such an important goal was lying before her would be enough to get her through many hard nights during incarceration.

  


Garrus's stomach was tied into knots. Here he was, with the woman of his dreams, having to part because of more political bullshit. How poetic.

  


Knowing that if he didn't leave soon he would never have the will, he held the sides of her face and pulled her in for a long kiss before they whispered 'goodbye' in each others' ears. Their hands lingering together briefly, he turned to make his way through the docking bay with the Normandy still in his peripheral vision.

  


Did he love Zoey Shepard? The aching in his heart at their departure told him that he did. But their time together had been so short that now was not the time to know. But the time for falling deeply in love and creating a life together was still before them.

  


They just had to get through one small obstacle: the Reapers.

  


\--

  


Emotionally exhausted from bidding goodbye to all her non-human crew members (as well as Kasumi, who insisted that she had an employer on the Citadel although everyone knew that it was really Thane), Shepard slinked down into the cargo bay with a copy of George Orwell's Animal Farm tucked under her arm. An unusual plan had struck her involving the dystopian classic.

  


She pulled a chair up next to the two remaining coffins with a water bottle at her feet and began to dictate the novel to her fallen human crew members. It was cathartic for her: it was the last time she would spend with the two people, and it seemed to be an appropriate way to spend it.

  


The Collector Base had changed her, she was heavily aware of it. Perhaps it was watching Legion fall defenselessly after opening the door for everyone else, or perhaps it was watching Jacob's lifeless form fly into the abyss. The memories haunted her every moment, both waking and sleeping, and she was painfully reminded of the difficulties of maintaining a position of command.

  


Life can as quickly take away as it can give. She would have to use her pain to grow and learn as a commander, so she could come out stronger on the next side.

  


And as the pigs stood at the dinner table, the Normandy docked at Vancouver.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Wow, we've finished part one! 
> 
> There aren't enough thank yous in the world for my readers. It's a roller coaster going from a little idea in the farthest corner of your mind to fleshing everything out on paper, and I wouldn't be able to do it without your support. 
> 
> But our journey together is not yet over: part two will be started on Monday, carrying us through the events of Mass Effect 3 in my little world. Prepare for a lot of laughs and a lot of tears.
> 
> If any of my readers have any questions, please comment and I will be more than happy to answer them. You are the fuel to my fire.
> 
> I would also like to throw another thank you out to Bioware, without their wonderful series I would never have the opportunity to have this story absorb my mind. 
> 
> I'll see everyone on Monday, with the prologue to The Dark Woods!


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